Husband's endless naps giving me the ick

[Njay3]

My husband naps constantly and it's starting to give me a severe ick. We've been together 10 years and married for 7. We have a five year old daughter and after lots of fertility struggles, looks like we're one and done. In the last year or two my husband has taken to sleeping almost constantly. He works away three days a week and for the four days he's back, he'll have at least two naps a day. I've tried to discuss it with him but he always says he's unwell, he had a bad night sleep etc. I honestly don't know what to do about it but when he spends the day in bed and then asks if I'm in the mood, I basically shrivel up inside. Is anyone else's husband like this?

If I exercise in the morning I could nap in the afternoon, but it sounds like he’s being lazy and avoiding parenting.

He doesn’t want bloood tests because he knows there’s nothing really wrong.

He enjoys his work & social life. He doesn’t enjoy the drudgery of parenting.

This is the guy who made you get up at 5am to drop him off for a hike? He’s a selfish man.

what would your life look like without him? Don’t underestimate the mental load and frustration of seeing him everyday but not getting the support you need.

I think I agree with this poster.

I’ve just reread the OP. It says that he has “at least two naps a day” during the four days he is with his family. So … sometimes three? He must have hardly any contact with his daughter (who is school aged and will notice).

Ah. He’s doing 3 peaks, and this is the guy op woke her and the dc up at 5am for to drive him to a big climbing day out with his mates followed by the pub, and the day before he did nothing and got her doing not only her job and parenting but running around to the shops after him so he could nap. He hasn’t got any immune condition or mysterious illness, he’s got ‘doesn’t-give-a-fuck-about-your-partner-or-family-itis’
op I think you need to focus on you and your dc and ask him to fuck off, he will contribute more usefully to his family with his absence.

How long are his shifts ? Am like this I nap on my days off but I have chronic iron deficiency and I work long nursing shifts. My ex used to call me lazy woman despite me being the one who did all the night feeds while he snored and most of the house work. Am so glad am single there’s absolutely no one to judge me I can freely nap anytime . He’s either shattered from long shifts or there’s something wrong with him he needs to see his GP.

Based on your update re 3 peaks challenge - clearly there is nothing at all physically wrong with your husband.

Don’t pander to this any more OP - he is clearly just trying to get out of any parenting and housework responsibilities.
particularly if he’s still after sex.

Unfortunately sounds like a case of selfish bastard.

Does he have post exertional malaise after big events he participates in? Some people with fatigue related conditions push through stuff and then collapse afterwards. Having said that, he seems to be very selective about what he pushes through on.... I was quite sympathetic in my first response but I'm not surprised you're getting pee-ed off. Of course, he could be both unwell and a lazy sod who thinks parenting is women's work. Watch out for that one if he does end up with a diagnosis!

Your DH needs to see a doctor & get a few blood tests done! I have autoimmune thyroid disease, hashimotos it’s nasty & causes chronic fatigue etc , he could be low on iron or ferritin. Instead of being judgemental & getting the ick maybe trying asking yourself ‘why is this happening to my husband’ & encourage him to seek help & support him through the process!

And still, the defending of a lazy man continues! Unbelievable!

I guarantee if a woman posted on here that she was so tired and having two naps a day she'd get called all sorts and the fucking husband would still be sympathised with!

I don't agree. If a woman was showing same symptoms my suggestion would be the same. Go to GP for further exploration. There are many underlying health issues that present with fatigue. I have personal experience of this.

Hi OP, When he is "napping" switch off the Wi-Fi. This will reveal if he is actually sleeping or scrolling on his phone, watching porn etc. FAFO.

Although I would just switch to use mobile signal.

I went undiagnosed for what I think was 3 years with my thyroid.
the tiredness was a weird one as I could do activities no problem, but if I wasn’t active I would just crash, I use to put it down to aging, stress and all the usual stuff you convince yourself of.
it also killed my enthusiasm and made me a right grouch, but again it was just who I became, not a medical issue in my head.
I honestly didn’t feel that I had a problem and that’s why it went undiagnosed for so long, it was only when more serious symptoms started developing I got checked out.

a few weeks of being diagnosed and medicated it was unreal, it was like I got my life back and I still feel I missed out on a few years of my life.

he may not have a medical issue, but they are real, he needs to get checked out.

How old is your husband?

This!

Did you only feel tired when there were responsibilities and then want sex once your partner had carried out said responsibilities and put the DC to bed?

Cru Cru - posted @ 10:35
In my area the signal is very weak - would be major frustrating for DH !!

No, I didn’t want sex one bit.

looks like I’ve missed some bits of the thread out!!

b12 injections changed my life, but very difficult to get on the NHS unless you have pernicious anaemia (plus they only give you 3 monthly injections when some people thrive better on one per month, or at least every 6 weeks).
A great, and relativey cheap alternative is b12 oral spray which helped me massively with chronic fatigue...https://www.amazon.co.uk/Better-You-Boost-Vitamin-Spray
Good luck