Husband's endless naps giving me the ick

[Njay3]

My husband naps constantly and it's starting to give me a severe ick. We've been together 10 years and married for 7. We have a five year old daughter and after lots of fertility struggles, looks like we're one and done. In the last year or two my husband has taken to sleeping almost constantly. He works away three days a week and for the four days he's back, he'll have at least two naps a day. I've tried to discuss it with him but he always says he's unwell, he had a bad night sleep etc. I honestly don't know what to do about it but when he spends the day in bed and then asks if I'm in the mood, I basically shrivel up inside. Is anyone else's husband like this?

Does your husband snore badly? If so, it could be sleep apnoea, which can someone to feel very tired.

He doesn’t want bloood tests because he knows there’s nothing really wrong.

He enjoys his work & social life. He doesn’t enjoy the drudgery of parenting.

This is the guy who made you get up at 5am to drop him off for a hike? He’s a selfish man.

what would your life look like without him? Don’t underestimate the mental load and frustration of seeing him everyday but not getting the support you need.

I think I agree with this poster.

I’ve just reread the OP. It says that he has “at least two naps a day” during the four days he is with his family. So … sometimes three? He must have hardly any contact with his daughter (who is school aged and will notice).

Ah. He’s doing 3 peaks, and this is the guy op woke her and the dc up at 5am for to drive him to a big climbing day out with his mates followed by the pub, and the day before he did nothing and got her doing not only her job and parenting but running around to the shops after him so he could nap. He hasn’t got any immune condition or mysterious illness, he’s got ‘doesn’t-give-a-fuck-about-your-partner-or-family-itis’
op I think you need to focus on you and your dc and ask him to fuck off, he will contribute more usefully to his family with his absence.

How long are his shifts ? Am like this I nap on my days off but I have chronic iron deficiency and I work long nursing shifts. My ex used to call me lazy woman despite me being the one who did all the night feeds while he snored and most of the house work. Am so glad am single there’s absolutely no one to judge me I can freely nap anytime . He’s either shattered from long shifts or there’s something wrong with him he needs to see his GP.

Based on your update re 3 peaks challenge - clearly there is nothing at all physically wrong with your husband.

Don’t pander to this any more OP - he is clearly just trying to get out of any parenting and housework responsibilities.
particularly if he’s still after sex.

Unfortunately sounds like a case of selfish bastard.

Does he have post exertional malaise after big events he participates in? Some people with fatigue related conditions push through stuff and then collapse afterwards. Having said that, he seems to be very selective about what he pushes through on.... I was quite sympathetic in my first response but I'm not surprised you're getting pee-ed off. Of course, he could be both unwell and a lazy sod who thinks parenting is women's work. Watch out for that one if he does end up with a diagnosis!

Your DH needs to see a doctor & get a few blood tests done! I have autoimmune thyroid disease, hashimotos it’s nasty & causes chronic fatigue etc , he could be low on iron or ferritin. Instead of being judgemental & getting the ick maybe trying asking yourself ‘why is this happening to my husband’ & encourage him to seek help & support him through the process!

And still, the defending of a lazy man continues! Unbelievable!

I guarantee if a woman posted on here that she was so tired and having two naps a day she'd get called all sorts and the fucking husband would still be sympathised with!

I don't agree. If a woman was showing same symptoms my suggestion would be the same. Go to GP for further exploration. There are many underlying health issues that present with fatigue. I have personal experience of this.

Hi OP, When he is "napping" switch off the Wi-Fi. This will reveal if he is actually sleeping or scrolling on his phone, watching porn etc. FAFO.

Although I would just switch to use mobile signal.

I went undiagnosed for what I think was 3 years with my thyroid.
the tiredness was a weird one as I could do activities no problem, but if I wasn’t active I would just crash, I use to put it down to aging, stress and all the usual stuff you convince yourself of.
it also killed my enthusiasm and made me a right grouch, but again it was just who I became, not a medical issue in my head.
I honestly didn’t feel that I had a problem and that’s why it went undiagnosed for so long, it was only when more serious symptoms started developing I got checked out.

a few weeks of being diagnosed and medicated it was unreal, it was like I got my life back and I still feel I missed out on a few years of my life.

he may not have a medical issue, but they are real, he needs to get checked out.

How old is your husband?

This!

Did you only feel tired when there were responsibilities and then want sex once your partner had carried out said responsibilities and put the DC to bed?

Cru Cru - posted @ 10:35
In my area the signal is very weak - would be major frustrating for DH !!

No, I didn’t want sex one bit.

looks like I’ve missed some bits of the thread out!!

b12 injections changed my life, but very difficult to get on the NHS unless you have pernicious anaemia (plus they only give you 3 monthly injections when some people thrive better on one per month, or at least every 6 weeks).
A great, and relativey cheap alternative is b12 oral spray which helped me massively with chronic fatigue...https://www.amazon.co.uk/Better-You-Boost-Vitamin-Spray
Good luck

Oh bless I’m glad you got the medication you needed. Mine went undiagnosed well kind of the doctors knew but decided to wait to see for 3 years to tell me, it was actually a locum who rang me to say ‘why aren’t you on levothyroxine’ while I was struggling horribly & I also have many other autoimmune disease so you’d think they’d been on the ball but no & it’s left me with terrible neuropathy & neurological problems now. Good luck 🤞🏻

Oh my word. I'm so sorry. It's an absolute disgrace that that happened to you and how poor the NHS are, generally, with such things :(
You're better off with acute issues or injuries such as broken bones that they can fix (brilliantly, I might add) but treatment for chronic condition falls way short in my experience:(
I struggled for over 20 years with fatigue. At times the GP detected low iron and/or low vit d but despite addressing those levels I was still exhausted. The whole time, my B12 levels were showing as "normal"/within range. Eventually when things got to breaking point I spent a small fortune (£1200 ish) to see a private functional doctor (who is also a qualified GP) but it was the best money I ever spent! She ran all sorts of tests which showed I had B12 deficiency. She said it doesn't matter that the levels of B12 in my bloods look within range, it's the fact that the b12 is not getting into my cells which is the issue. I think she could ascertain this from my urine tests. So, yes, the b12 injections (and even the spray before I could get the injections sorted) was a game changer. I was SO cross though that I needlessly suffered for 20yrs when it was a relatively easy fix for me Going gluten free also helped as well as being mindful eating sufficient protein at each meal plus a low daily dose of SSRI has helped SO much.....and now HRT has been added in to the mix! But all these things are essential for me to keep functioning in the way I do now. I can jog up my stairs now in my early 50s (most of the time:) whereas I would practically crawl up in my 30s! Anyway, just sharing this in the hope it might help someone else x
P.S. I pay her for a private prescription for the B12 injections...which is approx £30....then pay for 12 months worth of B12 vials (£80 ish..although may be more now due to COL? and then my nurse sister has trained my (non medical) husband how to administer me the injections himself! So it's works out way cheaper than paying for private B12 injections. X

I have to agree with other psters here. Yes, he might be ill but the fact he gets up for bootcamp and wants sex, makes me suspicious. I would want to know how he is when he is working away from home.

I have been feeling ill and very weak and tired for a few months. I have had a good day here and there, but for the most part, not at all. If soeone walked ito my house and offered me a free trip to anywhere I want, all expenses and meals paid and spending money on top; I'd still refuse. I have activities I like to do, and do none of them. I just can't, no matter how much I wish I could.
For those reasons, I am suspicious of your DH being able to expend energy when he wants but then can't when they are over.

How is his blood pressure?

Why are posters still thinking he's ill? He's very physically active, he's only sick when his young child is awake then miraculously recovers when she is asleep and wants sex. He just wants to dodge responsibilities.

Thank you it’s an ongoing nightmare. I’ve been battling to have extensive B12 tests as my iron count was very low ( it’s not very high as they had me on iron too long) & I was suffering awful stomach issues. I nagged for a coeliac test for 18 years & finally had the endoscopy & colonoscopy & guess what I have coeliac disease too.. I do believe that’s what triggered my thyroid issues but my stomach is a mess & it’s down to doctors ignorance / negligence! I wish I could find a good functional doctor. I saw one who said he is one but he just told me to drink veg smoothies & charged a fortune 🙄
I agree broken bones & the like they are so good at but the immune system 🤦‍♀️ I started HRT 3 months ago this ago & should’ve had a 3 monthly check but they are saying ‘no need your alright’ I don’t feel alright I feel like my thyroid is flipping out! I’m going to try again next week to actually get an appointment.
thank you & long may you continue to stay as well as possible 💞 x