What is a fair contribution when moving into a partner's mortgage-free flat?

[Numberwang66]

Hi all. I'm moving in with my boyfriend in June. We both live in London.

He is incredibly fortunate to own his flat and has no mortgage. Just bills and a very hefty service charge that crops up every 4 months or so.

We are due to have a conversation about rent/payment. How much do you think is an acceptable monthly rate? He floated the idea of a rental payment, plus splitting bills. I initially agreed to this, but after a bit more thought I am now unsure as he doesn't have a mortgage to pay.

He is a super lovely and communicative guy so I'm not stressed about the upcoming conversation but any advice would be super welcome. Thank you!

I would split all bills half half and either a token amount towards wear and tear due to your usage of white goods shower etc or you agree to split costs of replacing them. In the meantime build up a good savings pot.

50/50 on bills council tax and service charge.

If I were him (or a female in his position) I’d rent out my place and get somewhere shared with my new partner.

Otherwise it just seems unbalanced.
Caveat that being a landlord seems utterly shit of course

She wouldn't be living there at no cost, she'd be paying her share of the bills.

She's not getting a room of her own, is she? She's not getting a tenancy agreement. She's not going to have a right to stay in the property if they split up. She's sharing a bed with the guy. They're partners, it's not a landlord/tenant situation.

My question was a genuine one - your tone seems a bit aggressive.

By paying rent I assumed she would
then have some protections eg a notice period etc.

We have a different way of thinking I guess. I would never make myself dependant on a man for housing so
I would pay rent (with an agreement) so I can’t just be turfed out after an argument, for example.

I never understand why people think that just because it's a property that's owned that they should be automatically given the right to live there for free?

If it's a two bed flat and the boyfriend had a lodger paying £1000 a month he'd be £12,000 worse off by having his gf live there. (And she'd be £12,000 better off for not paying rent)

If he had a £500k share portfolio instead of a house, would you expect him to automatically give you half of the income?

Obviously if you're moving towards a longer term relationship then you can agree different variations based on % of income etc, but prior to that I'd be embarrassed if I wasn't paying my way!

Split bills and no contribution to the property. And you have no claim on it either - his asset. No rent.

But it's OK for the person living rent free to profit him?

they Are not married or engaged, why does she suddenly get to live rent free

bet your bottom dollar if the genders were reversed ppl would be screaming he has to pay “rent “ or some equivalent thing

I don't think partners should be paying each other rent. For half a bed?

I suspect the bf used the word 'rent' in a very generic way, meaning a sum of money towards the cost of living there, rather than a formal agreement.

... And use of a kitchen, and a bathroom and a living room (where you can invite friends)
And use of white goods (which may fail earlier due to double wear and tear)
And a boiler which needs regular servicing and parts
And the knowledge and security of knowing that if anything goes wrong (leaks, breakages, the property management company doubling the service charge) then you can simply shrug it off and walk away as it is not your responsibility...

Exactly. And they usually eat a lot more of the food and put their Sky subscriptions into the bills. Generally the woman does all the housework too.

I would start with the premise of both of you being equally better off. That seems fair. And I would put all of your additional money gained OP into savings in case you need it one day. If he’s the higher earner be careful you don’t end up spending the extra funds on expensive holidays and dates out you can’t afford.

Except you're really unlikely to have a proper tenancy agreement that gives you any rights to stay if the relationship broke up.

And you'll probably be using the white goods together to make meals together, or to have full load of washing etc, so really that's minor and nitpicking. You'll be living like a couple, not like Bob and Roger the lodger.

Moving in together is an escalation of a relationship, not a business transaction.

I really don't see the parallels with cocklodgers. In those threads the man is usually contributing nothing, often not even is own food, and doing nothing but creating a mess about the house.

A cocklodger isn't someone paying their share of the bills and contributing fairly to chores.

I don't think anyone's ever described a perfect housemate, who pays 50% of everything as a cocklodger.

Men expecting to live rent free are called that on here, even when they pay their share of other bills. It’s seen as poor behaviour and taking advantage to expect to not pay some form of rent

If the homeowner had a mortgage would answers be different?

He could get a mortgage and invest the lot

I don't think they are because those threads usually originate with a generally useless man.

I think you should pay towards the service charge out of fairness and towards bills which will be higher with you there.

What are your current outgoings for accommodation and bills/expenses? Are you better or worse off moving in with him?

If you are better off that's a bonus, but he should never be worse off either IYSWIM!

Unless he has a cleaner, brace yourself for domestic duties. But he may not be one of THOSE men and if so you are quite lucky!

Hmm hard - but, there has to be some acknowledgement that you will be much better off, surely?

Some kind of balance between him making money off her, and her making money off him?

Unless he's saying, I really really want to live with you but I know you will lose out in some way so I'll let that go?

On the one hand he's privileged - but on the other hand so are lots of people and we don't expect them to cover us. And on the third hand ;-) he shouldn't make money off her - but on the fourth... she shouldn't expect to live fo free.

He might be privileged or he might be bereaved, who knows.

Or both, I suppose.

Either way living rent free feels very scabby and grabby, I don’t see why both can’t benefit equally

But he'd be benefiting by her paying half the bills. So he ends up with more disposable income.

He's not paying rent or a mortgage, so if she pays him rent, he's making money from her.

Half of all bills (inc service charge), plus a suitable amount towards maintenance of the flat and furnishings (or you agree to make a contribution as they arise).

I see it as if it balances correctly they will both benefit the same amount

otherwise again, why wouldn’t he get a mortgage or rent it out and they find somewhere together