Remember my SIL who said my baby would die...?

[Tinkerisdead]

The one you all said is a toxic poisonous witch and to avoid, avoid, avoid, ignore ignore ignore....

well, she has left a message for my DH saying that she would like to come round at the weekend for a "chat". On the message she is really gushy and upbeat not solomn and apologetic.

Now i assume she is coming round to apologise, but I also know her and I know that she will come to explain why she said what she did.. (me and my baby will die, that DH and I dont love each other, that we only care about money, our hoouse and our wallpaper and that we made our wedding shit for her!)

Now im feeling really trapped, im glad she is coming to my house so im on my own turf, but im 19 weeks pregnant, she gets me riled just on her messages alone. I know shes coming round to give her version. Im not interested in her reasons and i dont want a big discussion but i also dont want to be the one to say all this.

Im feeling really stressed by it, i just want to avoid her but DH wants to hear her out. DH will cave in, he already told her "no problem" at the time and i want him to explain that we accept her apology but her rationale is not wanted or accepted. If DH caves in, then im left to put our point across and i cant face the stress or the inevitable argument...and if i dont, its another case of "oh thats just SIL she always says stuff like this" so i feel like this is our one chance to tell her its not on. I just know its gonna fall to me.

If i wasnt pregnant i'd go beserk at her but when i can feel myself getting angry and upset and my heart racing, i feel sick for the effect on my poor baby in there!

what would you do? I cant say dont come round as then it will get around the in-laws that i refused to build bridges. i feel cornered and bullied by her and if i dont make a stand, its gonna continue....

[poppy34]

sounds like a badger - and wtf has her medical history got to do with you?

I recommend retiring upstairs with ok and a large bar of chocolate and leaving your dh to do the counselling bit...

[DarthVader]

Maybe just aim to rebuild a superficial relationship with her - I don't think you could ever like or trust her after this but you can maintain a civilised veneer.

If she says unacceptable things again however tell her what she says is unacceptable in no uncertain terms.

[Tinkerisdead]

maybe thats the problem Windy, it all seems to have stemmed from our wedding. She is very motherly towards him. i expected a difficult MIL but his sister seems to have stepped up to the plate instead. His Mother is a diamond.

[RedFraggle]

If it was me I would make sure I was out all day. If I remember correctly you said on your other thread that she has done this type of thing before? If that is the case then is she likely to change? She's not your sister, so although you do need to be polite when you see her you don't have to be all lovey-dovey with her, and you do not have to meet her just because she wants to.
I would avoid it, tell your DH what you want him to say on your behalf. If you are not up for the confrontation then just don't do it. If you meet her and she is a bitch and you are unable to get your point across you will just be pissed off for weeks. I know I would be anyway

[lackaDAISYcal]

I would let her come around but sit down with DH first and agree on how you will react and handle the situiation if she gets vitriolic again.

Although it sounds like he is being supportive in a non confrontational way, he needs to stick up for you and make sure that she isn't upsetting you and make sure that she knows that the things she said were out of order. She may also be picking on your relationship because hers is less than perfect itself? What does her DH say about it all? Can you and DH have a chat with him about it?

It's good though that she appears to be conciliatory and wanting to build bridges and I think you have to go through with it no matter how hard it's going to be. You never know, she might surprise you!

As for the baby, try not to worry about it too much. Yes, prolonged stress isn't good for the baby, but the odd incident won't do any long term damage.

Take Care xx

[skeletonbones]

oh god, she tried to tip a drink down your wedding dress becasue she wasn't enjoying YOUR day!!!
Unbelievable. what do the rest of the family think of her?

[lazarou]

I think she wants to drive the knife in a bit more. She is a hateful person getting off on causing other peoples misery. She can't just let it lie because she is bubbling under the surface with anger and spite. A vile person who you should cut all ties with.

[posieflump]

what was her problem with the wedding?
she sounds a complete fruitloop, either that or very jealous, mean spirited and with serious issues

I don't think I'd let dh talk to her if she had done that to me, just cut off all ties

[Tinkerisdead]

Redfraggle - yes shes done all this time and time again but everyone tells me that its worse since her married her DH. We cant talk to her DH, he did apologise at the time and all the inlaws have challenged him saying why didnt you stop your wife's outburst. he has apologised saying he doesnt know where it came from and he thinks its started because she hated our wedding...

so what? ive hated hundreds of weddings but its not my day! Am i really ready to listen to a woman sit at my kitchen table and say "i really hated your wedding and let me tell you why....."

i cant believe im even typing this pathetic shit. its like school, ive told DH its like school. I live 60 miles from my own family, his are all on the doorstep and they are all talking about how she has behaved and what the rationale must be. But im not interested as i dont think anything justifies her comments...

[posieflump]

what were her reasons for hating the wedding?

[clam]

DH shouldn't be stuck in the middle. He should be on your side, and refusing to condone her bad behaviour.

[Tinkerisdead]

ha ha i tell you my wedding problems, its more school yard pathetic shit. i cant believe this is my actual life, im living this!!!

refused her corsage dont know why, she placed pram in doorway i was coming through, my mum asked her to move it as the bride cant come in, she went mad at my mum at not letting babies in! When about to enter the reception she barged out as we were about to enter as "Mr and Mrs" wedding organiser and DH asked her to go back in just whilst we sat down etc, she refused. Stormed out of meal saying we didnt want babies there? Wedding co-ordinator had announced crying children please remove during speeches..she stormed out with non crying baby! she then had row with my mum, her mum and her DH. Both mothers end up apologising to each other for any bad feeling caused on the day by her!!!

DH misses most of this as he is pissed, all through my wedding day i am given running commentary on what SIl has done or said now. i spent honeymoon crying. We came back and have never breathed a word at how we felt about her behaviour but in laws had gone mad at her in our absence.

however she still maintains she had a shit day and her DH claims that this is where it all started.... i cant believe ive just written all this but jesus its cathartic!!

[lackaDAISYcal]

sadly DW families often turn a blind eye when one of their own is being out of order and make justifications for their behaviour, especially if she has always gotten away with thisn sort of behaviour in the past.

It sounds very like she has always been the spoiled brat of the family and hasn't gotten over it and thinks she should be centre of everyone's world even now as an adult. she really sounds as though she needs to grow up.

Try not to get drawn into it and sink to her level. And as others have said, you only need to be civil when you see each other at family events; you don't need to be best friends. the old adage "you can pick your friends, but not your relations" is so true in this case

[windygalestoday]

shes deffo weird - want me to make sone special senna cookies????

[lackaDAISYcal]

how old was her baby DW? Do you think she has some sort of depressive illness, maybe hanging around a fter a case of PND? It sounds like she needs professional help!

[lackaDAISYcal]

lol at senna cookies windygales

[posieflump]

she sounds mad

did you really spend your honeymoon crying over her though?

[Tinkerisdead]

LOL at senna cookies and pee in the tea!

Lackadaisy - her baby is a year, you could have something there. i asked about this on my antenatal thread. she has 1yr old who goes to nursery from 7.30am-6pm 3 days a week but my MIL collects her on thursday lunch and keeps her thurs, fri and most often until sat lunch time. Now i find that a bit strange as effectively they see baby an hour per night and on a sunday. Im not judging but i find it hard not to see that as avoidance. maybe she has got a genuine prob but she will never disclose info about herself so i wouldnt be able to ask.

[cyteen]

She sounds like an absolute nutter.

[posieflump]

oh that is totally wierd definitely, poor little thing

[posieflump]

poor little thing being her 1 year old that is, not her! I think it's awful for her parents (your inlaws) to let her do that as well. What on earth does her dh thinkabout hardly seeing his child?

[Tinkerisdead]

yes posie i cried most of honeymoon as everytime i thought of my wedding, i remembered another incident. still havent watched my wedding DVD unless it was screening with one of our mothers.

when she tried to tip the drink on me, i was holding her baby and it went all over her instead. i handed dripping child back and said "ohhhh nooooo look at the state of her dress!bless her" SIl was seething, thought it must be bad to pour over your own child in the hope of getting me!

[Tinkerisdead]

in laws no see baby as a daughter and not grandaughter and so dont want to refuse her this. i can understand this as they are now the primary carer really. her dh doesnt mind as they get "couple time".

My DH has however expressed concern to in laws as he states if they are primary carer for niece when will our baby enjoy grandparents visits etc.

i cant believe this is my life, this is why i try to steer clear as evidently there are more issues than an aversion to a home birth!

[posieflump]

what was the drink?!!

[beaniesteve]

Does she still have issues about the wedding planner asking for crying babies to be removed during the speeches?

Pehaps she's just the kind of person who gets pissed off when attention is not on her? Has she always had a rivalry with you DH? Maybe she just feels a bit like she's not getting as much attention as she did before, maybe she's envious of your happiness, perhaps there's stuff going on in her relationship that you are unaware of?