It was one of the worst things that anyone has done to me… and he doesn’t even remember?!

[catsaremyfavoirite]

In my early 20s when I was foolish and dumb, I had a holiday romance which turned into a 6-month long distance situation. I thought I was in love but I was stupid, but then I was allowed to be at that age.

At one point he was in a bad state financially and lost his job, told me he was living in his car etc. I loaned him some money (and was clear it was a loan) as an emergency. Less than a week later I was told by 2 independent sources that he was living with another girl and was boasting about how he’d got money from me. I confronted him and he denied it of course, and got angry at me for believing others. But I knew it was true as I found the girl’s social media and her pics confirmed it.

I was obviously very upset and felt humiliated. He promised he would give me the money back when I was there on a certain date, but when the date came he disappeared back to his hometown. I decided for my own sake I needed to move on completely, I sent a final message saying I’m going to give up on getting the money back for my own wellbeing, and I was not going to talk to him again.

And that was how it was for over a decade. I moved on and made my peace, but it’s one of the worst things anyone has done to me. And then one day out of the blue, several years on, he messaged me. I ignored it at first but then he asked why I ‘disappeared’ and sorry if he did anything to upset me. I then replied to say he should know perfectly well, but he didn’t seem to remember at all. I said about the money and he said ‘did you give me money?’ I said how can you not remember? He then said he thinks he gave it back to me and I said no, you did not. He then said he remembers I told everyone about it and that HE FORGIVES ME for doing that. I said ‘it should be you asking me for forgiveness!’ And blocked him.

I just can’t believe some people have no conscience at all and he can’t remember what he did to me. It took me a long time to get over it but I hoped he would feel some remorse. Some people just don’t, do they?

He was taking the piss then and he's taking the piss now.

Abusers like this are so abusive to so many people, that it's a routine for them

What is, for you, one of the most devastating events in your life was a regular weekday to him

He's such a consciousless psycho he doesn't realise/doesn't want to realise the damage he's doing

He's Mr Nice Guy and can't understand why you distanced yourself, or why you don't want to 'stay friends'

Just block him

He knows. He’s a game playing prick with a giant ego. He likely won’t have changed at all, but they simply don’t care.

Or as above, he’s simply lost track of the people he’s treated like shit.

Agree he’s probably got money out of so many women, it doesn’t register as a thing he’s done to just you. I honestly would expect this message now was warming up to ask you to help him with a new emergency for old times sake. He’s probably forgotten you were one who realised you were being exploited.

Of course he remembers 😂

He's a scammer and doesn't care about anyone so it's no big deal to him. Stop engaging with him and block him. Chalk this one up to experience and don't give it another thought.

It took me a long time to get over it but I hoped he would feel some remorse. Some people just don’t, do they?

Nope. They feel justified in what they do and give no shits.

I did something similar back in 1988 when I was 17 and I still have a little fume about it now and again. I lent £40 to a college friend and it became clear she had no intention of paying it back, even though I really needed it back. She said she'd come into Superdrug where I worked on Saturdays, and give it back. I didn't work in Superdrug, I worked in Debenhams. I phoned her about it and she pretended there was a taxi at the door so she had to go, because she was moving to Ireland that day, at that minute. I gave up at that point.

Back then there wasn't social media of course, but now that there is, I looked her up some time ago and found she is still living in the same town in England that we went to college in, shocker 🙄 and now runs a cleaning business. I still wonder whether to pop up on her company's FB page and ask for the £40 back with 38 years interest! 😜I'm supremely confident she forgot all about it within days of the money being loaned to her. Entitled, selfish cow.

Absolute cheeky fucker then, absolute cheeky fucker now. Absolutely shameless. Well done for blocking him.

My ex dumped me just before we were about to go travelling for a few months. Thought it was OK to disappear to the other side of the world and leave all his worldly goods at my house. Couldn't understand why I told him if he didn't get someone to collect them they'd be off to the tip. Still owes me thousands. Five years later he looks like sht, is single and I'm with a lovely man. Karma always gets them.

Either he does remember and he's gaslighting you, or he scams so many women it's just another day of the week to him

Well, OP, he had a track record of lying through his teeth when you knew him, so it shouldn't really come as a surprise that he's kept it up.

I just can’t believe some people have no conscience at all and he can’t remember what he did to me.

Why do you think he can't remember?

It’s a typical bait and switch from men who have no conscience or accountability - they play dumb like it never happened. I had it done to me by someone who was abusive and horrible to me. Don’t waste your time trying to understand them just move on - and take comfort knowing these people are so tormented inside that ten years on he reaches out - my toxic ex is exactly the same! I’ve blocked him everywhere and he still reaches out once a year or so trying to worm his way back in!!!

Pure unadulterated EVIL.

He’s probably constitutionally incapable of telling the truth about anything. He remembers, he’d just rather play games because he’s that sort of person.

He’s ‘hoovering’ you. Trying to see if he can get back into your life to abuse you again. Steer well clear x

He's just a freak liar trying to draw you back into his web of bullshit. Tell him he's nothing to you and he can fuck off.

I think any statute of limitations had timed out to get the money back even if you had it on texts/paper proving it was a loan. And even then he wouldn't pay you back regardless. It's all just a ruse to lure you in and he'll probably ask for more money if you keep speaking to him.

Nasty man. But cheer yourself up that you dodged a bullet there. Just think what he probably did to the other woman.

If he's recently messaged you, he remembers he got money off you and thinks you might be a soft touch.

Just block him. There's no use wasting your headspace on a grifting man.

I lent monies to a 'friend' totalling about £200 for small scale emergencies with a promise she'd repay when she was paid at the end of the month. She didn't, then disappeared for a long while. She reappeared about 18 months later, we went for a walk, I mentioned the money, she laughed and brushed it off and disappeared again. I'm not stressing about the money, I know I won't get it back but I did learn a valuable lesson.

Urghh, I know a guy who refused to pay £200-ish that my friend had lent him. He moved to a different city and and ignored all requests to cough up for a long time.

Then he tried to say he'd given the money to another mutual friend, but accused them of not passing it on (total lie).

Eventually he gave her a sob story about how he couldn't afford it and was doing voluntary work with starving orphans in Africa or something. But according to LinkedIn, he was actually earning megabucks as a London city banker.

She gave up eventually but it still annoys me even though it wasn't my money! He was such a tosser.

Lucky you if thats the worst thing that's happened to you in all these years. Ive been a rape and donestic violence victim and so have loads of other women.
For goodness sake just chalk it up to experience and forget about this horrible man. Every horrible experience is a lesson and Im sure you'll be very careful who you lend to in future.

Yep, similar happened to me in the late 90s when I was stupid enough to believe that all people were fundamentally decent. Nope, they're not.

I lost money to not one but two guys. I was young, yes, but to this day if I think about either guy, I feel my heart rate increasing with anger. Never got a penny back. They both disappeared like the scumbags they were.

I said ‘one of’ as it was a big betrayal which stayed with me. Its put me off trusting anyone or having close friends as a result. I’m not by any means comparing my experiences with things that have happened to other people like the awful things you have described.

im really sorry for you ; fellow dv violence and rape victim , people are allowed to have things that still piss them off or class it as the worse thing that’s happened to them , I still moan about daft things that annoy me it’s part of life and unfortunately there is always someone worse off than you

Use it as a life lesson but don't let it stop you from trusting people, we all need to learn who to trust with what - there were probably other red flags you ignored.
the world is slightly crazy atm so learning discernment's probably a good idea. There's a scary amount of twats looking to scam.

But you tried to help someone and be trusting, don't be overly hard on yourself or internalise this