So much negativity

[FlowerPowerHour]

I want to start dating again so I posted on a group asking for recommendations on which apps to use and omg so much negativity! Literally trying to put me off! Why so much negativity? I understand lots of women have been hurt but that doesn’t mean all men are trash. Why do women try to put others off? 🤔 has anyone else noticed this?

Probably because dating apps are known for being a bit dodgy and not the best for sourcing LTRs? It’s common knowledge about scammers / cat fishes / time wasters / pervs etc 😂 And you’re asking in an online forum of women who probably have experience of all of the above!

And lots and lots of people have found success on dating apps if they are so negative is it any wonder they’ve not had any success

You will get many women on here telling you the men are losers on sites like that. I always say is that the same for the women then as well? The stories I've heard about some women. There are hookers on there too. It's a mix of genuine people and others - the same as in any real life situation. You just need to have firm boundaries. I know numerous couples of all ages who have met online.

I’m mid 40s and had a great time on the apps meeting lovely fun men, and more recently it’s reconnected me to someone very special to me from 20 years ago and it’s been amazing.
There are plenty of normal people on there, it’s not just weirdos. You just have to be brutal with the swiping

Don’t forget we always hear the negative stories on here about everything in life. Whereas most people I know met their partners on the apps

Rather than considering that women actually may be onto something (given the sea of negativity on the same topic), the subtext behind your post seems to suggest that women are doing this to lower the competition in some way? But you haven't come right out and said it and have just left a little '🤔' emoji instead. Reminds me a lot of women who are convinced that everyone that doesn't like them is jealous of them.

Use your coconut for a second. Think about the business model these apps operate on. They have no financial incentive to match the right people to their most suitable partner. If they did that for everyone, they would quickly lose a lot of their supply base because people would happily couple up and never got back on there. Instead, they are incentivised to match you with someone that's around 50-70% your match, which is good enough for short term flings or maybe a year or two, but won't be as good longterm. Great for them, not so good for the people who use them.

I urge you to find out for yourself.

That’s a really dated (no pun intended) view. They’re just part and parcel of modern dating now. I know loads of couples in LTRs who met on dating apps, including two who are already married and two who got engaged last year.

Of course you can meet awful people online. You can also meet awful people in the pub.

It’s not just about apps, they seem to be negative about dating full stop whether apps or otherwise, they didn’t say get out and meet someone irl it was literally dont meet anyone and stay alone forever and yes call me cynical but part of me does wonder why because I bet for a fact they aren’t doing that themselves! They have obviously been using the apps a lot to know how “awful” they are

Exactly, it’s the most common way to meet someone now

You can do this without paying.

Yeah it’s projection and wanting others to be miserable like them. You see it on threads where people say LTB for a every little thing.

Yes, they met their partners on the apps years ago. OLD post-Covid is not the same, a lot of bad behaviours (from both sexes) have developed on it.

The negative stories are from current experiences.

Thats what I think, whilst I don’t think it’s because they want all the men to themselves like another poster suggested 😂 i definitely think it’s a case of misery loves company

I really don’t think it’s that misery loves company, it’s just that you asked for advice, you were given it and you didn’t like it.

Many, many women I know in their 40s and 50s have completely sworn off dating, and instead are investing time in themselves, their families and friends and they are so much happier and more peaceful for it. I’m coming up to that age bracket and I am definitely leaning in this direction as well. Men are just not worth the effort imo, and I have met and dated many of them 😅

There is not a single LTR that I know in real life that I would envy or want for myself. They all seem outwardly happy, but are miserable or frustrated in one way or another. But the single women in their 40s and 50s I know, are positively glowing… travelling the world, redecorating their homes, have far more active social lives, crushing it at work… the list goes on. There’s no comparison and if I had to choose who I would want to be when I grow up, it’s definitely those women, and not any of the ones in relationships as they have all settled or over compromised at their own expense for a sub par man who brings very little to their lives.

However, some people definitely need to be in a relationship to feel ‘whole’, I get that… just don’t cast aside the advice you’ve been given because it doesn’t suit you. The dating world is positively grim and depressing these days and women need to be extremely careful.

Paying for a subscription or not does not matter. Your eyeballs = revenue for these companies. The more active users they have, free or otherwise, means the more they can charge for their advertising, and this is where they make their money. This poster is correct in saying these companies are not driven by finding you a suitable partner, they are driven by maintaining active users.

Did I ask for advice on whether I should date or not though? I asked for what apps people recommend not to be told none and stay alone forever. Im in my 30s I’d say most women in their 30s do want a partner so that’s nothing unusual

No it’s in recent years, women of all ages but mainly friends and family in the 40s/50s bracket, post divorce/long relationship

And it’s quite rude to assume I need someone to feel “whole” I’ve been single for 10 years! I’ve spent many years alone, now I’d like to meet someone and thats ok too! Dont assume I jump into relationships after relationships I’ve spent a decade on my own with zero men or sex or anything. Not many women my age can say that.

This is a very one sided comment which is your own personal experience but there is no need to slag off other women in the process. To paint all single women in this way is far from the truth as are your comments about women in relationships. Why do this?
It would be like me saying " oh all the single women say there's no point in making an effort, I have no one to holiday with, I have to rely on my daughter to go to things with - I feel so sorry for them." That's patently not true - it's only the life of one person. It's making a generalisation and it's not nice. No one needs to justify their choices.

And I didn’t mean ‘feeling whole’ as anything derogatory. Yes, many women (and men) want a relationship to feel whole. You’ve said yourself you want to find a relationship, which means you feel like there’s some gap that you would like to fill? There’s nothing wrong with that, I completely understand that and didn’t say anything negative about it?

Of course it’s my own personal experience… who else’s experience can I speak to? And where did I slag off other women?

Well I would like a sex life again and dont do casual so yes I’d need to find a man for that!

Well my advice, along with many others apparently, is to avoid the apps completely. They’re a cesspool and cause more frustration and messing around than they’re worth. It sounds cliche, but have you tried to meet people in real life, join hobbies, community groups etc.?

I don’t want to join a hobby group to meet a man tbh. Thats probably the last place I would want to meet someone.

Why so?