It was one of the worst things that anyone has done to me… and he doesn’t even remember?!

[catsaremyfavoirite]

In my early 20s when I was foolish and dumb, I had a holiday romance which turned into a 6-month long distance situation. I thought I was in love but I was stupid, but then I was allowed to be at that age.

At one point he was in a bad state financially and lost his job, told me he was living in his car etc. I loaned him some money (and was clear it was a loan) as an emergency. Less than a week later I was told by 2 independent sources that he was living with another girl and was boasting about how he’d got money from me. I confronted him and he denied it of course, and got angry at me for believing others. But I knew it was true as I found the girl’s social media and her pics confirmed it.

I was obviously very upset and felt humiliated. He promised he would give me the money back when I was there on a certain date, but when the date came he disappeared back to his hometown. I decided for my own sake I needed to move on completely, I sent a final message saying I’m going to give up on getting the money back for my own wellbeing, and I was not going to talk to him again.

And that was how it was for over a decade. I moved on and made my peace, but it’s one of the worst things anyone has done to me. And then one day out of the blue, several years on, he messaged me. I ignored it at first but then he asked why I ‘disappeared’ and sorry if he did anything to upset me. I then replied to say he should know perfectly well, but he didn’t seem to remember at all. I said about the money and he said ‘did you give me money?’ I said how can you not remember? He then said he thinks he gave it back to me and I said no, you did not. He then said he remembers I told everyone about it and that HE FORGIVES ME for doing that. I said ‘it should be you asking me for forgiveness!’ And blocked him.

I just can’t believe some people have no conscience at all and he can’t remember what he did to me. It took me a long time to get over it but I hoped he would feel some remorse. Some people just don’t, do they?

This is exactly what my ex used to do. He would frequently borrow money from me, usually small amounts but when time went by and I asked for it back it was nearly always a case of ‘I don’t remember you lending me that!’, ‘it wasn’t £50. It was £20.’ or ‘I already paid you that back!’ It’s one of the many reasons he’s an ex.

Of course he remembers! they always do, it’s called gaslighting. Now you’re doubly pissed off. pissed off by the actual event and pissed off at being gaslighted over it years later. Personally, I would not have given him that second chance to trigger me. The minute I saw his name I would have blocked him.

Its very hurtful, OP and if you take my advice, get him blocked as he'll only do it again, or something else awful. That's what these people do and once its happened to you, you never forget the pain and utter bewilderment that you fell for it. They are very convincing and will twist everything to their own advantage.

I don't even know what mine wanted from me, but he certainly took money, resources and made promises that he subsequently didn't remember. Then he "forgot" I was his partner and got himself another one. She is very welcome. It hurts and he's blocked everywhere so he might think twice if he ever tries to come back. I recommend you do the same as he certainly hasn't changed.

I am not sure they do, they have an off locus of control. It's like when you watch tv shows where people get pulled over for no tax, licence , insurance etc, it's always their view that they are being got at, it's not their fault, why are you doing this to me. I think when you aren't like that you can't get into their head and understand their mindset. It's the classic dv thing, if you'd not done x I wouldn't have had to hit you.

Agree. You know the threats aren’t real, just manipulation tactic. Fuck him.

Well put. OP is allowed her feelings about this.

Clearly he does remember it or why would he say he gave u it back or that he remembers you telling people?

you were right about him even at that young age. He is a manipulator and an all round c*nt. you learned a valuable lesson at a young age here about not trusting everyone you meet. I’d say you got value for money there.

He's a scammer and most likely contacting you again on the chance he can re-scam you.
You need to treat the first experience as a paid for life lesson. Honestly you even responding to him and not automatically blocking him is worrying to me, because you sound vulnerable. If you are under any doubt with him, or any other stranger leaves you feeling uneasy or confused, please PLEASE contact a trusted loved one or family member to help with getting the right perspective and before you take any action at all. Even things like telling him your address or phone number could leave you exposed to fraud.

This is enough to bother taking him to court over it. Look into the small claims court if you haven't already, and consequences for him if the court finds in your favour and he doesn't pay.

Some people are just this way sadly, no moral compass, no thought for others feeling etc. he did remember what he had done, of course he did! He sounds like a horrible person and was just stroking his ego messaging you to see if you’d reply.

I had an ex in my 20s who gas lit me constantly, and was seeing me whilst having a girlfriend, I found out and confronted him and he denied it even though I found the girl and had been speaking to her, he then gas lit the heck out of her so she was then messaging me saying I was lying. Anyway, saw recently he was briefly on some morning show as he got his finger bit off by a woman who was delivering something. That was a little dose of his karma and just shows the type of person he is to even get in situation