How should I end it after finding his Hinge profile active?

[Vanillallatte10]

We haven’t been together for long - 4 and a half months. I had no suspicions at all. He has been really caring and attentive - planning thoughtful dates, consistent, and (I thought) genuine. We met IRL at work (don’t work together often, once in a blue moon)

He doesn’t know I know yet.

A friend of mine (who he has not met, but who knows what he looks like) sent me a screenshot of his Hinge profile - he had sent her a ‘like’. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that it could be an old ‘like’ - so asked her to match him to see if his page was still active.

Lo and behold, he messages her almost instantly chatting her up.

I’m gutted but also relieved that I have found this out so early - as he must just be that sort of man. I haven’t yet said anything to him, I wanted to remain composed and not fly off the handle in an undignified manner.

Any ideas of how to end things? We have a date planned for tomorrow evening, confirmed the time/place yesterday afternoon shortly before I found out about the cheating.

I mean I’d set up a profile on there and send him a message asking if he fancies a drink tomorrow night but then I’m sure someone with more sense and forgiveness can give you better advice!

Wish him luck in finding someone on hinge. Short and sweet.

Had you had a conversation about being exclusive?

I'd send him a screenshot of his chat with your friend and say "in light of this I don't want to see you anymore".

And then block.

Don't do anything op, just block and ghost. He deserves nothing from you, no explanation, nothing.

If he trys to contact you, block
If he turns up at your door, ignore

Silence is the way to go

Big fan of being completely honest really. I would text him canceling the date and reminding him that you work together so he needs to behave himself

"I’m cancelling our plans for tomorrow and ending our relationship. I’ve been made aware that we aren't on the same page regarding commitment. Given we are colleagues, I’d like to keep things strictly professional and civil moving forward. Take care."

yes, 4 and a half months ago. That’s when we became exclusive (or were meant to be!)

I’m tempted to do this and not give him any closure.

Yes I was hesitant to date someone from work incase there was any future awkwardness. I don’t think I’ll do it again after this.

Don’t waste your time
Just drop him a line saying you know he’s still on hinge and engaging actively and so it’s over

and then block

no need to create drama

It's not about you or him. It's about doing it in a way which minimises disruption at work. So the @LittleJustice message appears to kill both birds with one stone. And then block. Assuming, you don't need to be able to contact each other for work.

Take your friend along on your date and see if he recognises her!

Don't do this, it's just drama.

Tell him you've found out he's still active on Hinge so you are ending things.

Then focus on yourself. Lucky escape and take that friend for a drink!

Oh god no. Just childish and dramatic.

Just end it now via messaging. Job done

Send him the messages, and say in view of this I can't make it tomorrow (or ever).

I understand you're feeling annoyed and let down but after 4 months, look at it as a lucky escape. Just message him saying you've been made aware that he's still active on Hinge so the relationship is over. If you have to see him at work, just be cool and polite. Don't give him the satisfaction of showing him that he's bothered you.

What a shit.

Will you still see him at work? If so then I think you need to end it directly rather than just ghosting. You don't need to go to the date to do it (unless you want to do it gave to face). A message is fine, then block.

I would tell him why but you much prefer to keep him guessing. Also telling him would prime him to be even more sly about covering his tracks in future.

How many times has your seen him in person? If you’re honest with yourself

I would do this - upfront and straightforward. No silly games, no 'matching' with him on Hinge. Don't give him any more of your time and attention. Just move on.

Yes, I think this is a non-dramatic and factual response. After that just don't communicate with him anymore.

Another vote for sending him a screenshot of the message or telling him he’s been caught being active on hinge and then saying “clearly we are done, let’s just be professional”

Just be honest, your friend saw he's still active on Hinge so you're ending things with him.
No need for anything more.

If you met him through work and are likely to have to work with/ around him in future then I'd actually just be firm and direct to save any drama down the line. I'd message him with a screenshot and say that you found out he's been messaging your friend on hinge. This is not something you tolerate in your relationships so you won't be continuing the relationship further and will only be in touch in a professional capacity in future. Then leave it at that and block him on your personal phone unless it will affect your work.

Then you keep it cool but professional if you see him in work settings.

OP if you’ve been sexually active with this man I hope you used protection, either way I’d suggest you get an STD test.

I personally wouldn’t send a screenshot, but I’d tell him that you know he’s active on hinge, and you don’t want to see him again.