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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice on FWB please…

32 replies

bluelightwonder · 23/04/2026 15:22

Hi all, long time lurker here! Never posted before.

I have had a FWB on and off for the last two years following my divorce from my husband (two adult kids). I’m female, mid forties.

I now feel ready for a proper relationship and as such, my feelings for this guy have grown stronger, so I asked him whether we might ever be anything more to which he replied that we wouldn’t, he’s happy with things as they are and he has plans for his future, and he doesn’t want to hurt me by lying to me. I am devastated by this but I get it.

I have been on a number of dates with other people over the last few months and I just don’t have any spark or feelings for them, probably because I now like the FWB too much I suspect, so preventing me from moving on.

Do I carry on seeing FWB until I meet, or hope to meet someone else, or do I knock it on the head now, and ride out the painful misery that will follow? It’s going to happen at some point no doubt.

And what if I end it and never meet anyone else?

OP posts:
CocoaTea · 23/04/2026 21:19

bluelightwonder · 23/04/2026 21:14

I’m going to call it, and save myself from
any future pain. It isn’t fun anymore for me, I know this. I also know it’s going to be hard to just cut him off but I can do it and I will do it. Thanks everyone. Wish me luck!

It is very hard but you can do it.

You can always come back here and post if you need to.

💐

JutrScot · 23/04/2026 21:22

Have some self respect and don’t allow this man to continue to use you as an easy shag until he finds someone better.

You know where you stand now.

Original poster
bluelightwonder · Yesterday 08:38

@Wanttobeanonhere246 thank you. It’s going to be a tough few weeks I think

OP posts:
Original poster
bluelightwonder · Yesterday 08:39

@Brightbluesomething how long did it take you to get past the worst? And have you managed to fully move on?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluelightwonder · Yesterday 08:39

@CocoaTea thank you

OP posts:
GimmieABreakOr3 · Yesterday 08:41

bluelightwonder · 23/04/2026 15:22

Hi all, long time lurker here! Never posted before.

I have had a FWB on and off for the last two years following my divorce from my husband (two adult kids). I’m female, mid forties.

I now feel ready for a proper relationship and as such, my feelings for this guy have grown stronger, so I asked him whether we might ever be anything more to which he replied that we wouldn’t, he’s happy with things as they are and he has plans for his future, and he doesn’t want to hurt me by lying to me. I am devastated by this but I get it.

I have been on a number of dates with other people over the last few months and I just don’t have any spark or feelings for them, probably because I now like the FWB too much I suspect, so preventing me from moving on.

Do I carry on seeing FWB until I meet, or hope to meet someone else, or do I knock it on the head now, and ride out the painful misery that will follow? It’s going to happen at some point no doubt.

And what if I end it and never meet anyone else?

Absolutely knock it on its head. You are not really freeing your emotions up to anyone new all the time this fwb is on the scene. You need time to grieve your feelings.

Brightbluesomething · Yesterday 20:49

bluelightwonder · Yesterday 08:39

@Brightbluesomething how long did it take you to get past the worst? And have you managed to fully move on?

We knew each other for a long time so it wasn’t going to go away overnight. I had to accept he would never be what I wanted as his life path wasn’t the same as mine. I wanted a relationship and he wanted to live on his own with the occasional hookup. He’s probably doing that now and I do hope it makes him happy.
But I can date again now (over a year later) and my life is really good. I’m a bit more cautious now and quicker to end things that I’m not ok with, to avoid the years of my life I spent thinking I was building something when we weren’t.
I’ve seen him once since and we had a friendly chat without me wanting to message so that’s good progress. Time really does help.

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