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Original poster

In laws want to take their grandchildren to Disney Land in the states next year for FIL's 70 th birthday, I feel a little sick............

100 replies

DrNortherner · 21/06/2008 10:03

They want to take our ds and our niece and nephew (dh's brothers kids)

FIL is 70 next year but a very fit 70, Mil is 63. Next summer is when they want to go, nephew will be 10 and ds and niece will both be 7. So they are at a fab age to appreciate it and it is very genorous of them to want to do it.

BUT, we have only ever been away from ds for a wekend at most and they are talking about at least 10 days. America is such a long waya away - what if something were to happen? Will they manage with 3 kids?

It's not an option for us to tag long as we could never afford it.

I don't see how I can say no, but equaly I have a niggling feeling in the pit of my tummy.

Am I being too precious?

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 21/06/2008 18:38

Is there any chance of you saving up over the next year and all going together? How do your brother/sister in law feel about it?
Could you have a family discussion about all having a holiday together somewhere cheaper?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 21/06/2008 18:44

Abbey I could not justify us saving up and spending thousands on a foreign holiday tbh.

We all went to Spain last year as PIL's live out there and were togeher as a family group for a week and this year dh, ds and I are going to Spain to stay with them for 9 days.

FIL never took his own kids to DW and quite alot of his friends have done it with their grand kids and he thinks next year is the ideal time considering their ages.

If we say no, he might still take nephew and niece then ds will be gutted or he might not take any of them and they all lose out

It feels like an impossibls decision tbh.

OP posts:
BetteNoire · 21/06/2008 18:48

Explain your concerns to PILs.
Ask if they are happy to have all three children at their house for a weekend or two, to trial how they'll all get along.
See how that goes first.

It is a wonderful opportunity, and I'm sure they'd all love the Disney trip.

Twelvelegs · 21/06/2008 18:52

Perhaps they could take everyone to paris instead for a weekend???

olyoly · 21/06/2008 18:55

I understand your concern, but it will be a special time for the kids and GPs. Disneyland is usually a one or two day thing, and the rest of the time might just be relaxing. Can you voice your concerns to your inlaws to ensure that they are extra careful?

posieflump · 21/06/2008 18:59

Twelvelegs - I said that at 2pm!

wannaBe · 21/06/2008 19:08

disneyland a 1 or two day thing? no I don't think so. Given there are 4 main parks as well as water parks you need at least a week to do disney and preferably longer to allow for some relaxing as well. Especially if you're going in school holidays because you need to allow for queuing times - it is absolutely not possible to do disney in Florida in 1/2 days. no way.

Drn you are not being selfish. You are the parent, you are the one who decides what level of being away from your child you are comfortable with, and if you're not comfortable with him going out of the country then I wouldn't let him go.

As an aside, how do you think your ds would feel about being away from you for that period of time? I know my ds would love the idea of disney, but I can catagorically state that there's no way he would even entertain the idea of going away without either me or dh for 10 days. And if your ds gets upset at any point in the trip and wants his mummy, you won't be able to be there. And sometimes you won't even be able to be on the end of the phone because of time differences, eg if he were upset going to bed for instance.

Some parents are totally happy with the idea of farming their kids out for a couple of weeks every year, that's their lookout IMO but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to do that.

kerryk · 21/06/2008 19:14

my parents suggested the exact same thing for my 2 dd's. my mum is 50 and my dad is 52 so that was no problem but i could not get my head around them taking my children to florida and being so far from me.

they then agreed to take them to disney paris instead which i had my arm twisted into said yes to but in the end dh could not get time of work so they paid for me to go with them as well

thinking about it now perhaps i should have stayed with the florida idea and i may have ended up there instead

SilentTerror · 21/06/2008 19:19

my parents took my older 3 a couple of years ago to Disneyland Paris.My 3 were 15,9 and 6 at the time.They all really enjoyed it.
I would def let him go.

findtheriver · 21/06/2008 19:29

To be fair (rather than trying to put a negative spin on it) I don't think anyone is talking about 'farming kids out'. The OP's in laws have made a very generous offer; it's entirely up to the OP and her husband to decide whether to accept. Sadly my parents and in laws are dead, so we've never had any offer like this, but if we had,I'm sure our kids would have jumped at it and we certainly wouldnt have felt we were farming our kids out.

JoanCrawford · 21/06/2008 19:38

What a fab opportunity. Let him go.

Will be hell for you for 2 weeks max but if you refuse you could regret it for many, many years to come.

AbbeyA · 21/06/2008 20:10

It looks as if you will have to go with it-or cause a lot of upset. It is a great opportunity but I do understand your concerns.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 21/06/2008 20:14

Thanks for all the feedback guys. Need to dsicuss more with everyone involved.

OP posts:
probablyaslytherin · 21/06/2008 22:53

Another thought: have your PILs been to Florida before? In the summer?
It can be pretty unbearable, especially for older people. It was pretty hard to cope with for me, 20 yrs younger.

You can have a shower at 8pm, step outdoors and within minutes are sodden with sweat again. Midday is just overwhelming. We've been twice around Easter and thought we could cope with summer but all of us (DC's too) have said 'never again' in July/August.

Also the parks are v busy then, so there is lots of standing about in a 'line', not always in the shade.

I did know one granny who hated every minute because she was so exhausted by the heat and humidity.

Regardless of time of year, we do one day at the parks alternating with one day 'chilling' at the villa.

ladymariner · 21/06/2008 23:17

Completely understand youe worries, drn, and I'd feel exactly the same, but I think it's an amazing offer, and a brilliant opportunity for gps and gc to spend quality time together and have a fabulous time. Florida is just wonderful, and your ds will have the ime of his life. I too would be really upset that he wasn't doing it with me but if you can't afford it then surely this is a way for your ds to go and be with people who really love him and would obviously take great care of him.

(and disneyland paris just doesn't compare to florida, imo, and it's still in another country!)

bonio · 21/06/2008 23:37

Let then go.
What a fab generaous offer.
Do something special yourselves at the same time

justdidntthink · 22/06/2008 06:10

It seems to me that the grandparents have made a wonderful offer out of generosity and you are about to tell them that it is only acceptable to you if you are invited too! Even if that means them having to change their destination in order to suit you! Sorry, but I think that really smacks of selfishness on your part. I understand that you would like to be with them, but as you say, you cannot afford it and I don't expect the grandparents could afford to pay for an extra four adults either! My Husband and I 'did' Florida before our children were born and always said we would take them one day. Well, they are now 19 and 17 and we never were able to afford to take them. I can tell you, we would have jumped at the chance for them to go if either set of grandparents had been in a situation to make such a generous offer as yours have. My sons will only ever see Disneyland as adults now and much of the magic of it will have gone for them because of that.
From the grandparents point of view, I would be pretty cheesed off if I had made such an offer and was told that I would have to change my plans because you didn't want him to go without you! Especially as it is to celebrate a special birthday! Disneyland Paris in no way compares to Florida and in anycase, as another poster pointed out, it is still in another country! By all means arrange for your son to spend more time with granparents and cousins without you, if you are truly worried about how he and they will cope, but to stop him going at this stage really does smack of selfishness and dare I say, jealousy on your part!

tigermoth · 22/06/2008 07:27

I don't think it's selfish to question the idea of your son going to Disneyland. I don't get the impression that DrNortherner is about to say 'no' to everything anyway. She is wondering how to suggest some compromises to the planned holiday.

I don't think seeing disneyland is an essential part of childhood IMO. In fact, some children may not even like it that much. I am not at all sure my queue-hating, height-fearing, fairground ride-avoiding ds would get loads out of it, tbh. And the humidity and heat sound pretty tough - at the very least, the holiday timing needs looking at. The villa idea sounds good as well.

I think the whole trip sounds really stressful for everyone, both those who go and those who stay behind.

I am with DrNortherner on feeling apprehensive. I don't think it's precious or selfish to question these holiday plans.

LazyLinePainterJane · 22/06/2008 07:37

I don't think Northerner is being selfish at all, justdidntthink, if anything she is massively worried about appearing so and cannot decide what to do.

I think it depends on the grandparent and your child. I would never allow DS to go with PIL as they are very laid back when it comes to watching the children and DS is an adventurer who would run off as soon as get there. There would be a serious chance of losing him and I would never sleep.

Dn on the other hand, is much less flyaway and they have taken her away abroad before.

Don't forget how crowded it will be and how easy it could be to lose a child in the mass. Have they talked about that?

belgo · 22/06/2008 08:18

tigermoth- I also hate this thing about Disneyland, about it being the 'holiday of a lifetime' for children. There are superb holidays to be had in Europe.

Pruners · 22/06/2008 08:35

Message withdrawn

lalalonglegs · 22/06/2008 08:35

If you would feel more comfortable going too, could you ask ILs to lend you the money and pay them back slowly over a couple of years?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 22/06/2008 08:47

Thanks again guys - ijustdidn'tthink thanks for taking thetime to post but I do not think I am being selfish at all.

It would be very easy to say yes, off you go you wll have a FAB time, but I keep thinking what if today was the day they were leaving? How would I feel? Having to pack his suitcase for 10 days and wave him off makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

Maybe I jsut need time to adjust, to get used to it. I don't know.

I also am thinking about what wannabe said, if we ask ds if he wants to go of course he will jump at the chance - he is 6! But, I don't think hew would be able to comprehend how long he'd be away from home for.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 22/06/2008 09:23

I actually think its a very selfless thing to do, the first time dd1 went away with gp's for 2 weeks without me I couldn't go, dd2 was 6mths old i'd just started my own business, we had no money at all because i'd been on mat leave - there was absolutely no way we could go. If I hadn't let dd1 go she wouldn't have had a lovely 2 weeks holiday making friends and playing, she really enjoyed herself, she was also 6 back then, it would have been selfish of me to keep her here because i'd miss her, because i wanted to take her on a plane for the first time, I wanted to be the one to take her on a nice holiday, I wanted those memories to be with me..........if i'd kept her at home it would have been for me, not her so I let her go and she has happy memories and has grown closer to her grandparents too which isn't a bad thing.

2rebecca · 22/06/2008 09:33

I think not letting him go would be selfish. How does not letting your son go benefit him? It doesn't. If you have brought your son up well, which I'm sure you have then you will miss him more than he misses you.