Ex partner has new partner

Everbetternow · 2026-04-04T07:32:20+00:00

I’m F with an 8 year old. Ex partner has recently got together with a new GF and they are all going away together with her 2 kids too. ex promises nothing will change no marriage, other kids or moving in together. I’m really struggling with it all, I panic I get sad, I get angry and struggle with this change me and ex had a turbulent relationship at times but did genuinely love each other. We depend on each other for childcare etc as no family close by. I’ve sorted myself out financially, with my health and job house etc so not dependent that way with him. how have other single mums dealt with these situations? I need some words of wisdom

GlovedhandsCecilia · 04/04/2026 08:33

I wouldnt bank on promises that he will never escalate his relationship with someone else. That's a silly thing to promise you.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/04/2026 08:39

Did you ask him to promise this? I agree I wouldn’t bet on it (and no reason why he should, tbh)

Best advice is to concentrate on your own life.

ValidPistachio · 04/04/2026 08:40

What is the issue? Jealousy?

WerewolfOfLoudon · 04/04/2026 08:44

Perhaps you need some therapy @Everbetternow. He is your ex and if not this girlfriend, he is likely to cohabit/marry and have more children.

Other than his promises/responsibility to his child he doesn't owe you control over his life. Just like he has no control over you when you have a relationship.

Pineapplewaves · 04/04/2026 08:47

He is allowed to have a new relationship, as are you. Neither of you need to make any promises about what will or will not happen in your future relationships. You need to accept that he has moved on and move on yourself. Unless it affects your shared children, neither of you have to right to comment on each others lives.

Original poster

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:48

He said he just wants it to be him and our son, he doesn’t want to commit to anyone like marriage etc
he’s a bit of a loner really, but yes I shouldn’t bank on his promise he’s said- I didn’t make him promise, he’s stated numerous times he doesn’t want those things.

OP posts:

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/04/2026 08:50

Well he’s got a new GF and they’re all going away as a family, so I wouldn’t really say it shouts out loner who wants to just be on his own with his son.

Not that he should be having to explain himself to you. Both of you are free to move on, that’s what a split is.

Wildgoat · 04/04/2026 08:51

Why is it important to you he doesn’t live with someone or marry them. I think you know relationships develop and he is just trying to placate you. You can’t expect him to not be in a serious relationship.

so you need to examine your feelings round this. Are you still in love with him? Are you jealous? What’s causing it?

TheThingOnTheIce · 04/04/2026 08:51

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:48

He said he just wants it to be him and our son, he doesn’t want to commit to anyone like marriage etc
he’s a bit of a loner really, but yes I shouldn’t bank on his promise he’s said- I didn’t make him promise, he’s stated numerous times he doesn’t want those things.

Edited

My ex said that . Said he’d never date again if we split up . He was dating within months and married his new wife less than 2 years after meeting her. If he’s a decent person it shouldn’t hinder his childcare / maintenance obligations but that’s a risk we all run in these situations. I ended up having to pay a fortune in childcare fees but I’d have rather done that than rely on my flakey ex for anything

ValidPistachio · 04/04/2026 08:52

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:48

He said he just wants it to be him and our son, he doesn’t want to commit to anyone like marriage etc
he’s a bit of a loner really, but yes I shouldn’t bank on his promise he’s said- I didn’t make him promise, he’s stated numerous times he doesn’t want those things.

Edited

It's fine that he's expressed this preference, although it sounds like he's changed his mind. But you have no right to expect him to behave in a particular way, or to stay single forever.

GlovedhandsCecilia · 04/04/2026 08:52

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:48

He said he just wants it to be him and our son, he doesn’t want to commit to anyone like marriage etc
he’s a bit of a loner really, but yes I shouldn’t bank on his promise he’s said- I didn’t make him promise, he’s stated numerous times he doesn’t want those things.

Edited

He probably doesnt now soon after he split with you but that will change. He won't stay alone forever. Don't bank on him staying single.

Wildgoat · 04/04/2026 08:52

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:48

He said he just wants it to be him and our son, he doesn’t want to commit to anyone like marriage etc
he’s a bit of a loner really, but yes I shouldn’t bank on his promise he’s said- I didn’t make him promise, he’s stated numerous times he doesn’t want those things.

Edited

But what is there to bank on, why’s it so important to you?

hes going away on holiday as a blended family so it is clear he is escalating the relationship. Which is his right, hes single/

PoppinjayPolly · 04/04/2026 08:54

GlovedhandsCecilia · 04/04/2026 08:33

I wouldnt bank on promises that he will never escalate his relationship with someone else. That's a silly thing to promise you.

Absolutely ex promises nothing will change
no marriage, other kids or moving in together.. Ever? For either of you?

Original poster

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:58

You are all right. He’s flaky at the best of times. I know all the answers you’ve all given deep down are absolutely correct.
it’s the fact he says these things then does the opposite it’s so confusing.
he’s not playing happy families but really is.
I guess I’ll have to keep working on myself don’t listen to the noise in my head about it

OP posts:

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/04/2026 09:00

The thing, the fact he’s flaky is irrelevant. It’s just not actually anything to do with you. He doesn’t have to tell you anything, he has no obligation to you at all now you’ve split.

Surely you want to move on yourself?

MayaPinion · 04/04/2026 09:03

In every likelihood he will move in with someone, will marry again and will possibly have more kids, and that’s all completely normal and reasonable. You can’t expect time to stand still at the time your relationship finished. You can’t manage or control other people’s lives and you can’t expect him to live in the past, and nor should you want him to.

You should probably seek therapy to help you come to terms with the past, and help you build a new one where you are accepting of the fact that he will move on.

GlovedhandsCecilia · 04/04/2026 09:05

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:58

You are all right. He’s flaky at the best of times. I know all the answers you’ve all given deep down are absolutely correct.
it’s the fact he says these things then does the opposite it’s so confusing.
he’s not playing happy families but really is.
I guess I’ll have to keep working on myself don’t listen to the noise in my head about it

The other thing is that he might need to placate you with these promises because you won't stop fixating on your concerns or he fears (rightly or wrongly) without these promises, you will make life hard for him and your child.

xOlive · 04/04/2026 09:05

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:58

You are all right. He’s flaky at the best of times. I know all the answers you’ve all given deep down are absolutely correct.
it’s the fact he says these things then does the opposite it’s so confusing.
he’s not playing happy families but really is.
I guess I’ll have to keep working on myself don’t listen to the noise in my head about it

Why is your ex making promises to you when he has a new partner?
As long as he does right be his child, the rest of his life has nothing to do with you anymore and you need to let that go. He owes you nothing and vice versa.
He can move in with her, marry her, have more children with her and it still has nothing to do with you. As long as he does right by his child.
I have an 8 year-old with my ex and what he does with his girlfriend is absolutely none of my business.

cloudtreecarpet · 04/04/2026 09:18

My exH did the same, said he would never live with anyone again, just wanted to be free, have space, be on his own etc etc. But very soon found a new gf who he lives with & has been with for years now.

I think it feels odd because when he says those things to you it feels like it's because you meant so much to him & then when he does them it feels like you didn't.
But the reality is that none of it is about you & what you once had. It's a generalisation of course, but men do seem to struggle to be single so quickly find new partners.

His promises to you could also come from feelings of guilt that he has moved on quickly and he thinks it's what you want to hear. Or he's convincing himself it's just casual.

Whatever the reason, stop listening to it, ignore what he says and concentrate on your own life because that's what you can control. Xx

UpDownAllAround1 · 04/04/2026 09:27

You can only control you.

SeekOIt · 04/04/2026 09:59

He'll move on with someone and possibly more kids. My ex of 12 years broke up with me when our LO was a newborn, days later (or an overlap) got with another woman and 12 months later, she was pregnant. This was all after he promised to prioritise our baby over anyone else.

Most men will prioritise their dicks.

OneShyQuail · 04/04/2026 10:05

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:48

He said he just wants it to be him and our son, he doesn’t want to commit to anyone like marriage etc
he’s a bit of a loner really, but yes I shouldn’t bank on his promise he’s said- I didn’t make him promise, he’s stated numerous times he doesn’t want those things.

Edited

He is just telling you what you want to hear.

You need to move on. You haven't yet despite telling yourself that. Get yourself to a place where you dont care what hes doing or who hes with. Focus on yourself and your son. Its cliche but time is a great healer you just have to work on detaching yourself.

Brightbluesomething · 04/04/2026 10:21

UpDownAllAround1 · 04/04/2026 09:27

You can only control you.

This. Why are you asking your ex to make promises to you? You can’t control any of this and he’s clearly trying to smooth things over as you’re still fixated on him. This is down to you. He will have other relationships and your DS is his responsibility when he’s not with you. Take a huge step back as you’ve created most of this drama yourself with your unrealistic expectations of someone you’re not with anymore.

Onadark · 04/04/2026 10:32

Agree with other PPs. He's just saying what you want to hear.

And he's definately not a loner who just wants to be with his son if all of them are going on a family type holiday soon thats the opposite of a loner.

Kindly, it's time for you to move on. Have you got lots of nice things planned with your mates for this Easter Weekend?

Wildgoat · 04/04/2026 10:38

Everbetternow · 04/04/2026 08:58

You are all right. He’s flaky at the best of times. I know all the answers you’ve all given deep down are absolutely correct.
it’s the fact he says these things then does the opposite it’s so confusing.
he’s not playing happy families but really is.
I guess I’ll have to keep working on myself don’t listen to the noise in my head about it

You’re not answering why it’s important to you. Are you finding it difficult to admit to yourself? Do you want him back?you’re jealous?

yes, he’s already playing happy families. They are on a blended family holiday together. Thays a major step.

So why are these conversations even coming up, in part it feels unfair to him, he’s a single man, he’s allowed to have relationships and someone significant in his life and to progress that relationship. It’s none of your business his relationship status, all you need to know is when it impacts the kids, and same for back.