DP has left me, I think there’s an OW

[Yellow34]

DP and I have been together 6 years and have a 1 year old and 4 year old together. I’ve felt so disconnected with him recently, he’s been off with me and snappy. He’s finally told me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I stupidly begged him and he got really horrible rewriting history to say that I actually trapped him with two kids, he never loved me and was exhausted from pretending, he can’t take it anymore. I’m so deeply upset and angry. It just screams OW
to me but he’s sworn on lives theres not.
I feel awful and I just don’t know what to do. Practical side of things are OK, he’s moved back to his parents and we’re not married so it’s an easy split , I can afford this rent here on my own. Emotionally I’m just wrecked, I’m stupidly tearing up every time we have a short conversation and I end up begging him for answers because I just can’t believe it. Any advice?

I I’m so very sorry OP.
what makes you think there’s an ow?

Thank you I think the build up of him being distant and rather than wanting to fix it, he’s leaving and then suddenly rewriting our whole relationship. I just have this feeling his heads being turned to be this cold.

It's the script 💯 So sorry OP

Well, you are probably right. It’s either that, or he got bored with thr grind of small kids. Either way he’s shown you who he really is. I’m so sorry. It must be hard to deal with :( big hugs to you.

So sorry OP,. He is the classic when children come along he can't cope with it man.
I vividly remember being where you are now. He did the same, disappeared back to his Mums house and "suddenly" there was a new girlfriend he had "only just met"
It is absolutely heartbreaking and it's shit but you have to just rebuild.
You have two beautiful children, you are young, you can and will be okay.

You might well be right OP, his being so nasty and rewriting history sounds like he's justifying leaving to himself. If there is another woman, it won't be long before he's telling you he's 'met someone' and started dating - it's the oldest trick in the book 🙄

If having a conversation with him is making you too emotional, is there someone who could act as a go-between to make arrangements for him to see the children? His mother, your mother, a close friend? It would probably be a good thing to have some distance from him until you're feeling stronger.

You are going to be ok, in fact you are going to be great because you are better off without the feckless, nasty, faithless wanker. He is not who you thought he was. You deserve much better.

Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Have a good cry when you need to and drink wine and bitch about him to your friends. One day soon you will wake up and it won't hurt as much and every day it will get better. Sending hugs 💐

Oh not another feckless, useless, selfish man.
I'm so sorry @Yellow34

You must be devastated.

This happened to me when our children were 3 and 6 months. He suddenly changed. Cold, private, angry at me, rewrote our entire relationship. Couldn’t look at me or spend time with me. Picking at any minor thing around the house. Insults, name calling. I couldn’t work out what I’d done, I felt like I was going crazy. I said sorry. It wasn’t enough.

Yes he was cheating with another woman

BTW if there's another woman, he'll pretend that he only met her after he moved out.

So sorry OP - it's such a common tale. I think a significant number of men just can't cope without a woman's 100% attention and adulation, and then have their head turned by an OW, who by comparison appears free and exciting. Because she's probably not looking after v young DC probably!
I always find it shocking how easy these men seem to find it to walk away from their DC, but you can build a good life for you and your DC without him.

It's beside the point but swearing on somebody's else's life- especially your children - is really really tacky and arrogant. Swear on your own life ya prick, then if god considers you to be a cheating lying wanker she can strike you down.

So how will he cope with shared parenting I wonder.

The one thing about these men is they do follow a script. It usually starts with "othering" you, he is cold, nasty, he has rewritten your relationship and you because if he doesn't then he's just a basic cheater and that won't do.
He has to make out you are the problem, you got to involved with the babies and young children, you neglected him. He's the poor soul that just had to flee when the dirty nappies and sleepless nights and the fun stopped and the reality of having young children got too much.
It's on him.
He is the failure.
He couldn't be the man and father.
Lots like him have come and gone and lots like him will be around in the future.
You have to realise he is that kind of man.
It killed me at the time I had one of these men because I looked around and saw plenty of dedicated, lovely, in it for the duration and the hard times men my friends had, yet I had him.
Years later I realised he did me a massive favour.
Keep posting for support but please do realise he is not a man you want or need. He has bailed at the first hurdles, whether another woman is involved or not, it doesn't really matter.
He is a weak man. You can and will rebuild and be more than okay x

I’m sorry OP, but yes it does sound like that is what is happening. It might not be, but it’s following the exact script they all do so far.
mine included. He also looked me in the eye and swore on our child’s life. Still can’t really forgive him for that.

for what it’s worth, and I know you won’t see this now, but he has shown you who he really is, and once you see it you can’t unsee it. It’s scary going through change, but there is a new and better life on the other side of this.

to me but he’s sworn on lives theres not. Well he would wouldn't he.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1634754-Men-affairs-what-is-the-script

What a complete and utter bastard I’m so sorry OP. Go and see your GP. I was prescribed medication for panic and anxiety (lorazepam and diazepam) when my ex husband left me with a baby and a toddler. It really helped.

I’m so sorry @Yellow34You will get lots of good advice on here over the coming days. Keep posting because there will be lots of us who want to support you.

Do you have people in rl to support you?

Another man who can't cope with the commitment of having children so decides to say that he's "been trapped" into it.
It's so pathetic and so common.

I am so sorry he has done this to you OP. Make sure that he pulls his weight with the children and has them on his own giving you the same time to rebuild that he will have.
It will feel hard for you to be part from them but make sure he stays parenting your kids.

So sorry for what you are going through @Yellow34 .
[BIG MN HUG for you]

The rewriting of history, what an absolute coward. A total prick. So sorry OP but you deserve better than this completely predictable shit.

This is absolutely brutal. It’s so cliched to say but you are better off without him. It must feel incredibly overwhelming and painful. My exH and I split up when my youngest was 18months old , we had to leave our home and it was tragic. He behaved despicably and I had to stay strong for the children but I was totally broken. I will say though that there is absolutely light at the other end, you will work through it , it is going to be tough but please focus on yourself and the children . Be kind to yourself and if he wants to go, then let him. There is no shame in trying to fight for your marriage but he’s told you it’s over, so listen. He’s showed you that he is not right or enough for you and one day you will thank him. Lean on friends, stay sober and clear headed, go slowly and get therapy. Bolster yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Sending love and strength x

Who would really want this poor specimen of a dad being central in the lives of the dc? He’s said he’s been trapped by their existence. So what will he do for them? Not much is my guess. If he’s on the birth cert, he’s got parental responsibility but he’s just run out of their lives. I would do absolutely nothing at the moment.

So sorry @Yellow34. Unfortunately been there and done it. Sending you love and strength.

Your gut will be right

Thank you everyone , had an awful night sleep , woke up at 4am and had a cry again. I absolutely thought that he won’t announce the OW until we’ve split and pretend he met her afterwards too. I’m preparing myseld for it. I am so bloody devastated but going to try function the best I can for the kids