So much negativity

[FlowerPowerHour]

I want to start dating again so I posted on a group asking for recommendations on which apps to use and omg so much negativity! Literally trying to put me off! Why so much negativity? I understand lots of women have been hurt but that doesn’t mean all men are trash. Why do women try to put others off? 🤔 has anyone else noticed this?

You're here complaining about the women who complain about online dating so you're contributing to the negativity you're complaining about. The only difference is the subject.

So what do you want?

Well that’s my ‘search strategy’ now… I’m not searching anymore! Have been so disheartened from the absolute crap with dating apps so I’m just getting out there more and maybe then I’ll meet a decent, likeminded person… and if I don’t, I’m having great fun making new friends and cultivating new interests, so it’s a win either way.

Have had those FWB as well where they’ve grown to expect exclusivity and/or a relationship, which I made very clear from the outset wasn’t happening. Other FWB who started out great, then got lazy and would arrive having not showered, tired/hungover, grew lazy and selfish in bed, one guy even landed to my house for a prearranged session with his dinner in hand, telling me he’d just cook his dinner, we could have a chat and then we’d ’get to it’… erm, no thanks, that’s not the arrangement, take your pizza and yourself out of my house please 😅

Well everyone moans now and again but actively trying to put people off is just strange

@FlowerPowerHour- I’m older than you (52) but I met my partner on Bumble last year (only went on 2 dates). I did pay for a subscription mind you which lots of people don’t seem to do. He’s solvent, enjoys the same things I do (walks, sports, theatre, travel) and is a great cook. He’s also very emotionally intelligent and shows up daily in actions and words. Hopefully an antidote to some comments you’ve experienced.

As for negativity, I have friends who have done OLD for a number of years and struggled to meet anyone but also a colleague who met someone OLD and they have been together for 3 years.

I did, but not for that purpose really. They were all between the ages of 65 - 80. Not a single person under that age, except for me.

That you were slagging women in relationships off in your original post.

Ugh this is how I imagine these kinds of groups to be tbh, or full of men that have had no luck OLD (for a reason) so are trying these groups instead.

Not necessarily! What about things like Hyrox, Chamber of Comm, town clean up groups, committees for specific events/festivals? There’s plenty of groups that won’t have a 65+ demographic. I joined a tree planting group recently 😅 and honestly, it’s a great way to spend a few hours outdoors, and so far there’s been lots of lovely people my age, and a few handsome men in my age bracket too. Early days yet but we’ll see what happens. Just don’t rule things like that out, I wouldn’t put all your eggs in the OLD basket.

Have you tried online dating before OP?

No not yet, I tried with no picture just to see whats out there as my sister suggested it but that’s as far as I’ve got so far. I don’t meet men irl so I need to be proactive as mr right is not going to knock on my door.

I am in my early thirties and hate the apps, so do the majority of my single friends. I enjoy being single though, appreciate not everyone does.

How long have you been single?

Well I think if you’re gonna go for it, then go the whole hog… put effort into your profile and pictures, look up The Burned Haystack method, meet any potentials face to face as soon as your comfortable, you don’t want to spend weeks chatting to someone only to find there’s zero chemistry, and above all have a really thick skin and try not be hurt.

And it doesn’t really matter which app you choose, it’s pretty much all the same people on all of them 😅

Come back and tell us a positive OLD story please!

I will give them a go and see how I get on! Worth a try

Have you looked at what "Meet Up" offers in your area @FlowerPowerHour?

No I wouldn’t want to go alone to any group things and I’d have no one to go with

Don't you think that might be a first step before meeting up with a stranger one to one you don't know?

no? that’s how everyone meets online? one to one?

would obviously meet in a public place like restaurant etc

I've never used the dating apps myself (I've been happily married since before they were popularised, thank god) but with all the horror stories I've heard from friends, it seems like a nightmare. At least 3 out of 5 experiences they have seem to be outright bad, and they rarely lead to long term, happy relationships.

So I imagine the many women who have had bad experiences with dating apps are just trying to warn their fellow women.

OP, there's a Dating thread on here so it's worth having a look to read about the experiences of others and to get some good advice too. The dating 'rules' at the beginning of the thread are worth noting too. Good luck!

So where are all the adverts on Bumble, Hinge etc?

You've contradicted yourself by saying that they're making money on free accounts when you're now saying that they're limiting them.

Basically they're not making money on free accounts, and need people to pay.

See whereas I’ve met men irl and they’ve turned out to be complete losers, it really isn’t exclusive to OLD. But as im getting older im fining it much harder to meet men irl and they don’t approach me the way they use to

That's a very good point - I met plenty of losers or creeps in real life too! 😅 I suppose either way, it's just a case of picking carefully and weeding out the weirdos.

Yes - my answer was in response to what you said about Meet Up. Maybe I misinterpreted what you said? I took it as you would not have the confidence to go to a group event?

No, not contradicting myself at all, I just don’t think you have great knowledge on how SaaS business models work.

With Bumble, Hinge etc they have plenty of their own in app adverts… send roses, spotlighting profiles and other such shite. Their aim through limiting the functionality of their apps on the free tier, is to keep you just unsatisfied enough that you feel paying for a subscription or microtransaction seem like a solution. This limitation also works to keep users on the site as they’re not empowered by the apps to find suitable partners.

There are other revenue streams they receive outside of in app advertising, which they can only secure due to the large numbers of active users. Again, this is the reason these apps do not want you to find someone, they want to keep you on the app. Netflix and Bumble for example had a partnership where they ran games for users around shows like Stranger Things, Emily in Paris etc.

Spotify have also partnered with a number of dating apps to allow users to spotlight their music on their profile. Spotify pay for this due to the exposure to a large number of active users.

Long story short, no dating app wants to find you a partner… they want to keep you as a user because you, your eyeballs, you data and online activity are all part of their product.