Well I’ve finally done it

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I’ve told husband not to come back after dropping his daughter off at her mum’s tonight. For anyone who has seen my previous threads they’ll understand. He is currently promising he’ll change etc but I just feel numb. He’s saying if he stays away tonight he won’t be back and I do feel ok about it. Then he accused me of throwing his daughter out on the streets.

I just feel so numb

I remember yourr threads and you have 100% done the right thing.

Hold strong.

Really.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Get yourself a takeaway OP, next chapter starts here x

OP, I’ve read some of your previous threads.
You have been through a lot you have a lot on.
You have enough on looking after your own DC, who you clearly adore, you are a few years sober which is a great achievement.
This daughter isn’t homeless - she has two homes, and the one she is in right now is where she can stay.
The things he has put you through….
He is an abuser.
The ‘person’ you fell for was an act to reel you in and reel you in he did.
But he’s not coming back.
So you should keep him out..

You have done the hard bit but bailing out this awful relationship. So 1st thing you do is congratulate yourself and plan the life you want for you and your kids. Look forward never back.

He deceived you in the beginning of your relationship by acting like he was a loving decent man but slowly and surely the mask slipped away to reveal the abusive twat he really is. So you are missing the man he pretended to be and not who he really is.

Congratulations OP x

I’m struggling this morning as I feel like I have my rose tinted glasses on and am just remembering the good times, of which there have been plenty. But I have to keep telling myself that this sadness will only last temporarily whereas staying in a toxic marriage will make me sad far longer.

If there hadnt been good times, you wouldn't have stayed so long in the relationship. You're sad at what might have been rather than the reality of it. Well done for getting rid of him. Whenever you are tempted to contact him, read the summary of the relationship here first.
If you don't have any of his stuff at your house, block and delete him everywhere. If you do have any of his stuff, pack it up and message him with a time when he can collect it. Be sure to have someone with you when he turns up for support. Tell him if he doesn't pick it up at that time, it will be put outside. He may try to wheedle his way back in. Good luck

Your poor kids.

Why do you say that? If it’s because of the past then surely it’s a good thing I’ve asked him to leave. And I need support for that not putting me down because of past events.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered google cycle of abuse those " good times" were specifically to keep ypu in the cycle longer.

as another poster suggested, it is a shame that the kids have been in the middle of all this crap with you and him, but thats in the past. you're moving forward and doing the sensible thing. that’s great.

dont cave. yes there were good times. but both of you are not a good fit together. you need different things. hes messed you around too much. if he wants to stay together it’s just stability he craves not you persay. So dont listen. hes using you. Get him gone.

Yes it will be sad for a good while. You will worry about the future, finances, the kids etc and if youll “be alone forever at my age” etc etc, many of us have been there….and come out the other side better, stronger, happier and healthier.

talking of which congrats on stopping boozing. you might feel you never need it again now youre main problem is gone. but if you do need a crutch at this time of change get down to an AA meeting immediately for emotional support. Do not risk a drink. It’s not worth it. Youre doing so well.

You can do this. Go for it.

You’re doing that wee girl a favour if he now is forced to square himself up before he can see her again. She’s safer with her mum. Nice guys don’t treat people like shit op, not even for 5% of the time. He’s a dick and you all deserve better so hold your nerve.

The problem is you dont yet understand that the angry man is the real him and the man that loved you was the illusion.

You owe your children more than you owe his child.

You have to put them first and you have done that by making him leave. Yes it is hard for you but that doesnt mean its not the right thing to do.

Everytime he tries to manipulate you, think of your children and that will give you strength.

For goodness sake OP dont let him back in. Crack open the champagne.
I wouldnt have a cross dressing control freak anywhere near my kids. He sounds seriously weird. What exactly do you miss about him? I dont get it?

I have read at least two of your previous threads. He is a toxic manipulator and your life will be so much better without him. 💐

Well done
Change his name in your phone to " abuser" then if you are tempted to contact him it will check you.

None of them are 100% abuser all the time otherwise they would be alone
Ha actually chose to be nasty then chose to be nice because it gets you hooked on the dopamine rush when hes nice to you, literally manipulated to stay in the relationship
Its called a trauma bond

It will be hard but you can get through this difficult time when you are reacting to the lack of dopamine and this tempts you to take him back

Phone off, keep busy , be kind to yourself, snacks and think of the future and your freedom
Stay strong and on this thread
You can do it

You are scared of change and you keep thinking better the devil you know but your life will only get better without him so hang in there! You feel alone and afraid right now but that is perfectly normal my lovely. Hang in there

Well it took a bit longer. He came back yesterday for some clothes and I foolishly let him in. He convinced me he finally understood the problems and he apologised to my kids for being an arsehole to them. We went out for the day and admittedly had a good day. He made lots of promises and I agreed to try.

i woke up this morning feeling like I’d made a huge mistake. He’s working away at the moment and I’ve just sent him a long message saying I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been crying for 2 hours now and I feel horrible. Such a shitty way to do this to him but if I spoke to him I know he’d get round me again.

You're doing the right thing. Please don't give in again.

Thank you. I desperately need a hand hold because I feel absolutely devastated right now.

I know that this is difficult for you, but please stay strong. He's obviously relying on your good nature.

Do this for your children as well as yourself.

I have to tell the kids they’re not going on holiday next week. On top of my youngest asking me not to split up which really threw me.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered

I think I remember a couple of your threads. At any rate you have done the right thing. And give your youngest some time to adjust. Change is scary for kids.

But listen, when any relationship ends there is always a bit of sadness and emptiness. This can happen even in the worst of relationships. It's the death of of the dream. We always have the dream of what our life will be like. And when that dream is taken away it makes us sad and also gives us an empty space that needs to be filled.

It will be better as time passes. You just have to ride it out and stay strong. Soon you'll begin to fill the empty space with a better dream.

Read your recap.... I remember that post. I'm so glad you got the courage to kick him out. Please think of how happier your kids are without the constant criticism and walking on eggshells and that'll help when you feel like caving