What is a fair contribution when moving into a partner's mortgage-free flat?

[Numberwang66]

Hi all. I'm moving in with my boyfriend in June. We both live in London.

He is incredibly fortunate to own his flat and has no mortgage. Just bills and a very hefty service charge that crops up every 4 months or so.

We are due to have a conversation about rent/payment. How much do you think is an acceptable monthly rate? He floated the idea of a rental payment, plus splitting bills. I initially agreed to this, but after a bit more thought I am now unsure as he doesn't have a mortgage to pay.

He is a super lovely and communicative guy so I'm not stressed about the upcoming conversation but any advice would be super welcome. Thank you!

I agree with this - from her perspective she's unlikely to have any form of tenancy agreement or lodger's agreement, so if the relationship goes, so does her home. From his perspective, a monthly payment on her bank statement of 'rent' could be construed as establishing a beneficial interest in his asset.

Split the bills, put the money you would have been spending in a savings account in case you need it, and consider getting a place together if things go well.

I agree not paying rent.

You are not a tenant, you're his g/f and presumably sharing domestic duties living there together.

That just makes no sense

If they were partners and just moved in together, each would expect to pay a contribution towards rent

if they bought a property together then each would expect to pay towards the mortgage

do you think women are entitled to live for free simply because of their gender and no other reason?

she most certainly should contribute, even it’s not called “rent”- based on the money she is now saving for not having to pay her own “rent”

So in this instance the OP is in the business of saving whatever rent she is currently paying by moving in with her boyfriend, that’s patently not fair on him he is now subsidising her living arrangements

I've been in this position and I just asked him to split bills I think I included the service charge in that although it wasn't huge. I wouldn't charge a partner rent.

How? He goes from paying 100% of the bills to 50% (I think it should be a 50/50 split regardless of income). He has more disposable income, she has more disposable income. Why would he seek to profit from a partner? She has no ownership or rights to the house so she can save what she’d be paying in rent either for their next place together, paying into the existing mortgage, or getting her own place if the relationship ends. Why would she just… give him money for nothing? There are no extra costs to cover.

Her savings will be massive in comparison to his - he will save a few hundred in bills over a year maybe, she will save thousands in rent, may 10’s of thousands even over a year depending on her current situation - where is the fairness in that 🤷🏼‍♂️

it just so happens that he is mortgage free - if he wasn’t would you still expect her to live rent free ?

Unless he was going to add her name to the mortgage she shouldn’t pay towards it so no, no rent. She is not a lodger or a tenant with a tenancy agreement, why would she pay rent to somewhere she could be booted out from at a moment’s notice with no legal recourse or rights? It would benefit him too not to have her paying into the mortgage as she could attempt to claim entitlement to a share of the property if they split and she’d been paying in for a long period of time. A tenancy or cohabitation agreement could be drawn up but they’d need legal advice.

Why would her savings be massive in comparison? Surely that depends how much each of them earn?

I would be considering the future of the relationship, for example are you getting engaged? This would really impact upon my decision.
what happens if something breaks?
are you keeping your finances separate or considering a joint account/savings?

you are going to be in a massively vulnerable position and so consider things carefully.

personally, I would consider no rent but half of all bills (including no structural repairs) fair, but I would be putting everything I saved into my personal savings account because a rainy day fund is essential.

He is losing his single council tax discount. So you should pay that difference.
If you pay 1/2 of the rest of the bills you are already going to pay more than the increase of the bills he is going to pay because of you moving in so he is gaining.
I am undecided on the seevice charge split because you mo ing in is not going to make any difference to the total amount he is paying.
If you were renting a room you'd get your own room, you are not getting that so why are we even trying to call it a "rent"?
I live in SE, just outside of M25, 4 years ago I moved in with my partner's to his house he now owns outright after finishing to pay his mortgage earlier this year. I was paying £200 towards bills+council tax to start with, he asked me to increase it to £250 six months ago due to the col bills going up. I have my own study as I wfh, he is retired, and we have bedroom we sleep in.
I think the attitude towards money at the beginning of the arrangement you are getting into should tell you a lot about who he is. You should be saving money towards your own future financial security. Moving in together ought to feel as a progress and not a headache. Would he give you a rent book and some guarantee if he calls it a rent? Would you get a bedroom?

I will change my mind when actual, real, equal split of the chores is a given, especially after maternity leave, when we stop saying “he helps at home” to not even carrying his mental load.

Statistics show that married men are the happiest of men as they have someone who makes their life easier in so many aspects. Married women, however, are the most unhappy of women because they end up doing most of the work at home including child rearing on top of working full time and that goes before considering that statistically, women earn less than men even when doing the same job so, given that statistics also show that this trend is so well established young women are preferring not to live with a man, I would say… fuck it, if he is getting a free 24/7 PA and potential live in nanny, the least he could do is not charging rent, otherwise it is a shit deal for the woman, even if we have been led to believe that splitting 50/50 is a fair thing even regardless of income difference.

Who mentioned marriage or kids 🤷🏻

this is purely about finances of 2 ppl living together,
specifically her moving into his home- so I guess is he currently doing 100% of the chores ( or paying for them) and paying 100% of the bills

currently sounds like a much better deal for her in every way

if the guy has 1/2 a brain he won’t get married to this woman ( or any woman)

The woman must be paying rent to live wherever she is living now , even a small flat is probably £1/k a monthly, so she will probably save over £12k a year on rent, probably more , the boyfriend doesn’t have a mortgage so that’s irrelevant

how is that fair? - yes of course she should contribute more or else she is just freeloading from him

I wouldn't move in with a partner and pay them rent. If he'd like to share property costs then sell his flat and buy one together. He's not your landlord!

Because that’s the way many woman start their long term relationships, moving together as flatmates just to realise a few years later that they are “wives” without a contract, mothers, and still very much flatmates as in all that dealing with life they never find the moment to adapt the finances to the changing circumstances:

But if we make it all about the finances (quantities made up for clarity):

Council tax: £200
Bills: £300
Food: £300
Repairs and replacement: £150
Insurances:£150
Rent: £0
Mortgage: £0
TOTAL: £1100
50/50: £550 each is the fair split as neither of them are paying rent or mortgage.

But if you insist she needs to pay rent, let’s assume that both of them earn the same (£2000 as month)…

Her expenses will be £550 + £600 contribution for accommodation costs so after paying her part and rent, she will be left with £850 to save/personal expenses a month

His expenses will be £550 and he will have an extra £600 added to his disposable income as she will be paying him to live there so he will have £2050 to save/personal expenses a month.

How is that equal or fair? This is just increasing the income gap between them and making her the “poor partner” in the relationship. Pretty much still shit agreement for the woman isn’t it?

There is more to equality than splitting the bills by half.

I think this is tricky, and it probably depends on how much "rent" you're talking about (and what it's called).

My gut feeling is that costs associated with the home should be split proportional based on income OR if he suggests an amount less than that ("just give me £200 a month to help with bills and maintenance") that seems fine. Importantly, neither of you want to feel resentful about the situation.

I think it feels unfair if you unequally profit from him, or him you. You are likely to profit from him because rent in london is extortionate. I like the idea of you both being better off by an equal amount. You aren't married, so don't have that (legally mandated) financial commitment.

To the PP essentially suggesting it's fair if you move in "for free", and just cover half of food, heating etc bills - then what's the benefit to him? He gets less space, less quiet, has to have another person's belongings around, make compromises on his time, tv preferences etc etc etc. I think this is part of the reason why women with their own places often say they would never want a man to move in. It isn"t exactly "free" for the person giving up their space. It potentially feels the same in this scenario...

What nonsense is this ?

the woman must be paying some form of rent on her current living arrangements, let’s just say £1k/ month to make the sums easy so could be £12k a year better of by moving into someone else’s none mortgage property - so she gets £12k a year more disposable income for no reason PLUS her current bills are halfed ( assuming she lives alone)

the woman is on a free ride here based on what someone else has done.

should she be paying some kind of “rent” hell yes - if that man was my son I would certainly be expecting her to pay something, even if it’s 1/2 her current rent, she would still be quids in based on her current situation

I totally agree with you, things should be like that in an ideal world, which we are far from reaching as yet. In theory we should be equals, she should be contributing financially as the man, and all men would have in their calendars that at least every second year they will be getting out of work on time to go and buy materials to make little Johnny a costume for world book day and spend the night putting the outfit together.

But until we get to that world, she shouldn’t be entering into a romantic partnership that disadvantages her in the long run as, if she grew up, as most women, in a household where mum was carrying most of the mental load, she will soon start to take more responsibility for that mental load, the shopping list, the house chores and child rearing if children arrive. Meanwhile the man, who would be fully responsible for not much at home, will be finding a nice time consuming and expensive hobby to do on evenings/weekends to kill his “free time”, he may even start complaining that she is pulling him back as she doesn’t have the time or the means to enjoy as many nice things as he can or supporting the woman into relinquishing her financial independence by sacrificing her career/income as “it is not worth working when the nursery fees are so expensive”.

And that’s how we feminists (and not feminists) screw ourselves up.

I’m sorry- but you are simply projecting your own issues now.

should she pay rent of some sort in this situation, hell yes , of course she should be financially contributing to her own living arrangements - that’s the absolute basics of being an adult - gender irrelevant

Not my issues, I grew up with a feminist father and a mum who was one of the very few women who had studied abroad and was working full time in her generation. My father always said we always had to have our own money and not to expect a man to pay for us, even for a coffee, as they may be struggling themselves. That doesn’t mean we were raised in the simplistic idea that 50/50 financial split is fair, you have to consider the particular circumstances of each member of the partnership to define what is fair. It is probably this upbringing that causes me to spit feathers every time I see a man or a woman is taking, or being taken, advantage of.

If he is not paying rent or mortgage, contributing to the costs of maintenance, repairs and fitting of the building as I specified in my first post, is enough. If he was paying rent or a mortgage, had a lower salary or she was just a flatmate, I would tell you otherwise.

There is a big difference between Equality and Equity, they are not the same thing.

Then you should be spitting feathers as clearly the woman is taking financial advantage of her BF .

How is it the same for her? She isn't gettibg a room for herself. She is getting a shared bedroom with him.

I find it very weird that he wants you to pay some kind of token rent when he mortgage free so he’s actually making a profit from you living there

Obviously all bills should be shared ideally 50-50 or if one of you is a much higher owner to do percentage of your wage

I think you should pay half of the service charge

Where do you live at the moment? And how much RED do you pay in a few? You’ll be saving a lot of money each month not paying rent living in London.

Earner

If you tell me she is earning considerably more, I would but we are departing from the basis that both earn the same and that they are a couple starting a new life together where certain roles and responsibilities will be played at home sooner or later, because as much as we want to deny it there is no true equality between men and women as yet.