Husband's endless naps giving me the ick

[Njay3]

My husband naps constantly and it's starting to give me a severe ick. We've been together 10 years and married for 7. We have a five year old daughter and after lots of fertility struggles, looks like we're one and done. In the last year or two my husband has taken to sleeping almost constantly. He works away three days a week and for the four days he's back, he'll have at least two naps a day. I've tried to discuss it with him but he always says he's unwell, he had a bad night sleep etc. I honestly don't know what to do about it but when he spends the day in bed and then asks if I'm in the mood, I basically shrivel up inside. Is anyone else's husband like this?

Has he seen a doctor?

He may well be ill.

fatigue and needing to sleep can be signs of a number of illnesses.

maybe get him to go to the gp to get checked out?

Maybe he should look into if he has ME

Chronic fatigue is awful.

Sleep apnea can have this effect.

I’d check his iron levels. My DH was like this and that’s what was causing it. You’re overreacting using the word ‘ick’ though. Naps are healthy

sounds like something is seriously wrong with his health.

He might be ill he might be stressed or depressed, he really should see his gp if he is sleeping like this, a nap is fine but 2 a day is a bit ott for a healthy person.

Thanks for your replies.
I'll suggest it to him again. He's always quite defensive when I ask about it and he does a bootcamp twice a week that means he gets up at five am on those mornings so claims he's just tired. He can also be a bit of a hyperchondriac and the second anyone around him is ill, he takes a day in bed. But maybe I'm being harsh and maybe there is a medical issue at play. Will approach it like that.

Does he snore when he sleeps? Sleep apnoea ?
He needs to go GP and get blood tests it sounds more than laziness especially if he is doing exercise as well - that should give him an energy boost

My DH was like this and I felt the same as you. Turns out he had severe sleep apnea and now he has a CPAP machine he never naps! Says he has a great nights sleep alright for some

I was going to ask if he snored. Husband was the same until he got his CPAP. We could be sitting quiet for 30 seconds,.I'd look over and he was pushing out Zzzzzs. He doesn't nap much now.

My DH probably spends at least 4 hours a day napping. But he's got atrial fibrilation and is always tired/on medication to slow his heart rate down.

It gives me the absolute rage at times, especially when I'm carrying the complete load at home - I know he can't help it but it still makes me mad. It's like living with an OAP.

I suffer with chronic fatigue and this sounds like me at the minute. For me, mine flares following a virus. I’ve had a bad 12 months in terms of illness and as a result I’m extremely fatigued all the time.

well does he have to go to bed for a nap - a nap is putting your feet up for half an hour in a comfy chair

Hello OP. This sounds familiar. My partner was like this, very tired and regularly ill. He commutes to another city for half the week. Turned out he had sleep apnea - now getting treated - and we are going to move to stop the commuting as it is really problematic with big impacts on home life. Best of luck, it’s definitely not a normal sleep pattern that your DH has so important to investigate root cause.

Is he unwell? I started having a nap almost every day. It turns out, I had cancer. It went on for about a year and a half before I was diagnosed.

More recently, I went through a spell where pretty much if I sat down for 10 minutes, I dosed off. I was sleeping constantly throughout the day, forgetting things, brain fog, feeling generally off. It turns out my pituitary gland is fried and amongst other things, I now have adrenal insufficiency which means I don’t make cortisol that normal people need to stay awake. Mine was caused by cancer treatment, but you can just get it too for no obvious reason. I was probably days away from a coma by the time I was actually diagnosed. It’s a serious medical emergency. Mine came on fast, but people can have it for years undiagnosed.

This sounds difficult to navigate. There may be something wrong with him but you certainly have needs too. What happens if you are ill?

The only thing I can think of is that he sets an alarm for one sleep cycle. I find that 50 minutes is about right. I also saw a pilots’ trick online which is to drink a large glass of water before going for a nap, as the urge to urinate will wake you up naturally. Although that could go badly wrong too..

As a serial napper, I’m awake early (4/5) and if I don’t have my mid morning/early afternoon nap I can’t function past 4pm. But I don’t have kids and imagine my napping priorities would change if I did, can you ask for a compromise? He gets 1 or 2 hours to nap and you tend to the kids but then when he’s awake he takes over and you get two hours to yourself?

Uhhh, a bit of an extreme knee jerk reaction to naps? Is it just naps giving you the 'ick' or something else, too? It seems like he works a lot so maybe he's just tired.

Sounds rather mean saying it's giving you 'the ick' asif it's something gross :-/ Frustrating maybe, however i would be concerned more than anything.....sounds like he needs to go to the doctor incase there is a medical issue.

What time does he go to bed/ sleep ?
i’m an early riser for exercise but if I’m not asleep by 10pm I’m absolutely shattered.
When he’s working away, does he work long shifts or does he get any down time ?
he needs to either get to bed earlier or go to the docs and get bloods done

He’s fucking lazy and leaving you to do it all. LTB.

And then had the audacity to ask for sex??? I’d be gone.

Dh was worried about needing to have a nap after work and so got a fitness tracker watch so he could see his sleep at night and where it fell in terms of light, deep, REM and awake. It also monitors his heart rate and you can see how stressed he is in certain meetings. He does have a very stressful job.

There are apps that tell you what time you should go to bed based on what time your alarm has to go off, all to do with not being woken up from a deep sleep cycle.

I would tell him you are worried and he is missing out on so many things whilst he is just sleeping all the time. He could have an underlying medical issue and it could be sorted. Remind him he has a 5 year old DD who just sees Daddy sleeping. I have chronic fatigue as part of my medical condition and it is inconvenient as hell to need to sleep during the day. But at least I know why I need that sleep.