How should I end it after finding his Hinge profile active?

[Vanillallatte10]

We haven’t been together for long - 4 and a half months. I had no suspicions at all. He has been really caring and attentive - planning thoughtful dates, consistent, and (I thought) genuine. We met IRL at work (don’t work together often, once in a blue moon)

He doesn’t know I know yet.

A friend of mine (who he has not met, but who knows what he looks like) sent me a screenshot of his Hinge profile - he had sent her a ‘like’. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that it could be an old ‘like’ - so asked her to match him to see if his page was still active.

Lo and behold, he messages her almost instantly chatting her up.

I’m gutted but also relieved that I have found this out so early - as he must just be that sort of man. I haven’t yet said anything to him, I wanted to remain composed and not fly off the handle in an undignified manner.

Any ideas of how to end things? We have a date planned for tomorrow evening, confirmed the time/place yesterday afternoon shortly before I found out about the cheating.

'Hi, I just matched with THE most amazing guy on Hinge, he's my perfect man, our date tomorrow night is off - I'm sure you understand. Have a great life byeeee'

Hi, I see your dating profile is still active, so we obviously don't want the same thing. I'm calling it a day now, all the best.

go on one last date and shower him with compliments. tell him he’s handsome and brave and strong. (dont share any feelings like i love you or anything about you, just highlight all his good and masculine qualities).

then ghost him.

hahah this is brilliant! do this

Tell him you're leaving him because his mid-section is fat and hairy and you don't fancy him anymore.

No one could be arsed with that, surely?

Surely after over four months that's implicit?? Unless it was obviously a FWB type thing.

They did have that chat 4 months and have since been dating each other exclusively (or at least OP has) but generally speaking I would say that sadly no it’s not implicit in today’s world!

Many do like to drag things out and you never what people are thinking so it’s best to do the exclusivity chat to check if your assumption is correct.

I’ve known people dating for almost a year and it’s not exclusive.

I wouldn't tell him I knew and I wouldn't ghost him. Why should he know the real reason, far better be reflect on where he might be lacking. I also wouldn't give him an opportunity to slag me off.

One text - just getting back to you about tomorrow night. I've realised we aren't compatible so best to just end it now. Happy to be civil colleagues but please don't contact me again for any non-work related reasons. All the best.

It will drive him mad and it's not a lie - you are not compatible because he's a lying cheating prick!

Sorry OP. What a shame.

Sorry to be blunt but I doubt he’ll care, he will be shagging someone else by next weekend (if he hasn’t been already).

Be an adult, message him, and move on without bitterness. You’ve dodged a bullet clearly.

Just text him what you know

Yes yes you can be all high and mighty, but isn't revenge just delicious?

My diabolical suggestion (not that I would ever personally have the stomach to do this 🤣) would be to start having sex with him (or at least snog him if you can't bring yourself to do it) then stop in the middle and say "oh god I can't do this anymore" and look like you've smelt something terrible but are trying to keep a straight face. Avoid eye contact at all costs. Hurriedly get dressed. Leave. Ignore the "what's wrong"s and say you'll talk to him later and then NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN.

Crush that motherfucker's ego.

I find this such an unusual suggestion. I can't think of any reason why it's a good idea.

Quickly and cleanly. Why would you create a drama when ending things with someone you sometimes work with.

Men!

Op I think I would be hi x just wanted to check if tomorrow is cancelled and when he responds just say oh I saw you’re looking for someone new. So go for it bye!

If you can be bothered you could set up a fake hinge profile, connect then arrange to meet. Then obviously he's stood up. That's a childish but satisfying activity. Meanwhile you just dump him as you've just realised there's no chemistry.

@outerspacepotato

If you supposedly went exclusive when you first started dating, that's a red flag.

How is that a red flag? Honestly, if I dated someone and they then went on a date with someone else I would break it off immediately. They would be just not that into me, in my opinion. That’s fine but I wouldn’t play second fiddle or be sharing.

To the bin with him, in that case! Sorry you’re going through this OP.

Message him saying this isn’t working for you and you wish him all the best. And then block him. Leave quietly. Women don’t exist to teach men how to be decent people. They can figure it out on their dime or jog on.

I would definitely make it clear you have seen his dating profile

He won't give a shit really, not worth it

This

Tell him you’re really sorry but you’ve met someone else and just want to be honest with him before it gets anymore serious between you guys, but you want to remain professional at work 😂 That leaves no door open for him to weedle his way back in. Dont worry what he thinks of you! He obviously doesn’t care anyway