Interfering, childless friends!!

[mum2toby]

I don't know if anyone has the same problem, but I have many friends who do not have children, but seem to put it upon themselves to tell me how I should or shouldn't be doing stuff!!

Like quoting statistics about the dangers of having diamorphine during labour. How it can affect the way you bond with your baby. And how they "would NEVER have drugs during labour."

Or saying things like "Oh should you be feeding him baked beans, they are full of salt and I read that......" blah blah blah. My son is 19 mths old and a few baked beans once a week is not going to damage his kidneys!!!

Why do these women think they have the right or the knowledge to comment! Have they been through the agony of labour and child birth? Have
they been so sleep deprived that they could scream for hours!!

Have they ever had a toddler who won't eat??

They answer is NO! So keep your nose out I say!

I have at least 3 friends who are like this. If I hear once more that I should "just leave him to cry during the night" I will slap one of them. How do they know what it's like to just want a nights sleep??

Just wait until they have kids and we'll see how disciplined they are and how tidy their houses are and how much sleep they get!!

So a message to all the interfering women out there who have no children:

"STOP CRITICISING US PARENTS AND KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF UNTIL YOU HAVE THE EXPERIENCE TO COMMENT"

...aaah that's better.

My god Scatterbrain, I think your midwife definitely beats my friend in the 'total b*tch' category!!

I think I would've slapped her or reported her to her superiors!!!!

Scatterbrain I want to send your ex-friend a cyber slap right now! And what is wrong with having a Downs baby indeed? Are they not good enough or something? Give me her number NOW! Calm down, calm down, think of Harrison Ford, ahhhhhh, that's better!

No, I know what you all mean. One very good friend of mine is now off the Christmas card list and it wasn't a decision I made lightly. She is now training to be a social worker and reckons she is better than all the rest as she doesn't have children so she's not influenced by bias. She called my child 'it' all the time, referred to me as 'just a housewife' and kept bragging about her childless life, her freedom, the holidays they were going on, the new car they had just bought, none of which they could do if they had a kid, like we had! She even tried to get me to down whisky when I was 7 months gone "to hell with the baby"! she cried. Guess she didn't realise my state of mind right then! But it really riled me at I was at uni with her, she went to my wedding and I went to hers, we were relatively good friends. But it was as if she was using me to compare herself to, and she came off much better than I did in her opinion!

Stuff her anyway, stuff them all - how lucky we are to have the beautiful and adorable children that we do, and how much they are missing out on!

Emsiewill I was almost in tears reading about the wedding. Why are they child free,I am ashamed to say mine was but I didn't know any better, none of my close friends has children. Someone should of sat me down and explained what a hassle it is to get someone, quite often pay someone, to look after children for the day, and I may have reconsidered. What harm is it anyhow?
I am glad you didn't go to the stupid wedding.

Scatterbrain, this woman is no friend. She sounds jealous. Most (not all) of our childless friends have a bit of the green eyed monster, hence the hurtful comments. Anyone who could say something to cruel about your babys photos is horrible. She must never have been in love, and clearly doesnt understand that when you carry a baby for 9 mths you quite often fall in love with babe when it appears. She is a nasty woman. Ugh!

My sister is a child care worker (say no more) and thinks that gives her the right to tell me how to raise my 3 kids (2 have disablities) But she has just given birth to her own little girl 2 weeks ago and is already phoning ME for advice OOOOOOOHHHH how I have waited for this hehe

Scatterbrain I know how you feel when I fell (unexpectedly) pg my sil was happy (she's got 3 kids). When I was about six months pg she asked if I had bought anything for ds, being a pessimistic sort of person I hadn't and she said quite right as lots can got wrong yet. I put the phone down in tears, told dp (who was away) who told his Mum who rang up sil and gave her a right talking to.

I couldn't resist adding to this again. Although I find childless couples hard the worst in my experience are those that are expecting. They've read all the books, they know exactly what to do and they're positive that their child wouldn't possibly "do that". A guy a work has just become a new dad and has been almost unbearable in his complete ignorance of what real parenting will be like. A group of us would be having a friendly dicussion on how to keep a toddler under control in shops only to have him step in and announce "well surely you'd put them in a pram". Duh! So it was with a slight smile that I recieved a phone call yesterday from him asking to reduce his original request for four weeks holiday (once baby was born) to 3 days and could he come back tomorrow? At least with those due to be parents you know that reality is just around the corner!

Rhubarb it sounds to me like your social worker ex-friend is insecure - all that comparing your life to hers - sounds like she's trying to prove it to herself as much as you.

My wedding was child-free but that was by circumstance rather than invitation. At the time I was pleased about that (Bozza hangs head in shame...)

Well, we will have to miss a posh family wedding this summer because the bride wants it child-free. It's not local or anywhere with family connections so there will be no-one we can leave ds1 with overnight who hasn't already been invited.
It's entirely the bride's decision but she will lose several well-wishers on the day through this sort of logistical hitch. As she's in her late 30s quite a lot of her extended family have small children.
Our wedding was all the more fun - if slightly chaotic at times - because of the small gang of much-loved godchildren etc there. I just wish I had had the nous to organise someone specifically to look after the little ones during the reception so the parents could have relaxed more. But we all enjoyed ourselves.

Marina , there are companies who will run a creche at wedding venues in a side room, but also local nanny agencies can organise this for you.

I have been called by a local nanny agency to ask if I will take care of some children at a local hotel during the main part of the speeches so they are interrrupted, or supervise the children's lunch and lay on a few activities. Worth a thought.

marina, alibubbles

a children's table, preferably with a nanny on hand with toys, crayons etc really makes life easier. we did this at our wedding and bil and sil asked their au pair to come along and supervise, which she kindly did. maybe you could suggest it, marina, if she is a close friend? tbh - i think it's one of those things childless people just don't "get" - how difficult it can be to find a babysitter for these occasions. i'm speaking as someone who would be more than happy to use a wedding as an excuse for dh and i to get away on our own if it could be arranged - bad mummy!

We never thought of having a child-free wedding, even though it was very small because a/my dh already had a daughter, I wanted my goddaughter as bridesmaid and she has two siblings and because it was a long way from home (Somerset) and so thought people would use the opportunity to have a least a night away. One couple didn't bring their kids because they wanted a nice excuse for a night in a hotel together, others did and the kids had a fantastic time because our wedding was all outdoors with picnic lunch and grounds with a river (nobody drowned!) and boat rides courtesy of a rota of dads and newts and buckets and stones. Even children who were normally a bit wild were absolutely angels on the day, eating cocktail sausages and playing like something out of Swallows & Amazons. We really enjoyed having them there but then we were older and already a family by then. I like a bit of chaos, personally - it makes me feel at home!

We didn't do anything special for the children, it was just a very 'family' day rather than a traditional wedding, I suppose. The children were very happy, as were the parents, particularly after a few glasses of champagne...

We've already decided that when we get married we are going to hire a bouncy castle for the kids, who are all going to be invited, and supply a kids activity area etc to make it an exciting day for them too. Aloha, when you say Somerset please tell me you didn't get married at Babington House, I will be green with envy!

You've all made me feel a bit guilty now. The real reason I didn't have children is that I didn't know any - honest! I think if I had known some I might have been more tolerant. My sister is getting married in the summer and I would be outraged and hurt if she didn't want DS there. He has already been to his godparent's wedding and another wedding and so is quite a pro. Must admit that I was a bit nervous at godparent's wedding because DH was best man and I had to do a reading and was terrified that DS would choose that moment to require attention....

I too missed a friend's wedding last summer as it was child free (very sophisticated event which was not to be spoilt by unruly children) They didn't even let you bring babes-in-arms, and as ds was then 3 1/2 months and exclusively b/f, and the wedding was min 2hrs drive from any possible source of childcare we decided it was unfeasible for us both to go. dp felt obliged as the groom had been one of our witnesses, and they play in a band together.
Many of our friends made the same decision and there was therefore very little dancing done at the ceilidh due a distinct lack of female partners. DP & a number of friends all left relatively early (sharing cars) so that they could get back to their families and relieve the wives/babysitters etc.

Dh is one of 6, had a daughter himself and his brothers have 3 kids each, so we would never have, not had children at our wedding. However, we got married in a plush, country hotel. Thankfully, the hotel was owned and run by an Italian family, who were only too happy to cater for the children.We put them all on one table and they loved being treated like adults by the waiters (called Sir/madam), and dispite the contest, to see who could fit a whole proffita roll in their mouth at once, they were exceptionally well behaved.

have to say i think there are lots of things with weddings which can be potentially awkward for guests. e.g. our policy when invited to weddings abroad is not to go unless we can make a holiday out of it. we're invited to one in cornwall in may, assuming a fairly standard kick off time, that means travelling down the day before and taking the day off work (which i don't particularly want to do). i remember being asked by various people when we were organising our wedding please not to have it on so and so dates because of holidays, other commitments - that drove me utterly nuts! as though you can actually choose the date - for many people the date is driven by when the church/venue/priest/vicar/other celebrant is free!

anyway, what i'm saying is that you can just bet when you organise a wedding that not everyone will be happy with the arrangements and it's easy to get curmudgeonly and feel like you are doing people a real favour by going. i know i have felt like this about a couple of things recently, and i don't think that's a particularly healthy mindset.

as far as child free weddings go - i think the bride and groom just don't know what they're missing!

bossykate - thats a good perspective. And I think its part of the reason why so many brides-to-be get so stressed out. We got married on cup final day purely because it was the only day available at the reception venue for 3 months. My sister is a teacher and so has her wedding date dictated if she wants a two week honeymoon.

We didn't make our wedding child free as such, we simply didn't invite then (except close family & DHs god son). If anyone asked if they could bring their child as they couldn't get child care etc, we let them as it was never our intention that guests not come if they couldn't bring their chldren.

We got a "no children" wedding invite last year and I was delighted at the prospect of a weekend away without DS1 & 2 (then 3 1/2 and 1 1/2)!!

Just about every single wedding we've been to since having children has specified "No children". We didn't specifically invite children to ours but certainly didn't not invite them (very few of our friends had them at the time). We did however make a few arrangements for the ones who made it clear they were coming.

I have started to dread weddings due to the ban on children as in general, they involve a long drive and an overnight stay without our children. If we had family to look after them, then maybe I would feel differently but I loathe having to ask our Nanny to work a whole Saturday/ Sun morning after a long working week. Also though, having been at work myself during the week, I really resent missing out on precious family time together. It is getting to the stage where I am just going to start missing weddings unless they are very good friends.

A friend of ours who has 3 children already (and who brought 2 children along to our wedding)got married last year and stipulated no children. I just couldn't imagine not having children at my wedding now that I have them as they are such an integral and important part of my life.

We, unofficially requested no kids at our wedding, but still had about 5/6. I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing now and am quite ashamed of my attitude then. I certainly wouldn't attend a wedding if it meant having to leave DS overnight.

I feel really quite saddened by all these reports of child-free weddings - I've never been invited to a wedding which bars children and frankly find it rather odd. Surely a wedding is a celebration with friends and family - don't children count??

I personally just didn't know any better. None of my close friends had children and it never occured to me that it would be a hassle for the parents to organise childcare. I just never thought at the time. My head was too far up my getting upset if someone didnt buy me something off the list I had picked. I mean, really!! Or getting shoes to match my headgear! As it turned out I was in such a bloody bad mood anyhow on the day, that it's a wonder I went ahead with it all. Glad I did though, but hate thinking about the day!