How should I end it after finding his Hinge profile active?

[Vanillallatte10]

We haven’t been together for long - 4 and a half months. I had no suspicions at all. He has been really caring and attentive - planning thoughtful dates, consistent, and (I thought) genuine. We met IRL at work (don’t work together often, once in a blue moon)

He doesn’t know I know yet.

A friend of mine (who he has not met, but who knows what he looks like) sent me a screenshot of his Hinge profile - he had sent her a ‘like’. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that it could be an old ‘like’ - so asked her to match him to see if his page was still active.

Lo and behold, he messages her almost instantly chatting her up.

I’m gutted but also relieved that I have found this out so early - as he must just be that sort of man. I haven’t yet said anything to him, I wanted to remain composed and not fly off the handle in an undignified manner.

Any ideas of how to end things? We have a date planned for tomorrow evening, confirmed the time/place yesterday afternoon shortly before I found out about the cheating.

Message him, if you ghost him he's going to think you're a dick. Tell him you know then block him. Don't create any extra drama. Give him no reasons to create any extra drama. Onwards and upwards, like you said better you know now. How boring, why do that lie!

Please let us know if he comes back with an excuse after The Binning. Waste of human skin!

Am afraid to say I doubt he would care about closure. He doesn't care enough about you to stop looking for further dates.
Sorry it worked out this way but way better now than years down the line. Sending hugs.

This.

You could just say to him " I'm aware you're still active on hinge so I don't want see you any more". And move on. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Any updates OP?

they've been together for 4 months. Stop blaming OP for this pig's actions.

This happened to me. I didn’t tell him I knew about it , I just finished with him because he was disappointing in bed.

This is perfect.

There is going to be some professional overlap, so being honest, brief and decisive is absolutely the way forward.

Hope all goes well, OP.

Did you actually tell him the reason was he was disappointing in bed? 🤣

I would tell him that you are dumping him because you’re not sexually compatible. That’ll give him something to think about.

It’s frightening how many men on dating apps are like this. If I got the impression a man is just chatting endlessly with no date invite i was quick to cut him off as it was giving “not single, just here to boost my ego and fill my time up”

But to think that there are men out there who will actually do the whole dating thing and move at a reasonable pace and still be on dating apps after you’re supposedly in a monogamous relationship with them sucks.

It’s so hard to tell really.

I implied it tactfully.

There’s a thread on here currently that asks what people find baffling about something others do. This is it for me. This is it.

Why on earth would two dating people need to actually say it out loud that when they are investing time, money, emotions and energy into the other, they are not wanting to be the bit on the side. Baffling.

Dont tell him you know, why would you thats gives him the upper hand. He doesnt care hes a cheat, better he thinks you find him 'lacking'.
"Hey, this isnt working for me, not really feeling it. Lets call it day. Catch you later."

I'd say just block, delete. No explanation.

Will drive him crazy. Besides, is he even worth another conversation?

Oh crap! Youre colleagues.
Hmm
Still block and delete. Shame him into coming for an explanation. Any awkwardness is his fault.

Perfect 👌

Get your friend to turn up for your date with him instead of you & see how long it takes him to work it out

I dont think he would be bothered and will miss the point. Id either get your friend to set up a date and you turn up. Or send him the screenshot of his profile and dont even block him, blue tick him, don't respond. And delete.

You deserve better.

I would say “my friend showed me the messages you sent her on hinge” - he needs to know women do share this info (and it’s the truth)…

alternatively you could get revenge by having a chat about him being crap in bed and saying you can’t continue living a lie faking orgasms etc. 🤣

If he's the type to carry on swiping after months of a relationship, I really don't think he'll be bothered by the confrontation of the evidence of him doing so.

He clearly can't care much.

He'll just be more careful next time.

I honestly think giving no explanation or just simply "this doesn't work for me" is best. He clearly thinks he's in control and can do whatever he wants. Make it clear he isn't and he can't. Give no explanation, and leave him to ruminate

Sorry I don’t think this is working for me but I’m sure you’ll find that special someone…

Send your friend instead. But watch from around the corner for his reaction😂

That.