Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does being the family black sheep ever improve or resolve?

32 replies

Blacksheepsdsd · 07/04/2026 01:17

I think I am the black sheep of the family. Does it ever resolve? Is there anyway to move past this or is this it forever?

At this current point I have been trying to be mature. Be the bigger person. Reach out and stay calm and rational. I think that actually angers them more. They want me to be the one who breaks down, lashes out, behaves irrationally. And because I am not they are getting angrier and angrier. They cannot process or accept it is them in the wrong.

I am not perfect. I have done a few petty things - like not sending a Mother’s Day text. But honestly I don’t think they deserve that after everything they have done the last year. They have hurt me and I don’t think they are behaving like parents.

I have just had a barrage of abuse for best part of 3 hours after I called to say Hi. Which culminated in them wanting to come visit in two weeks because it’s me who is depriving them of their grandchildren.

It’s so fucking confusing. I don’t know what to do about them and I am seriously questioning their sanity.

It’s a lost cause isn’t it?

OP posts:
Waterdust · 07/04/2026 17:09

It dose improve dramatically, when you go no contact.

itsonlyafuckingbiscuit · 07/04/2026 17:10

It will improve 100% for certain when you go no contact with them.

mikado1 · 07/04/2026 18:41

Not sure if this will be helpful but when I did my psychology degree, I remember it being said that the black sheep has taken on what the rest of the family have repressed.
This makes a lot of sense when I think of the BS that I now and the families can't believe they have the temerity to say or do certain things or live their lives a certain way, that they would not be able to do. You are probably the freest one, but you won't be able to please them and nor should you.

Original poster
Blacksheepsdsd · 07/04/2026 20:05

mikado1 · 07/04/2026 18:41

Not sure if this will be helpful but when I did my psychology degree, I remember it being said that the black sheep has taken on what the rest of the family have repressed.
This makes a lot of sense when I think of the BS that I now and the families can't believe they have the temerity to say or do certain things or live their lives a certain way, that they would not be able to do. You are probably the freest one, but you won't be able to please them and nor should you.

That does make sense I think. I just read about that and some things I resonate with. Others I think no, I was the one who went along with it. I honestly think I am just an easy target for their dysfunction and now that I am older and have seen them do it to an innocent third party it’s just like no. COMPLETE bullshit. Literally. And by standing up and saying that they just couldn’t and can’t take it.

OP posts:
PineConeOrDogPoo · 07/04/2026 21:00

Blacksheepsdsd · 07/04/2026 10:52

Because they started making comments about my partner again. So I said no that’s not true. And then it just went on and on and I wanted to hear what they thought and also try to challenge some of it to try to get them to see sense. It then escalated into them attacking me again.

Show quote history

There is a red button on phones for a reason

Ihatebeingpoor · 07/04/2026 23:27

Fellow black sheep here.

It's painful not having that solid family unit you want/need.

The world can be a lonely place without it.

As painful as it is, NC has been the only way I have found peace in life although, my peace is about to be broken again due to the death of the one family member that didn't treat me badly.

I've now lost the only person left on this planet that's known 'me' from day one. We hadn't spoken in years through no choice of our own and it sucks. What sucks more is not being able to attend the funeral as I can't stomach seeing the rest of them again.

I'd much rather miss the funeral than face them any day though. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am today and I won't let anything take that from me.

sashh · 08/04/2026 06:58

ForTipsyFinch · 07/04/2026 05:40

It never did in my case. I could cure cancer and facilitate world peace and the response would be ‘well you went about that wrong and took too long to do it’. I don’t have any contact with my family though as they’re deeply unpleasant and abusive.

In my case it would be, "Oh OK, now your brother...."

New posts on this thread. Refresh page