Sick to death of being alone every Saturday night

[Ghlp]

Long term boyfriend spends every Saturday night in the pub. I would like to see him the odd Saturday!

So does he come round to yours a couple of nights a week. Stays over. Has sex. Pops off home?

If so, that’s pretty non committal after 2 years. It hasn’t really moved past the dating stage. Except there are no dates.

If this is the type of relationship you both want, then great. But it clearly suits him more than you. Actions are important, not words.

After 2 years I wouldn't be happy about the only time together at the weekend being Friday night. I wouldn't be bothered about him going out every Saturday night with his friends as long as I had some more time with such as Saturday during the day or Sunday afternoon and evening etc.

Only Friday night wouldn't be enough for me and I'd feel like I was being used for sex. I like to do things with a partner such as going out for a day trip or brunch or something like that. I know you said he also comes round twice during the week in the evening, what do you do on those evenings? Netflix and chill?

I think for a relationship to have a future and a solid foundation you need to do things together and make time for each other and especially at weekends when you have more time and less stressed with work.

I think you have to decide if what he is offering is enough for you, not base your decision on people on here saying you see him on Friday evening so you do see him at the weekend or people like me saying it wouldn't be enough for me.
He isn't going to change. They never do. So you need to decide if you can live with it or not.

Thank you for answering

He's obviously married

Agree with this. I dated a man for a couple of years and due to work patterns, family commitments etc we could only see each other at weekends. So we made sure we made the most of those weekends together.
We used to got out to dinner, to the pub, shopping centres, parties, music events, theatre, weekends away etc. Its about making the time together work keeping it interesting.

It’s about quality when your time is limited imo.

What quality time is he giving you?

Have you told him how unhappy you are? You need to tell him that you're not feeling like his priority now and you're reconsidering things unless they change.

I have told him how unhappy I am. I need action though

He isn't going to change if you have already told him you are unhappy. So you have your answer really.

Also what do want to get out of this relationship? Is it with a view to getting married and having children? In which case it's a non-starter if he isn't prepared to change now because he won't when children are there either.
Or are marriage and no children not an issue and it's more about companionship and enjoying life with someone? Or is it about intimacy?

I was in a relationship with someone like this who never made time for me and although I enjoyed his companionship and sex it was a strain constantly having to ask or a bit more time together. And then there were so many empty promises and plans cancelled at the last minute - he wasted so much of my time.
I felt much better when I split with him because I was able to plan my week how I wanted and my self-esteem improved massively once I no longer had to feel like I was being rejected and unreasonable every time I asked for more time with him.

Then you have your answer 😔

Yes I suppose I do. I think he knows as it’s constant messages today

He needs to know how serious you are about this.

The problem is I want him to see me because he does not because I have pushed it

It's not because you have pushed it.

It's because he wants to be one of the lads down the pub on a Saturday evening. That is his priority, and he is now aggravated because you have pointed out that this sort of behaviour is unreasonable when you are supposed to be in a relationship.

Does he come round just for sex?

He doesn’t want to see you apart from those two nights a week. Men really aren’t that complicated- they really aren’t. If a man is really into you, you wouldn’t be on Mumsnet double guessing yourself. I know my partner is mad about me because he’s there, where I am (I can feel a Shakira song coming on). I never have to want to spend more time with him, never have to get fed up of being by myself at the weekend, never have to worry about what he’s doing - because he’s there, telling his terrible jokes, taking me on days out, talking about where we’ll go on holiday or what we’ll do for Christmas. We do go out separately a few times a month but mostly weekends are our time.

Throw this one back. It’s no way to live your life, waiting for a man who’d prefer to spend every weekend on the piss than spend it with you.

When two people are in a relationship OP they don’t sit in all the time.
They’re out doing things together enjoying one another’s company.
I know there will be nights in too obviously, but not mostly in & especially when you guys see each other twice a week .
You’re not happy so why continue to see him then .

The whole thing sounds like a recipe for disaster. In a normal relationship, you express your needs, the person either agrees to meet them or not. That's where it ends. What you are now going to do is try to punish him for not wanting to do it in the first place, aren't you?
The relationship is doomed and you two shouldn't be together.

He sounds like a fuck buddy rather than a boyfriend.

I think he thinks things are ok again!

Saturday nights are special, and there’s nothing worse than being a pub widow.
The bottom line is will he prioritise you now.
The proof will be in the pudding.
Good luck 💐

The fact you’ve had to have a conversation with him says it all really. He should want to see you not be pushed into it.

Are they?

No they are not ok at all. If he goes to the pub on Saturday after all this then it’s the end

This shouldn’t be based around one weekend. Even if he didn’t go this weekend you’d just be waiting until next weekend or the weekend after that for when he falls back into his routine.

You’ve been seeing each other for two years, have you not discussed how you’d like to progress the relationship and take it to the next level by potentially living together or spending more than two nights a week together or doing things like holidaying together.

Do you see family and friends together? Is he there for you emotionally or do you feel like you can’t lean on him in that way?

Think about what you want from a relationship and partner and ask yourself if you’ve been getting that or if you’ve just been putting up and shutting up so that you don’t lose him.

I’m putting up