Been together 3 years. Lots I didnt know about him when we started dating. He did well at hiding who he waa. He didnt even tell me about his ocd and I figured it out for myself with his rituals and repetitive behaviours and anxieties about things. It worked its way into conversation.But only after i've already noticed.
Same with the asd. He hasn't had a diagnosis, but he's got something going on. He kept so many things hidden and pretended he liked them.And then gradually over time, things have come out.Where he says, you know this about me now, and I said, but I didn't know this at the outset.You can't just change your mind. So now he's come out with all these additional needs and thinks he can't do.And he's acting like the victim as if I won't support him.In them. If I'd known this about him at the outset, quite frankly, I never would have gone on a second date with him. But of course now I have feelings. But I find it quite gaulling that he's speaking about stopping lying as if he's the victim when he hid his true nature from me.
Since we've been together, he's drastically scaled back the level of contact with which he's prepared to give me. Of it is to manage his nonstop fatigue when he is a single middle aged man with no children, no mortgage and no one to care for but himself. He has plenty of support from family among other people.And on the face of it, his life really isn't that difficult, but he doesn't see it that way.
Sent, we started dating.He's ruled on no overnight sleepovers.Midweek, because he can't handle it, it's too much for him to have me there when he has to get up to work in the morning. We have one meet up during the week of about four hours and we spend overnight together every weekend. He received to make phone calls to me, saying he's got better things to do with his time. Never actually communicate and have to store things up for a week.Unless you want to get it lost in the translation of text
He used to say he wasn't ready to live together.Now, he says he never wants to, and now he's come out with the fact that he's ambivalent about the whole relationship.He doesn't miss me very much.He doesn't look forward to or enjoying my contact at all.And I found this devastating to hear, and he just shrugged, and he said, you want to break up? But then after we have conversations like this, he's back to being completely normal.All over me suggesting things for the future.And acting as if these conversations never happened.So how am I supposed to respond to this?It's got me really confused. If I don't show enthusiasm for plans, he's making for us.He said, I expected better than this.He doesn't factor in that.I can't ignore the things he says to me.
He has a habit of saying, detrimental devastating things about what he really feels about this relationship, and acting as if he never said it.
We both work in london, but live in different places.And it is quite some distance by train to get to each others at the weekend.So if we can't stay over mid week, it's quite restrictive.
This relief relationship is beginning to feel like death via thousand cuts as he comes up with more and more things.He's not prepared to do.And he just says, I should tolerate it, and i'm not being supportive of his needs.
Sometimes my ability to cheerfully rapch it back.My requests is compromised, and whenever I try and ask for more from him, we end up having a massive fight.And he says he's sick and tired of me.So demanding and all I care about is myself and all I care about is whether or not i'm being prioritised and he sees that as me being selfish and he said, I need to develop some self awareness....!
The most recent fight that we've had is over a new job.He's applied for and got. It's in his local town that I don't live anywhere near.So what does that mean for us?Meeting midweek, is that something else he's going to cut down. He says he's not, but quite honestly.I don't believe him.I don't think he'll want to get on a train after working.Come straight into london to meet me.
Anyway, my problem was not so much.The job because you can make anything work.If you want to it was his behaviour.Surrounding it. He lied to me about it.And concealed the application from me, knowing I would probably have questions about our ability to meet. When I caught him making the application, he was a bit sugarned and then the next time I saw him he screamed and shouted at me in public saying I was so bloody selfish and all.I cared about was myself.And he really wanted this job.But all I cared about was the impact on me. What partner wouldn't consider the impact on them?
He calls me his partner by the way, he started it.Even though we don't live together.He decided that girlfriend was too transitory, and given the amount of time would be together.Partner is correct
I've met all the family, all the friends and we frequently socialise together with his family and friends and mine.
He first of all, said with this job that he would always make an effort to come and see me.But we've been fighting more and more because he's in such a foul mood, because, of course, changing jobs is far too much for him to cope with ... And he's in a foul mood.Every time we meet because he's so stressed about it. I can't say anything.He ends up annoyed at me.
He said it's a mistake talking to me about his job and he should have kept it hidden from me and he shouldn't talk to me about it. He often says the rocketry, things about my work.And takes the side of colleagues who've been nasty to me, I might add. Reminded him of that, and he at least conceded.
So anyway, the way it's going is this.I am not happy with this job.Not only just for the implication, it has for our relationship in terms of skill level.It is like falling off mount everest in.Terms of de-skilling for him. It is like hiring a formula one driver to ride a kid's tricycle. That's how much of a downgrade, he's taken in terms of work. I don't think it will last.I won't go into it.But I know the industry.I don't think there's any longevity in the role.And i'm really worried that I'll have to deal with the fallout if he gets sacked or doesn't pass probation.
So anyway, what to do anymore?Just sit back and see if this job works out.Or what. Sorry for the massive typos and weird words you do know, and I have said, I am dyslexic and I don't often notice the typos that come with.Speech recognition.