Neighbour is obsessed with me

[Anonforfriday]

Looking for advice please, I'm in my 40's and autistic.

I moved here 4 months ago and the neighbour kept asking me to be his wife (hmm I know). I said only friends, and we started going out for the occasional meal and shopping together. Although we haven't been intimate he keeps asking for kisses, which I felt pressured into doing.

He says he loves me and has never had a relationship like this, and I'm special etc. I know this is a red flag and it's definitely put me off him.

Now I am getting frustrated because he expects to see me every day, and comes round every day. If I don't he bombards me with text messages, calls and knocking on my door. He has a camera directed to my house and I have to drive past his to come in and out the street.

He insists that I need his help for everything, the garden, cooking, etc and if I try to use it as a reason not to see him, he just invites himself. Says that I need help and he's protecting me.

Yesterday I decided I'd had enough and said I need some time alone. He texted me all day long, saying he can't sleep because he hasn't seen me. Today has been the same, lots of texts and knocking on my door. I don't know what to do, I feel so uncomfortable.

Did that horrible victim blaming and name calling make you feel better about yourself or some deficiency in your own life? Do you really think it was necessary to further upset a vulnerable woman in a vulnerable situation? Have a word with yourself.

OP - you are NOT to blame. You are clearly vulnerable and men like this seek out and exploit vulnerability. It’s really good that you have reached the stage where you realise that his behaviour is unacceptable. And it IS unacceptable.

You have done the right thing in telling him to leave you alone. If he keeps messaging you or coming round and knocking on your door, you might want to send one final, extremely clear, message saying something like:

“I have told you I don’t want a relationship with you. You have already tried to push past my boundaries on that. I am now telling you that I do not want you to call me, message me, or come to my house again. You are scaring me now, and have been for a while. If you try to contact me again, I will call the police because this is harassment. Please leave me alone.”

And then, if he calls or messages or comes to your house, call the police. Tell them that your neighbour is harassing you and stalking you and you feel unsafe and scared and need their help.

I do think it would be good if you could tell some people in real life what is happening. You can always say it started off as harmless and then he kept pushing things if you are worried how your mum will react. But it would be good if he saw people coming to and from your home, and realises that you are not all alone and that there are people in your life. It might make him back off.

Best of luck.