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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Neighbour is obsessed with me

76 replies

Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 13:42

Looking for advice please, I'm in my 40's and autistic.

I moved here 4 months ago and the neighbour kept asking me to be his wife (hmm I know). I said only friends, and we started going out for the occasional meal and shopping together. Although we haven't been intimate he keeps asking for kisses, which I felt pressured into doing.

He says he loves me and has never had a relationship like this, and I'm special etc. I know this is a red flag and it's definitely put me off him.

Now I am getting frustrated because he expects to see me every day, and comes round every day. If I don't he bombards me with text messages, calls and knocking on my door. He has a camera directed to my house and I have to drive past his to come in and out the street.

He insists that I need his help for everything, the garden, cooking, etc and if I try to use it as a reason not to see him, he just invites himself. Says that I need help and he's protecting me.

Yesterday I decided I'd had enough and said I need some time alone. He texted me all day long, saying he can't sleep because he hasn't seen me. Today has been the same, lots of texts and knocking on my door. I don't know what to do, I feel so uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Prawnkonjac · 10/04/2026 15:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PinkiOcelot · 10/04/2026 15:53

Do a moonlight flit.

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 15:57

How late into his sixties op? Is he knocking on 70?

S0j0urn4r · 10/04/2026 15:57

You need some real life support with this. Tell your family.

user1464187087 · 10/04/2026 15:57

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 14:36

OK, that makes some things a bit clearer. Don't be angry with yourself now -- act to make the fact that you no longer want any contact at all with this man clear, and then you will have time and leisure to think about how to ensure it never happens again. I get that for some people saying 'No' to what someone else wants is a difficult and uncomfortable experience. I was brought up never to say 'no' to anyone, especially a man, that people only liked shy, whispery, smiley girls who agreed with them.

But look at what happens when you don't say 'No'.

Who do you have around you to help you end this? It sounds as if you need support.

Show quote history

You went on a proper victim blaming rant.
Maybe think before you type eh?

Original poster
Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 15:59

I'll tell my mum, but I doubt she can help, she refuses to believe I have autism.

I wish I could just move away but I have nowhere else to go and have spent all my money moving here 4 months ago.

I will definitely contact my landlord, possibly the police. There is a camera coming on Monday.

Thank you everyone so far for the advice. I am feeling stronger now I'm sure it's not my fault.

OP posts:
UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 16:02

Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 15:59

I'll tell my mum, but I doubt she can help, she refuses to believe I have autism.

I wish I could just move away but I have nowhere else to go and have spent all my money moving here 4 months ago.

I will definitely contact my landlord, possibly the police. There is a camera coming on Monday.

Thank you everyone so far for the advice. I am feeling stronger now I'm sure it's not my fault.

What about another family member -- do you have siblings? It's absolutely not your fault, but you should now be extremely, and unapologetically clear that you want no further contact with him at all, in person or on the phone, and, after you send that message, block him. And call the police if he comes to your door.

BillieWiper · 10/04/2026 16:04

Tell him 'I'm not your girlfriend and I don't want to be friends anymore. Your persistent behaviour is alarming and I will contact the police if you don't leave me alone.' then block on everything.

If he tries even the smallest contact after that do go to the police. Do you have any friends of family nearby? Or nice trustworthy female neighbour you know well enough to talk to?

dentalflosser · 10/04/2026 16:17

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 15:46

Then maybe direct your comments to helping her, rather than taking issue with other people's comments.

Show quote history

The OP will read my comment anyway????

Perhaps you should take more time thinking of what you write rather than calling someone who has asked for help “spineless”…

wherearethesnacks · 10/04/2026 16:20

Definitely tell you mum, OP. It doesn't matter for this problem if she believes you have autism or not. Plenty of women experience this kind of man and need a hand getting rid of them.

Loulou4022 · 10/04/2026 16:36

Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 15:31

@Prawnkonjac I'm not working at the moment and he is retired.

His response to stop contacting me is, 'I love you, come round for a cuppa'.

I've been in tears several times over him crossing boundaries.

Do not further respond to his message to come round for a cuppa even to say no as you are still responding to him. Can you block his
number now?

NettleTea · 10/04/2026 16:41

Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 15:47

He is in his 60's and doesn't have any disabilities concerning the brain or intellect. I can't tell my family because I've been lying to them saying that he's harmless.

Well you could say he has changed. That he WAS harmless, but now you have told him that you dont want him inviting himself round and crossing your boundaries (both physically and em,otionally) he has become not so harmless and you are scared.

OriginalUsername2 · 10/04/2026 16:42

Anonforfriday · 10/04/2026 15:47

He is in his 60's and doesn't have any disabilities concerning the brain or intellect. I can't tell my family because I've been lying to them saying that he's harmless.

You can. Tell them you they were right and you need their help. There’s no shame in this.

Reassurancells · 10/04/2026 16:44

Sweetheart ring the police.

Happyjoe · 10/04/2026 16:53

Don't be hard on yourself. Honestly, it's ok. Learn by it. Time to set boundaries. Tell him you no longer want to see him. Tell him not to come around as you won't answer the door. No more contact.

Then if he carries on, please get in touch with the police. He may be one of the pushy ones who don't take no for an answer straight away and you may need a little back up. It may be worth keeping a log of all attempts at contact after, in case need for the police.

Not much can be done about the camera unless you can prove it invades your privacy sadly (it is not allowed to see inside your home for example) but having one yourself is a very good idea.

Be safe OP, everything crossed he goes away and yes, please tell your family.

AgentJohnson · 10/04/2026 17:02

Firstly, you have not done anything wrong! You won’t be the first or last woman, autistic or not, to be guilted and pressured into situations with entitled men. This man is harassing you and that isn’t ok.

Tell him you do not want to have any contact with him and if he tries to contact you, will contact the Police. No more chances or excuses, it ends now.

I would also get ahead of the game and contact the police for advice, ask for a female officer.

I am sorry this is happening to you but again, you have done nothing wrong.

XMissPlacedX · 10/04/2026 17:23

Be careful handling this op, have you got a ring doorbell? If not I would get one as you may find this escalates if he doesn’t back off.

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 17:29

dentalflosser · 10/04/2026 16:17

The OP will read my comment anyway????

Perhaps you should take more time thinking of what you write rather than calling someone who has asked for help “spineless”…

Show quote history

I've been engaging directly with the OP and her updates and offering advice on next steps, safety, talking to family, ways to phrase her final text before she blocks him etc throughout the thread. What have you offered in terms of advice or help?

Blueeyedmale · 10/04/2026 17:38

The worrying part for me is when you said "I felt pressured into doing it" and sadly he seems to be persistent because he can sense your vulnerability this is never ok this is harrasment, and is clearly making you feel uncomfortable he really does sound quite unhinged and needy I would be seeking some legal advice and possibly considering an injunction this behaviour is not ok.

Onlyfornow · 10/04/2026 18:40

This is not your fault but it is time to set boundaries and inform the police (via 101) of the situation so far. He is imposing on you and taking advantage of your vulnerability. Be polite but firm. You owe him nothing. You are entitled to choose what kind of relationship you have with everyone you meet. Good luck.

dentalflosser · 10/04/2026 19:17

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 15:39

Oh hang on, you went for that poster then went to the other extreme. This is a retired man who occasionally uses a wheel chair and declared she should be his wife on first meeting, it is hugely likely he also has some form of disability, so to go all nuclear about him turning stalker is too much too soon.

Show quote history

I’m not the only person who has mentioned the word “stalker” if you have read the whole thread.
I don’t see what the man’s mobility has got to do with this? You too are making generalisations. It’s definitely Friday….

wishfulthinking25 · 10/04/2026 19:20

Tell him to fuck off or call the police, it’s pretty obvious. Unless you’re loving the attention in which case, I’m not sure what to suggest

dentalflosser · 10/04/2026 19:22

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 17:29

I've been engaging directly with the OP and her updates and offering advice on next steps, safety, talking to family, ways to phrase her final text before she blocks him etc throughout the thread. What have you offered in terms of advice or help?

Show quote history

Perhaps I’ve enabled the OP to not feel this is all her fault by calling her “spineless” “gullible” and needing “therapy”…disabling words used by you.
You could have not used any of those words and given advice rather than now be trying to back pedal. If anyone uses words like that around my son, I defend him as he finds them hurtful.
It’s just simply being more aware of terminology and how vulnerable people may perceive themselves. Not rocket science dear!

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/04/2026 19:26

Block him right now.

rockpaperscissors9 · 10/04/2026 19:36

OP, call the police and ask for advice. Ask if they can send someone to see you, maybe if he sees a police car outside he may think twice about persisting.
Like PP have said, text to say that you’d like to be left alone. I wouldn’t block his No because I’d want to be able to see what he texts back. If he continues to harass you, call the police again, and show them the messages.
Speak to your family, tell them that you need their help as it’s now too much. He needs to see you have back up, family friends and even the police. Maybe the police would even speak to him to inform him of the law around harassment and stalking.

Does your landlord ow his house too, if so perhaps he could help.