In laws want to take their grandchildren to Disney Land in the states next year for FIL's 70 th birthday, I feel a little sick............

[DrNortherner]

They want to take our ds and our niece and nephew (dh's brothers kids)

FIL is 70 next year but a very fit 70, Mil is 63. Next summer is when they want to go, nephew will be 10 and ds and niece will both be 7. So they are at a fab age to appreciate it and it is very genorous of them to want to do it.

BUT, we have only ever been away from ds for a wekend at most and they are talking about at least 10 days. America is such a long waya away - what if something were to happen? Will they manage with 3 kids?

It's not an option for us to tag long as we could never afford it.

I don't see how I can say no, but equaly I have a niggling feeling in the pit of my tummy.

Am I being too precious?

How old will your ds be? I can understand the niggling feeling - I'd probably say no and make myself v. unpopular.

Have they had all the grandchildren alone before? How about a practice taking them all for a weekend away in the UK somewhere this year?

I think that you might be being a tiny bit precious. They are their gps' and they are not too ancient, I'm sure they will manage fine and how can you say no? How gutted would your ds be if his cousins got to go?

My ds will be 7 by next summer.

The most they have done with the 3 of them so far is a day at a theme park.

Will your ds really enjoy Disneyland, and spending time with his GP's? If I'm right he'll be about 5 or 6? I wouldn't be happy about it but then i am a bit precious anyway!

Could you maybe go along as well? Would you be happier if another adult were to go along as well as the GP's?

Oh yes carm, ds would be devastated if they went and not him

I need to get over this feeling don't I?

You are being (completely understandably) over protective. They will cope just fine, and your DS will LOVE it. You will cope with 10 days apart and if (God forbid) something bad happened you would fly out there or they would come home immediately.
It's an amazing opportunity for them all, let him go!

I think it will be lovely for your DS. Of course he will miss you but what a very generous offer - he will remember it for ever. And you get some child-free time

I honestly don't think anyone should worry that they're too old - that's a bit patronising IMO!

I think you are perfectly normal for feeling like this btw but I suspect that they will be fine and lets face it the gp's won't be around forever and this will be the holiday of a lifetime and be the source of many happy memories that will last long after the gp's pass on.

Ley them go - you have to let go at some point. However I do understand where you are coming from. I had to leave my "babies" for a week whilst dh and I went on our honeymoon - it was his condition of (a) getting married and (b) trying for number 3. The 1st day was terrible but I did soon enjoy myself - just make sure you are busy.

I completely understand your concerns.
I am worried about my IL's taking my two away for the weekend next week (to their caravan, 1 hour away!) but DH has said we both need the break (we do) and I know they'll all love it.
10 days is a long time, but your DS is 7, so not too young (mine are 4.4 and 2.4) and your IL's sound very capable.
I think a practice weekend would be a great idea (as Dotty suggested).
FWIW, my brother and I used to stay with my grandparents during summer holidays at their house for weeks at a time from age 6/7+ whilst growing up and we had wonderful times, they were about the same ages as your IL's.

If they haven't had the kids for more than one day, yes I would be concerned. Even if they are really young at heart, fit and healthy it will be a very demanding time.

Can you not talk to your ILs and just say how you're feeling?

Maybe they should have all three for a weekend to see how they manage?

Oh in laws are very capable, they go on fab holidays every year - Aus, Thailand, South ASfrica on Safari, they play golf every day. Thye like to relax.

I just know Disneyland with 3 kids will not be relaxing. The kids get on very well together, but equally squabble and wind each other up at times.

Saying that they brought up 3 boys with 18 months between each so she is an expert I guess!

I wouldn't let them go. I would go with them if I were you.

Is there no chance of just one of the parents going as well? I'd still feel a bit nervous - knowing how much our two ds's knacker all their much younger grandparents (all in their early 60's).

Wow what a fantastic opportunity for your ds. He will love it, and it'll be something special that he will remember all his life.
The grandparents are obviously totally capable. Use the 10 days to have some fantastic treats with your dh - meals out, lovely walks, theatre - things you wouldnt be able to do so easily with your ds around, and everyone's a winner!!

can you bil/sil afford to go along? I understand your concern and wouldn't let my ils or parents take 3 children to disney land on their own for such a long time.

I don't think the distance is relevant, I would just be concerned that childcare is pretty relentless and 10 days, 24 hours a day would be too much.

i think he should go. maybe do a few practice runs where he stays at their house for a few days between now and then? i also think you and dh need to book something for yourselves so you are not mooching round the house obsessing while he is away. but yanbu to feel worried, of course it will all be fine but its your job to worry

Also 5 is a difficult number for rides etc.

My Ds was 5 when he went to Disney Florida with Grandparents for TWO weeks , his cousin went aswell he was 10 at the time. About the same age as your FIL , MIL and likewise well travelled.

They all had a fantastic time , there is no way that we could afford to to to Disney at the moment. Time with grandparents is very precious as you will appreciate.

I was worried as well , not so much about him being with grandparents but that he wasn't with me !

I think you will be surprised how well they cope !

Agree with milkno, a couple of dry-runs staying at their house -preferably with the other cousisn-in the next year for three or four days at a time will set you mind at ease. And maybe put them off the whole idea

Personally I would say no unless one or both of us was invited too. If the ILs want to treat them they should extend that to all of you IMO, you are after all a package

But thats just my opinion

My parents are very capable, very fit 65 year olds and they have our boys for a week at a time and have done since they were 3&5. Retrospectively that was a little young but now they are 5&7 it is great.

How about suggesting that they stay somewhere that has a bit of childcare avaliable so that they can stagger it and not be on the go for all 10 days.. A morning off while the kids were in kids club would be a great break for all of them.

I think it sounds like a great holiday. Asking them to have the 3 kids for a weekend first might be sensible if you live near each other. 7 and 10 are an excellent age for disneyland and old enough not to absent mindedly run off. It is knackering for adults though and we couldn't cope with more than 2 days eurodisney at a go and went back for the 3rd day in the pass the next year. I would recommend they take another adult, but that's for their benefit, not the kids'.

But when you to go to Disney you dont soend the whole time their do you ? When my DS went they had time out at the pool and went somewhere else for the second week .

Just clarify with them what they intend doing for the whole ten days - ten days at a theme park would be knackering for anyone whatever age !

What's your biggest worry/fear about it?

Plane crash? If you were there, you wouldn't be able to stop the accident.

The children get a bit homesick? This could happen even if they went on holiday in the UK, plus it's less likely to happen with their cousins and gp's there.

You will miss them?

You feel they are out of your control?

What I'm trying to get at is, think what trouble's you most about it and work it through in your head.

Hope this helps xx