Friend annoyed after I forgot plans and apologised for cancelling

[Motylog]

I met a woman at a meetup group years ago. Somehow she latched on to me. I would say she is more an acquaintance. I only hear off her when she has a problem.

About 6 weeks ago we arranged to meet up next week. It’s difficult because I am at my partner’s most of the time now which is 40 minutes away. I am always the own travelling in to meet her even when I lived 20 minutes away.

She text earlier saying she is looking forward to meeting next week. I realised I had forgot and was going to a family birthday meal and I apologised. She snapped and she doesn’t like being messed around said she had rearranged things. Then goes she can meet Tuesday.

She shouldn’t be rearranging things just to meet me. I know it’s annoying for her but it is better to find out now than be cancelled on at the last minute.

I haven’t cancelled on her before in 10 years and am really annoyed as I had apologised and she was rude. I got my own health issues, problems at work, my partner has problems and his mother’s 1st anniversary of passing coming up which has affected him. It’s like life revolves all around her.

I said to her again it slipped my mind and not cancelled on purpose.

She has had loads of fall outs with people which some people she has called the police on for harassment because she blocks them without telling them why and they want to know why. A bit harsh.

I wouldn’t remember anything if I didn’t write it in my diary.

She text earlier saying she is looking forward to meeting next week. I realised I had forgot and was going to a family birthday meal and I apologised.

So if she hadn't messaged you would have just stood her up? That's awful OP.

If someone you considered a friend wrote the exact same about you, do you really think she'd want to stay friends?

I know I'd rather be let go if I found out a supposed friend thought of me like you think about this lady.

You think of her as a burden rather than someone who adds meaning to your life.

I'd say something to her like: We live further away now and I'm overwhelmed with a lot of stress about work and my health problems. I'm afraid I no longer have the energy to be a good friend to you, so I won't be able to meet up for the foreseeable future."

It's up to you if you want to delete and block, or just be boring in your replies to texts, etc., to see if she fades away.

So do a lot of people, I’m sure she does too but that’s not an excuse.

You let her down.
You shouldn’t be trying to find excuses, pass the blame or being rude about her.
Just own up to it and apologise for being at fault and learn from your mistakes.

If you struggle to remember things then get a wall calendar.
I don’t know how people cope without them.

Who doesn't?

You clearly don't care about her and would have stood her up if she hadn't been in touch. At least own your behaviour rather than making a stream of excuses.

i can see its annoying for her to make arrangements 6 weeks in advance and be cancelled on close to the time, I can see you had double booked and meeting with a casual friend would come second to a family birthday.
As you hadnt cancelled on her before most people would not be offended and understand these things happen.
If you had cancelled repeatedly i would understand her response, perhaps she has other stresses in her life ,perhaps she genuinely had altered other plans in her life to meet the commitment to meet you and that felt annoying.
This understandible cancellation aside you dont sound that keen to meet this woman for logistical reasons so perhaps dont arrange to meet up with her.

OP, let this relationship drift. Send that message and do not make any further arrangements with her.
She sounds like hard work.

I only hear off her when she has a problem.

She is always pressuring to meet up

Does she have a lot of problems then?

I would reply that she needn't rearrange anything for my sake along with the apologies again for the error

Did you agree to the Tuesday? I think I'd have said 'lets leave it this time' and just distanced

You don't need to keep meeting her if you don't really want to!

Why are you meeting up with her at all? You sound like you don't even like her!

I used to be really needy with others, id get upset if others cancelled as i had difficulty managing my own emotions, this leaked out into my relationships. Ive worked bloody hard on this (not everyone does).
End it op, tell her you cant meet up. From experience its crushing for it to unfold that somewone you thought was a close friend isnt.

She’s not interested in your problems or how you are feeling. She’s only interested in you being available to her. You have explained, she won’t listen. I think one more message saying “I am unable to arrange to meet up at all because of all the issues I previously told you about. Have a nice weekend.”

If she refuses to accept that and keeps pressuring block her.

All the more reason to use a calendar!

Thank you for your helpful response I can use to her.

Just stop arranging to meet. It's clear from what you've said that you don't particularly like her/you are not really friends - stop dragging it out.

I don’t travel 40 minutes to meet an ‘acquaintance’. If you’ve known her for ten years and meet regularly why isn’t she considered a friend? You don’t seem to like her so stop agreeing to meet!

Life is too short for this drama.
Walk away. No explaining, no excuses needed.
You apologised already.
Don't enter into tedious back & forths.. cut the ties.
Say goodbye too if you want..

She’s ’latched onto you’ because she wants a friend. She’s upset because she was looking forward to seeing you and you forgot and have now cancelled her. Really you’re just not a great friend to her so do the right thing and let the relationship go. It would be better if you had the balls to explain why but I predict you don’t so just let it fizzle. Then she can find proper friends.

I don't know what's going on with prepositions these days. People seem to have completely lost the ability to use the correct ones and just substitute "of" or "off" half the time.

It was used correctly.

"Latched on to me". Ouch. I'd just cut off the acquaintanceship if you don't value her as a friend, she deserves better than that.

Hear off? That's not correct at all.

To be honest, neither is "hear of" as that would be in the context of hearing about her.

"Hear from" would be correct in this case.

Its very much something that would be said where I am, its regional. Can we drop it now?

Poster didn't intend it to be 'hear of', but 'hear off'. It's an idiom meaning hear from. No need to be such a pendant.

Oooft, a bit tetchy, no?

I was simply pointing out that it's not correct grammatically.

Time to chill out a bit, I think.