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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Neighbour is obsessed with me

76 replies

Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 13:42

Looking for advice please, I'm in my 40's and autistic.

I moved here 4 months ago and the neighbour kept asking me to be his wife (hmm I know). I said only friends, and we started going out for the occasional meal and shopping together. Although we haven't been intimate he keeps asking for kisses, which I felt pressured into doing.

He says he loves me and has never had a relationship like this, and I'm special etc. I know this is a red flag and it's definitely put me off him.

Now I am getting frustrated because he expects to see me every day, and comes round every day. If I don't he bombards me with text messages, calls and knocking on my door. He has a camera directed to my house and I have to drive past his to come in and out the street.

He insists that I need his help for everything, the garden, cooking, etc and if I try to use it as a reason not to see him, he just invites himself. Says that I need help and he's protecting me.

Yesterday I decided I'd had enough and said I need some time alone. He texted me all day long, saying he can't sleep because he hasn't seen me. Today has been the same, lots of texts and knocking on my door. I don't know what to do, I feel so uncomfortable.

OP posts:
IHate · 10/04/2026 13:44

Tell him to leave you alone. Not ‘I need some time alone’, say ‘I am not interested in you and I no longer want to see or speak to you, leave me alone.’

If he doesn’t, go to the police.

SpeedwellBlue · 10/04/2026 13:46

Nightmare. He's stalking you. I'd stop all contact with him. If he continues maybe log it with police as these obsessions can turn nasty when the object of them stops contact.

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 13:59

This is insane, OP, and you've contributed to it by being spineless and unboundaried. Tell him once and for all that you don't want to see him socially again and to leave you alone and stop attempting to communicate with you, so that there is a written record of you doing so. And then involve the police if he persists.

And have some serious therapy for going along with any of this. You sound incredibly gullible and vulnerable.

Bunnybackinherwarren · 10/04/2026 14:01

Block him and most definitely report to the police.
When I had recently moved I made a friend (female). Her bf began to make my life awkward.. He once posed as dd's df and tried to get her from nursery..
I moved soon after when he smashed up my bf's car.
Don't underestimate the unhinged ime.

ChickenBananaBanana · 10/04/2026 14:03

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 13:59

This is insane, OP, and you've contributed to it by being spineless and unboundaried. Tell him once and for all that you don't want to see him socially again and to leave you alone and stop attempting to communicate with you, so that there is a written record of you doing so. And then involve the police if he persists.

And have some serious therapy for going along with any of this. You sound incredibly gullible and vulnerable.

Yeah you didn't help this situation by going along with kissing him etc, you need some help with boundaries

Thatwaskindoffun · 10/04/2026 14:04

I don’t know how to ask this politely but do you live in some sort of supported living?

I ask as you and your neighbour don’t seem to understand boundaries at all and what’s appropriate. If you do you need to report to someone there and if you don’t cut contact with the neighbour completely no worrying about being nice or hurting feelings or how he perceives you. Tell him to completely leave you alone, no contact and if he doesn’t then you contact the police this is not normal.

AgentPidge · 10/04/2026 14:15

He doesn't love you - he's pushing you to and hassling you. I agree that you need to be clear about ending the "friendship", because he doesn't sound as if he's someone you can be casual friends with. I also agree with the others about logging it with the police.

Once you've told him not to contact you again, can you stay with a friend for a few days? Or have someone stay with you? For moral support, in case he does try to contact you.

I once had a problem with an ex-boyfriend. I got a very large male friend to have a word with him, and had no trouble after that. But perhaps Women's Aid or some other professionals could advise you. In your shoes, I'd be giving them a ring.

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 14:20

AgentPidge · 10/04/2026 14:15

He doesn't love you - he's pushing you to and hassling you. I agree that you need to be clear about ending the "friendship", because he doesn't sound as if he's someone you can be casual friends with. I also agree with the others about logging it with the police.

Once you've told him not to contact you again, can you stay with a friend for a few days? Or have someone stay with you? For moral support, in case he does try to contact you.

I once had a problem with an ex-boyfriend. I got a very large male friend to have a word with him, and had no trouble after that. But perhaps Women's Aid or some other professionals could advise you. In your shoes, I'd be giving them a ring.

Or a warden, if this is a supported accommodation for adults with intellectual disabilities or other vulnerabilities or the like. I agree with @Thatwaskindoffun that this whole scenario, while still very disturbing, would make a lot more sense if this was the case.

ohwtf · 10/04/2026 14:22

I'd move to be honest. If it's an option, do that. He's probably not going to leave you alone. You really need to go to the police.

Ohhhwell · 10/04/2026 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 14:24

@UnderHousemaid I'm not spineless, I just have trouble telling people no. Not only am I autistic but I was in a very abusive and controlling relationship from the age of 15 to 39.

I suppose things have just escalated and I've let it go too far.

I'm not in supported living as they wouldn't accept me. But yes, I am a vulnerable lady and I'm very angry with myself about this whole scenario. I know I should've said I already have a partner and not spent any time with this man.

OP posts:
DPotter · 10/04/2026 14:27

It's important to know that some men take a woman behaving in a polite manner towards them as a 'come on' / 'I'm interested' from the woman. You are not giving mixed messages - they are seeing something that is not there. It's a difficult line to tread. You are totally right to trust your gut reaction towards him and this situation. You are not at fault, you have done nothing wrong. He is the one who is pushing your boundaries and that is unacceptable.

So may I suggest a couple of actions for you

  1. Text him - I no longer wish to see you on either a romantic or social basis.  Do not text, phone, visit or attmept to contact me in anyway. If you do I will contact the police.
  2. Text to him - Move your camera so it does not overlook my property - car, house, front door, gate. Do not film me, take photos of me. Again failure to do this will result in my contacting the police
  3. Look into whether there is a local women's support group for whose who have been stalked - because yes - he is stalking you.
  4. Contact the police to make them aware of the situation. Hopefully they can advise you on local support

This is a scary situation and you are totally right to feel what you feel. Please pull in support from family, friends, local groups, especially women's groups, and the police.

DPotter · 10/04/2026 14:27

I have no idea what the black text block is in my last message - weird

AgentPidge · 10/04/2026 14:28

DPotter · 10/04/2026 14:27

I have no idea what the black text block is in my last message - weird

It's really good advice though.

Friendlygingercat · 10/04/2026 14:28

Do you have any male friends or acquaintances? The bigger the better. Send them round to scare the shits out of him. I did this (included 6 ff 4 ins biker in leather gear with skulls and studs) and my neighbours never spoke to me or knocked on my door again.

AmberSpy · 10/04/2026 14:32

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 13:59

This is insane, OP, and you've contributed to it by being spineless and unboundaried. Tell him once and for all that you don't want to see him socially again and to leave you alone and stop attempting to communicate with you, so that there is a written record of you doing so. And then involve the police if he persists.

And have some serious therapy for going along with any of this. You sound incredibly gullible and vulnerable.

Jesus, way to victim blame.

DramaAlpaca · 10/04/2026 14:32

It looks like you are having trouble setting boundaries.

It's OK in this situation to be very direct and firm with this person and tell him you don't want any more contact with him.

Don't worry about causing him offence; you haven't done anything wrong.

Talk to the police if he persists.

ThePoshUns · 10/04/2026 14:33

Do you have a social worker or support worker that can assist you in reporting this male to police?
If you are able to tell him
you no longer want any contact with him and if he continues you will contact the police.
Or are you in a housing association home? They will be able to help if you contact them.

FeetupTvon · 10/04/2026 14:33

Please inform the police. 101.
These situations can escalate quickly.

Devilsmommy · 10/04/2026 14:34

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 13:59

This is insane, OP, and you've contributed to it by being spineless and unboundaried. Tell him once and for all that you don't want to see him socially again and to leave you alone and stop attempting to communicate with you, so that there is a written record of you doing so. And then involve the police if he persists.

And have some serious therapy for going along with any of this. You sound incredibly gullible and vulnerable.

Bloody hell she's autistic. It's not about being spineless. God this is a shitty post. OP call the police. Harassment and stalking. He's trying to control you because he knows you're vulnerable

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 14:36

Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 14:24

@UnderHousemaid I'm not spineless, I just have trouble telling people no. Not only am I autistic but I was in a very abusive and controlling relationship from the age of 15 to 39.

I suppose things have just escalated and I've let it go too far.

I'm not in supported living as they wouldn't accept me. But yes, I am a vulnerable lady and I'm very angry with myself about this whole scenario. I know I should've said I already have a partner and not spent any time with this man.

OK, that makes some things a bit clearer. Don't be angry with yourself now -- act to make the fact that you no longer want any contact at all with this man clear, and then you will have time and leisure to think about how to ensure it never happens again. I get that for some people saying 'No' to what someone else wants is a difficult and uncomfortable experience. I was brought up never to say 'no' to anyone, especially a man, that people only liked shy, whispery, smiley girls who agreed with them.

But look at what happens when you don't say 'No'.

Who do you have around you to help you end this? It sounds as if you need support.

Happyapplesanspears · 10/04/2026 14:40

You have to send a very direct message

I’m not interested in being your friend and will not spend anytime with you. Do not contact me again.

nochance17 · 10/04/2026 14:42

He has crossed a line from being friendly and is now harassing you . You need to report him to the police and tell them about his camera pointing at your house. If you are in social housing report him to the landlord. Tell him not to contact you, text you or come to your door. If he continues tell the police, he only has to contact you twice after this for it to be considered as Harrassment. You need to do some work on setting boundaries and how to put yourself first. He is trying to take advantage of your vulnerability. As you have Autism not sure if your GP would help with counselling/ therapy. Some excellent therapists on YouTube if you can’t afford to pay.

StormGazing · 10/04/2026 14:43

Just call 101 to log this, it’s really important so that they’re aware.
id do what DPottwr says above too, sensible advice.
remember, he’s making you feel very uncomfortable, he has no right to you, your feelings, your photographs or entry into your life. Make sure you put up that boundary and don’t let it down. He’s clearly obsessed, but that’s not a reason to make you feel weird.
can you get a Ring style doorbell and some cctv cameras, I think they’re pretty cheap these days. Also could he have keys/taken any key imprints? If so I’d be changing my locks and getting some extra locks on front and back doors for when you’re home or asleep .. just in case of course, but it’ll make you feel safer. I think the police would have all sorts of support about the above so perhaps ask them for good advice

ChewbaccasMrs · 10/04/2026 14:45

Send him 1 final message. Tell him your not interested in any kind of relationship with him at all,tell him you do not need his help and if he doesn't leave you alone you will report him to the Police for harassment.

And to stick to it,keep a copy of the message you send him and keep a copy of all of the messages he's sent you previously and then block him on everything!

If he turns up at your house do not answer the door,tell him to go away and that you want nothing to do with him if he won't leave ring the Police and report him!

Don't let him make you feel guilty,do not let down your guard. He has no right to your time,your company or friendship.