In laws want to take their grandchildren to Disney Land in the states next year for FIL's 70 th birthday, I feel a little sick............

[DrNortherner]

They want to take our ds and our niece and nephew (dh's brothers kids)

FIL is 70 next year but a very fit 70, Mil is 63. Next summer is when they want to go, nephew will be 10 and ds and niece will both be 7. So they are at a fab age to appreciate it and it is very genorous of them to want to do it.

BUT, we have only ever been away from ds for a wekend at most and they are talking about at least 10 days. America is such a long waya away - what if something were to happen? Will they manage with 3 kids?

It's not an option for us to tag long as we could never afford it.

I don't see how I can say no, but equaly I have a niggling feeling in the pit of my tummy.

Am I being too precious?

Let him go, my Ds went off for holidays up to a fortnight at a time with my parents ( I was a single parent who was at summer school, so it was a Godsend).

He loved it and now is taking his DW off to the places they used to go (it was caravaning all over the south west, different place each time, although they did go back to Dartmeet for the day each time, it was 'their' place)

My Mom died from cancer when Ds was 12, and he says he rememebrs so well these holidays and always things of Nan sitting by the caravan door, knitting, when he pictures her

ILiketoMoveIt - good post. It's easy to let the irrational worries cloud the issue with things like this.
Very often it's the 'letting go', accepting that you don't have direct control over your child 24/7 which is the crux of the matter. And ultimately, life is all about letting go... raising our children to become independent and happy people.
I really can't see the problem here. It sounds like the OP's ds will have an amazing time, and will have life long memories to treasure. As this is a 70th birthday treat, it's not going to come along again is it? It's a wonderful chance and I would grab it (in fact if it were my ds he'd never forgive me if I didnt!!).
I do think it'll help for the OP to make some exciting plans of her own for the 10 days her ds will be away, as it's much easier to 'forget worrying' about your children when you are busy yourself.

My dd's (aged almost 3 and almost 9) have just been to greece for 2 weeks with their gp's and they loved it, it gave me chance to do loads of things i don't get round to doing normally, i missed them but it was great to have time to get things sorted, i felt like a weight had been lifted so i could enjoy them more when they came home (typically they're driving me mad today, but i did miss them at the time )

Iliketomoveitmove - I wouldn't be so worried about major things like a plane crash, I would be worried about smaller things going wrong and I do understand why DrNortherner is worried. I think 10 days away with three lively children is a lot of hard work. My parents are of similar age and in good health, but I still think they would struggle, unless they were used to looking after children for long periods of time. There's a huge difference between 1 day at a theme park and ten days none stop. And I suppose I would be worried if one of them became ill.

It will be very different to the relaxing holidays they are used to.

if it's for his 70th birthday I don't get why he doesn't want to include everyone
Can't you just say that you would all like to do something for his b/day not just the kids

I don't think your being too precious. I think it's quite natural to have a little worry or concern.

I've just been to florida with 5 other adults and 3 children. My dps parents took along their 2 gc and we had my dd. There is no way we could have done a park every day, the heat, the crowds, the soles of my feet screaming. We also 'shared' out the responsibility of looking after the children and I have to admit I was so glad we had other adults to help. No matter how fit you are, 3 children to watch over, push luggage for through a busy airport, plaster in sunscreen(sometimes several times a day if they're in water), feed, entertain, corral, please, get on rides suitable for their age and look after the others who are too young or old for the particular ride, take shopping and keep safe is a daunting task.

However, being prepared for all of the above, planning and a few rules set down before leaving, it could be done.

I'd suggest staying in a house rather than a hotel. There are some lovely vacation homes for rent with pools and all the home comforts and actually all three of our juniors preferred the pool to all other costly entertainment which of course we didn't mind as it gave us a chance to relax 'at home'.

If you would like to go but are worried about money, a rented villa could help reduce the cost so consider it before writing it off. The rental cost split is far cheaper than hotel rooms, you can cook your own food so less cost on eating out(walmart and publix are cheap and have everything under the sun you could need for a holiday) We brought one bag each away with us, bought all our holiday clothes, sunscreens and pool toys for next or nothing over there and bought another two bags for half the price you'd get them at home for bringing all our new stuff back. You spend more time at the house, BBQ, pool, safe, private haven so less expensive days than a themepark everyday. There are loads of ways to bring down what initially seems like a huge financial layout, really worth considering and of course you'd get to be part of those lovely memories too.

Hope it all works out whatever you decide.

I agree with Pheebe and Posieflump. I think it's pretty rotten for you, that you would miss out on the experience - and seeing your DS enjoy it.

Or you could look at it another way, and think 'How nice that they want to include their gcs in the birthday celebrations!!' I don't see why the gp's should be expected to invite the entire family along (and besides, I would imagine the logistics of 4 other adults all getting time off work for 10 days could be tricky). They are making a wonderful gesture, and offering something special which may not happen again, and it will give the children the most incredible memories of their grandparents.

FTR - yes, that's a much more positive spin on it. My not-very-helpful post just reflected the way I'd feel, if it were me. I think I would have to have a word with them. 3 or 4 days at Eurodisney would seem much more palatable to me, if a compromise had to be found.

I think it is too long unless they are already used to going to stay with them for a week at a time

a long weekend, a short week, or one of you coming with them seems better to me - and I don't think it's being precious. Lots of people feel they don't enjoy more than a few days away from their family and arrange their lives so this doesn't happen. Just because some people enjoy extended periods away from their children doesn't mean it has to be ok for your family.

FWIW one of my fondest childhood memories is a holiday to Wales (by bus ) with my Gran and my Aunt. I was 7 at the time and it was fabulous. I adored them and would do anything for them so I was on my best behaviour at all times, lapping up the attention; I was probably much nicer for them than if I had been with my parents . It was fine and I was the kind of child who got terribly homesick, to the point of actually being sick just to get to go home from guide camp and the like.

I'd be more upset that I wasn't going too!

I would want to be with my children the first time they went to DisneyWorld (yes I know it's commercialised consumerism at it's utmost but it's still fab).

And with all respect to your ILs taking 3 children to DW would be exhausting for anyone. We took DD1 to Disneyland Paris when she was 3 for 4 days and were shattered each day!

I'd let him go. My parents took my dds (then aged 5 and 7) to Disneyland Paris last year. My dad was 74 and my mum 68. They all loved it. This was only Paris, admittedly, not the US. But that was for financial reasons more than anything else. And, if anything, it was more 'foreign' than the US, since my parents don't speak a word of French, so if anything had gone wrong there would have been the language barrier to contend with too.

My dds spend at least a week a year at my parents' house without us. My parents live a long way away (depending on traffic up to 8 hours' drive) and it's a great way for them to spend some quality time with the girls.

I think it's a nice thing that your parents are offering to do. I understand why you're nervous about it. But I would still let him go if it was me.

PS Disneyland Paris (or Disneyland-anywhere-else for that matter) is my idea of hell-on-earth, so I was very pleased to let my parents take the girls. Obviously not everyone is such a party-pooper as me, though!

I am soo jealous (not helpful, but true! lol)

maybe you could all go to the Paris one to keep costs down?

Mu neighbours take their granddaughters (5 & 10) away each year on a holiday abroad. They have loads more energy than me lol (they are 64 & 68.) I think it is a fab gesture, the girls love it and grandpa and grandma although tired, love it too!

The lucky parents get a break and a chance to rekindle their relationship. You bet I am jealous!

I wouldn't let them go, I would hate to be in another country than my kids (till they are older), so far away, I just would hate it and. I would let them celebrate with DC nearer to home instead. MIL offered to take DD away when she was a baby but we politely declined. IMO holidays abroad would be with us till they are older.

My son went to Disney with his grandad aged 7years. Grandad came back absolutely knackered but they had a fab time. It was also son's first time on plane. Five years later sons 1 and 2 went to Sri Lanka with my parents. Son No 2 was only 5 and had never slept away from home. Both boys loved it. I hated every min and cried tears of relief when they returned. Would I make the same decision again? Yes. Saying no would have been selfish on my part.

No, would worry way too much, but then I am a born worrier and overprotective type of mommy...only left ds with my parents in the day without worying - they do a better job than me..

but ils have a bit off a laissez faire approach to parenting

i would also worry that they may take their eyes off him for a sec and he may disppear or something..

I wouldn't let him go.

And it's not because I'd be worried about something happening, it just feels wrong to me that I be in a different country to my child.

Plus disney is so magical to young children, I would want to be there to experience that with him.

And ten days is far too long to be away in a foreign country IMO, with no way of going home if it was too long for the child.

Wannabe you are right, it feels wrong to me that I am in a different ciuntry to him too. but that is solfish isn't it?

SIL is fine about it, buth then they have a 10 day hol each year where the kids go to her mums/come to us so we know her kids will cope and she will too.

I on the other hand have only had the odd weekend away with dh, and always in this country.

Dh has the same concerns as me also.

Eurodisney is a much better idea, for aome reason I do not feel as edgy about that. I will suggesst.

I don't wnat to be a party pooper, but on teh same token he's my son and I have to be comfortabl don't I?

I would hate it and I would get my husband to try to talk them out of it. I would worry about a million things all the time and just wouldn't want to be in a different country from them in case something happened. Of course nothing would happen. But I would still hate it.

I have a similar but much sillier situation because my pils are always asking me to leave my 18 mo with them for a weekend and I smile and say maybe but she hardly knows them - well she doesn't know them! - and they say that's the only way they can get to know her, but I don't understand why I have to NOT be there.

Can you suggest to your dh suggesting you all go to Eurodisney? They just want your children to experience a really fun place with them. Okay, it's not the same experience, but it's nice if families are together, isn't it? Oh, maybe I'm selfish too.

YANB selfish at all, not letting him go. I think it is just what many parents would feel is right. I would never go abroad without my young kids nor let them go without me or DH- even though many of my friends/family do, it just feels wrong for me/us. If the PIL force the issue, then they are the selfish ones IMO. You have to go with your feelings, thats what parenting is about. It is not selfish at all to not feel right about your young child being in another country without you for a long time.