Advice on FWB please…

[bluelightwonder]

Hi all, long time lurker here! Never posted before.

I have had a FWB on and off for the last two years following my divorce from my husband (two adult kids). I’m female, mid forties.

I now feel ready for a proper relationship and as such, my feelings for this guy have grown stronger, so I asked him whether we might ever be anything more to which he replied that we wouldn’t, he’s happy with things as they are and he has plans for his future, and he doesn’t want to hurt me by lying to me. I am devastated by this but I get it.

I have been on a number of dates with other people over the last few months and I just don’t have any spark or feelings for them, probably because I now like the FWB too much I suspect, so preventing me from moving on.

Do I carry on seeing FWB until I meet, or hope to meet someone else, or do I knock it on the head now, and ride out the painful misery that will follow? It’s going to happen at some point no doubt.

And what if I end it and never meet anyone else?

It is very hard but you can do it.

You can always come back here and post if you need to.

💐

Have some self respect and don’t allow this man to continue to use you as an easy shag until he finds someone better.

You know where you stand now.

@Wanttobeanonhere246 thank you. It’s going to be a tough few weeks I think

@Brightbluesomething how long did it take you to get past the worst? And have you managed to fully move on?

@CocoaTea thank you

Absolutely knock it on its head. You are not really freeing your emotions up to anyone new all the time this fwb is on the scene. You need time to grieve your feelings.

We knew each other for a long time so it wasn’t going to go away overnight. I had to accept he would never be what I wanted as his life path wasn’t the same as mine. I wanted a relationship and he wanted to live on his own with the occasional hookup. He’s probably doing that now and I do hope it makes him happy.
But I can date again now (over a year later) and my life is really good. I’m a bit more cautious now and quicker to end things that I’m not ok with, to avoid the years of my life I spent thinking I was building something when we weren’t.
I’ve seen him once since and we had a friendly chat without me wanting to message so that’s good progress. Time really does help.

Thanks @Brightbluesomething. This sounds exactly the same. I have to accept that he will never be what I want him to be and it’s utterly heartbreaking.

I’ve ended it, told him the reasons why and he sent a lovely message back saying I’d made a wise decision because he really cannot offer me any more, thanked me for being in his life, wished me well and hopes I meet someone who can offer me what I want and said he’s always round for a chat.

This has broken my heart even more, and I honestly don’t know how I’ll get through the next few weeks.

@Wanttobeanonhere246thank you - I can’t work out how to private message?

@bluelightwonder you click the 3 dots on the post. I’ve PM’d you though so you can reply

Be careful of the being around to talk messages - they still hope that they can have sex with you. Been there, got the t shirt and the best thing is to not see them at all - no communication. I eventually had to block mine as he wouldn't leave me alone even after I was in a new relationship. In fact block him and delete his number so there is no temptation.

This FWB lark is a total myth. Human emotions and attraction being what they are there is always a good chance of this happening. It's not really a good idea for most people imho.

@Wanttobeanonhere246 I’ve pm’d you

Dolly I think that’s a hurtful, untrue statement to make to the OP. She’s struggling with her feelings but I don’t think the was any intention- from either party- of using each other.

OP you were right to end things as he can’t give you what you want and you deserve someone who can. It will sting for a while but 6 months from now I think you will be glad you left.