Interfering, childless friends!!

[mum2toby]

I don't know if anyone has the same problem, but I have many friends who do not have children, but seem to put it upon themselves to tell me how I should or shouldn't be doing stuff!!

Like quoting statistics about the dangers of having diamorphine during labour. How it can affect the way you bond with your baby. And how they "would NEVER have drugs during labour."

Or saying things like "Oh should you be feeding him baked beans, they are full of salt and I read that......" blah blah blah. My son is 19 mths old and a few baked beans once a week is not going to damage his kidneys!!!

Why do these women think they have the right or the knowledge to comment! Have they been through the agony of labour and child birth? Have
they been so sleep deprived that they could scream for hours!!

Have they ever had a toddler who won't eat??

They answer is NO! So keep your nose out I say!

I have at least 3 friends who are like this. If I hear once more that I should "just leave him to cry during the night" I will slap one of them. How do they know what it's like to just want a nights sleep??

Just wait until they have kids and we'll see how disciplined they are and how tidy their houses are and how much sleep they get!!

So a message to all the interfering women out there who have no children:

"STOP CRITICISING US PARENTS AND KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF UNTIL YOU HAVE THE EXPERIENCE TO COMMENT"

...aaah that's better.

We've been invited twice to child-free weddings and went to neither. For the first I was heavily pregnant with ds, and for the second we couldn't get childcare (and we really didn't want to go without ds anyway). I find it almost insulting that people will invite you (and send a wedding present list!) and then say you should leave your children at home. If they want a grown-up do then there's always the stag/hen night.
When/if we get married we plan on inviting everyone's children and having nannies to help out. You never hear of couples who already have children having child-free weddings...you just couldn't, could you?
Aloha, your wedding sounds great, was it Babington House? If we ever find a venue like that near SW London that would be perfect for us. Not that I'm in any great rush.

gosh2 - not getting at you re the wedding list by the way. It's often actually cheaper to send a present and not go to the wedding once you've paid for childcare/travel/hotels. And I really believe those who haven't had children don't have a clue what it can entail to receive a no-children invite.

Ahhhh - a subject very close to my heart ! Went to one on Sunday ! When we got the invitation I said point-blank that I was not going without dd - dh agreed but did not turn down invitation (from his boss). Then mil said we should go and she would come up (only a 200 mile trip !!) to babysit. So we went - dd was fine with granny and it was a nice wedding - but I missed my dd terribly - specially as we had the bridesmaid's 9 month old dd on our table.

When we got married there were only 2 kids in the running - they were 8 and 10 and were definitely invited - but we didn't know anyone with babies then.

It's so hard - this wedding on Sunday was very small - 50 people in total and if they'd included children they would have had to miss lots of adult family out. On the other hand they could have gone for a bigger venue ! Went to a fab wedding In September with loads of children - they had a great time running around and playing together. DD adored it - which is why I suppose I was sad that she had to miss this one.

bettys, it's not babington house, but a good venue in sw london is the "great conservatory" at syon house. we had our reception there and i highly recommend it!

personally, i welcome the chance to get away with just dh. since we have managed it only twice in 18m, i hardly think it is damaging our relationship with ds even though i work!

I'm surprised at Bells friend who didn't have her own children at her wedding.

recently declined an invitation to a cousin's wedding - on the grounds that dd wasn't invited. all the rest of us were - me, dh, my parents, sister etc so there would have been no one to look after her up north...they eventually did a u-turn (must've wanted us there soooo much! )

Thanks bossykate, sounds fantastic! Wonder if you can get Snakes & Ladders as part of a package?

This will make you laugh. Our best man, is getting married in Sept. He told DH that it was child free, DH said that was fine. I said to DH I cannot go, as we have no family who are under 700 miles from us. (I would rather not go).

Anyhow, sadly Sept is a long time away, and DH is coming up with all sorts of possibilities, such as flying our old au pair in from Switzerland for the w/e. I said he can do what he likes, provided her expenses come off the amount we had decided to spend on a present for him. God I'm so EVIL! Anyhow BM forgot to get us a wedding present, so it should be ok, we can spend it on childcare and just pretend we forgot too.

Anyhow I was exactly like this too, no babies near my ivory raw silk gown! Thought all babies screamed, and all mothers were covered in puke. Which they are, but not through choice.

gosh2 how right you were...

I'm just intrigued by the newts rowing at Aloha's wedding and all bossykate's invites to weddings abroad (had a picture of Paris, Sydney, Los Angeles etc).

No, sadly, couldn't afford Babington House,but did rent the most fantastic & beautiful Georgian house called Tone Dale House, which meant loads of people could stay over, house party style, the night before and the night after (It slept 20 people, I think). We had a very drunken dinner party the night before (catered) a very informal day and fish and chips in the evening! I had a mild hangover on my wedding day but a couple of glasses of champagne dealt with that. The kids loved it and when we came down to breakfast the next morning my goddaughter was in the kitchen wearing jeans and eating toast with her coronet of roses still on! Very cute. It was a lovely day- couldn't imagine the children not being there, but it wasn't swanky and we didn't have disco, just sitting outside or playing croquet or frisbee (it was a boiling hot day) or inside by the fire and drinking wine until the small hours. I have seen weddings at Syon House and there are fantastic too. Very glam!

But darling, don't you know that everyone's having rowing newts this year?

phillipat, in the last three years we have had two in NY state, one in Boston, one in Tuscany - can't remember now why on earth we didn't go to Tuscany! - three family, one friend.

aloha, syon house was fabulous, darling! seriously though, i keep thinking what is the soonest we can have a renewal of vows type ceremony to do a sort of re-run? think it will be another 21 1/2 years!

bettys, snakes and ladders - yes they would probably hire it out, shame we didn't think of that!

I have no problem whatsoever with child free anything, particularly weddings. Would not do it myself but respect the right of the couple to have exactly the type of wedding they want.

During my father's speech at my sister's wedding some bl**dy mother allowed her 11 month old child to scream all the way through it and did not take him out the room.

My views are no different on this before and after having kids.

Just so Gosh2 doesn't feel so alone, I too had a child free wedding. My excuse (if I need one) is that I really didn't like children that much, plus none of our close friends had children. In fact, until I suddenly got clucky before trying for ds I always thought I'd never have children and even warned dh of this before we got married.

I can now see what a pain it must have been for the one or two families that came that would have had to arrange childcare, but I wouldn't change that day for the world - it was a beautiful day the way we wanted it(and so much nicer in retrospect away from the stress of the organisation!!).

We have been invited to weddings since and ds has been invited - but we've always arranged for someone to look after him. Too good an opportunity to miss having the night out and boozing it up

Sometimes wonder if it's worth taking babies though. Had to go to one of best friend's weddings when my daughter was 11 weeks old. Had desperately tried to get her to take bottles so I could leave her with my mum. She wouldn't. Decided about 2 hours before wedding that I'd have to take her, although invite just for me. Drove 100 miles at 100mph, to get there, had to feed and change her and me in other friend's hotel room, was late for wedding, only got to church as everyone was coming out, was mostly glared at during the reception for having temerity to bring a baby, missed all speeches since she needed feeding so did it in a stockroom, rest of evening spent sitting in toilets feeding her, placating her screams when the disco started and walking round the grounds, alone, cause she had colic. Best bit was driving home (so no drinking either!) at midnight on empty motorways with a sleeping baby!!

I have just remembered this story - I think something has jogged my memory, something about babies and weddings. Those of you who know me from other posts know I have a little (GF)babe now 4 months.

Anyhow we were invited to a wedding when DD was 4 weeks old. This time all my weight dropped off, and I felt good about myself so we went to the wedding on invitation it said children were welcome - how modern we thought!

So wedding was at 3 in Oxford, now all you GF and non-GF fans know that a GF baby at 4 weeks MUST feed at 2 - or the world ends. So I was sitting in the church trying to waken my baby, had her stripped down. But she wasnt for waking. Eventually took her out, just before they did the vows (so yes, missed everything), fed her in the vestibule outside, whilst talking to my friend who was out there with her 4 month old baby, she too was a GF fan and we were discussing how brill it was for having a 2nd child. Was giving DD bottle at this feed. So when the happy couple were "videoed" leaving the church there was I with young babe feeding. OH GREAT!!

Anyhow got to the champagne reception and had first glass of champagne in yeah months and bridegroom came over to congratulate me on new DD, having had a DS first time around, and I was feeling oh so clever! Anyhow after that I was just standing grinning at him, as I had "nothing" to say to him, brain was so mushed I couldn't even mutter a congratulations his way. How totally embarassed am I now.

To save further embarassment I wouldnt mind if future invitations excluded people who hadn't had a proper nights sleep, as I just stood there all day sort of air heady and giggly.

At least the couple are extremely close friends, and bridegroom was on such a high he said he cannot remember. Bit like me then!

Sadly (and somewhat embarrassingly) I have to admit that we had strictly "no children" wedding (nine years ago)! In our defense, we were young (I was still studying), the first of our group of friends to marry and none of our friends had children. The only children either of us had ever had anything to do with were DH's nephews who we thought were completely feral (having two children of my own now, I still hold with this view )! So....DH's brother and sister and one of my aunts all had to find babysitters in a city over 800 km from where they lived! Fortunately my mother was not as ignorant and self-absorbed as DH and I were so she located babysitters for everyone.

Since then, I have never received a wedding invitation that strictly forbade children (neither did our invitations but we did make it clear to the rellies that had children) but never have I been to a wedding that had any children present who were not in the wedding party!

I'm neither sad nor embarrassed about wanting a child-free wedding.

The worst 'with children' wedding we attended was where the families with children were seated together but none of us knew one another. The other children were incredibly badly behaved, running round and round and round the table, banging doors and shouting and screaming, while my dd, who was younger than these other children looked on in astonishment!! DD1 was bridesmaid and DD2 was flowergirl but being 'quarantined' like that really spoilt the meal for us. We didn't even get to speak to the other parents because of the din. I couldn't wait to finish my pud and get away to more jovial company. Oh, and we were served last. I think I'd rather it had been a 'no children' wedding, tbh!

Otoh, the weddings where children have been seated at their own table, with hired help, have been great. At one such, each of the tables stood up in turn to serenade the newly-weds (I think this might be a German or Canadian custom??), choosing a song with the word 'Love' in it. The children chose a song, rehearsed briefly and stood up and sang it and it brought the house down! That was definitely a good day.

Hey there's nothing wrong with child free weddings - I had one and the only person who sulked about it was my cousin who I can't stand so was very glad when she decided not to come - and having taken dd (2)to a recent wedding - and spent the whole day run ragged - doing things at inconvenient times with tired/hungry /bored toddler - I'd frankly have been glad to have left her at home! It's bad enough when the receiving line lasts an hour and you're hungry and bored - you DON'T need a hungry,bored toddler to add to the 'fun'!!!

To be honest, if my kids couldn't go, neither would I. Not my loss!

Ah, the perfect place for my moan. My aunt rang me yesterday, and told me that my cousins wedding (that I have REALLY been looking forward to) is child-free. I am really upset, as this means that we can't go. We wouldn't go without ds anyway, because we feel that we come as a package, and if ds is not invited, then we don't want to go either. My aunt is really sad, as she is only the mother of the groom and doesn't feel that she has any sway, but wants my ds to be there, as we are really close to her.

I respect the decision of my cousin and his fiancee, as I remember wanting my wedding to be perfect, and I realise that you can't please all people when arranging things. Anyway, they are paying for it, so it is not my decision. I just find it a bit strange that people don't want children at weddings, as I thought that they were family things. This way, my mum/dad/sister/aunt will feel slightly sad on the day, which is not condusive to good relations between my aunt and her future DIL's parents. My dad wanted to show his only grandson off, and I was looking forward to him meeting all his extended family. He will be nearly two then, and is always really behaved when out in public!

I'm so sad, and, whilst I respect their decision, I don't understand it.