Ex partner has new partner

[Everbetternow]

I’m F with an 8 year old. Ex partner has recently got together with a new GF and they are all going away together with her 2 kids too.
ex promises nothing will change
no marriage, other kids or moving in together. I’m really struggling with it all, I panic I get sad, I get angry and struggle with this change
me and ex had a turbulent relationship at times but did genuinely love each other. We depend on each other for childcare etc as no family close by. I’ve sorted myself out financially, with my health and job house etc so not dependent that way with him.
how have other single mums dealt with these situations? I need some words of wisdom

Are you still in love with him?

Maybe some counselling would help? I just felt sorry for the poor cow XH married after we split.

From the other perspective as a partner of a man who had a ex that wouldnt let go, its not a good way to be! for example even though we are living together, she still expected them to do things for their kids together as a family like party's and presents without me and he went to tell me that he had to do these things, I told him to cut the apron strings once and for all and say no! that we would be celebrating at ours! she had the biggest tantrum not the best look, she also used to post old family pictures up off them and tag him while we were first together. Dont be that woman, that still thinks hes your territory, as long as him and his new partner are good to your kids, leave it be and move on.

Yes, well it's easy to say that.

Kick him to the curb and move on.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne It’s easy to say that??
Do you think it’s ok to behave like that?
It certainly isn’t, trying to promote you’re still a family when he lives with a new partner is odd, very odd.

I am sorry it is tough . Not always , but men generally are able to detach themselves quicker emotionally and move on .

You are at different stages of the break up and it is perfectly normal to feel upset when your ex is moving on . Especially where this is playing happy families with a new girlfriend and her kids .

It is difficult to think of your DC with them too , but I think you have to accept that it is better for her to have lots of people in her life who will hopefully love and care for her / have fun times with .

You have done so well with your finances etc and unfortunately in some ways this now is the more difficult part .
Whilst it is great , you have had a good co- parenting relationship to date , you need to look at what parts are actually uncomfortable / painful for you now . You have to put some emotional distance between you and your ex now to protect yourself . This will enable you to be the best mum you can be for your daughter .

Cliched but true , you cannot change the situation here - but only your reaction to it . It may help you to try and source some counselling for you , if you haven’t already done so . If you are with a large employer they may have an employee assistance programme you can access .

Above all don’t beat yourself up and be kind to yourself . Relationship break - ups are tough and do take a long time to get over , especially when the relationship was a long one , with DC .
Reach out for support from friends / family if you can .

Look at how you can do things for you when your DC is at their dad’s . That might mean reaching out to old friends where friendships may have lapsed . People have busy lives so may not have time but it is worth a shot .
Take care xxx

When he leaves you for another woman, let's see how you feel towards her.

But OP’s ex didn’t leave her for another woman. What’s a totally different scenario got to do with this thread?

It's not that simple though.
If you want to co-parent well & bring up a happy, well balanced child then some aspects of still being a family with an ex are necessary. It's just a different type of family.

Some women get very insecure if their partner has anything to with an ex but the reality is if you have a child with someone you are going to remain linked.

Two parents still spending the odd occasion together isn't a bad thing, it's actually good for a child to see their parents can still get on.
Better that than warring parents, angry new partners and general drama.

Oh he will do whatever it takes to placate the new squeeze.
If she wants a child with him he will go straight ahead.
He will become a dad to her existing DCs as this will make life easier for him.
The vast majority of men do whatever it takes to keep their sex life alive. Other DCs are just a consequence of this.
The number of men and women who keep reproducing with multiple partners is staggering. It rarely works out in the best interests of the existing DCs, but hey ho, ad long as their parents are happy.

If he has a new relationship, you have no control over it or whether he moves in with her or has another child. You are exes. It sounds as though you’re placing way more significance on him in your life than you should do.

I get on with my ex. I am single and she lives with the woman she left me for. We share childcare 50/50 and often help each other out. Nevertheless, I don’t get involved in how she conducts her relationship and wouldn’t dream of trying to influence that. She’s my co-parent, not my partner. I might not always agree with what she does, but that doesn’t give me any say over it. People who try to exercise that sort of influence, in my experience, generally end up in unpleasantly hostile situations either with their ex, the new partner, or both. None of which is conducive to a positive co-parenting relationship for the benefit of the child.

Unless your ex partner's behaviour impacts your shared child, then you have no say in his life. He may not have wanted a serious committed relationship, but he's allowed to change his mind. If he's going on holiday with his girlfriend, her children and your shared child, then his relationship has progressed.

You need to take those conversations that your ex had with you, regarding future relationships, with a pinch of salt.

This
I have inherited grandchildren that I treat the same as my biological ones, no differentiation