Hello.
I was hoping for some non-biased advice on my current situation. I was with my ex-partner for just over two years. Within a few months of being together we moved in together, and not long after we relocated away from family and friends for his career. We rented a house together and I moved my job, so my life became largely centred around the relationship and the move.
Overall, the relationship felt loving and stable for a long time. We didn’t argue often, we enjoyed spending time together, and we made plans for the future. I trusted him and felt committed to building a life together.
One dynamic that developed over time but was also pretty present early on, was that much of the domestic responsibility fell to me. I worked full-time, but I was also doing most of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and general household organisation. My partner rarely contributed to those tasks. I didn’t initially mind doing more, particularly during periods when my work was quieter, but over time it became draining and sometimes felt like I had fallen into more of a caretaker role than an equal partnership. However he would pay for dates and dinners and things like that. I just genuinely wanted to make him happy and make his life peaceful.
Another recurring source of tension was his past. Before we met he had been single for quite some time and had slept with many women. I wouldn’t say he’d ever really had a serious relationship like ours. Whereas I had. Occasionally some of these women would message or follow me on social media, or stalk me. While I trusted him and he never gave me a direct reason to doubt him, it sometimes felt like his past life was bleeding into our present. When I raised this, he often became frustrated that I was bringing it up, which sometimes made it difficult to resolve those feelings properly. At the beginning he was more understanding but over time he didn’t understand why I was still bringing up the issues. However I didn’t understand why these girls were so bothered about me. It wasn’t so much of an insecurity issue. It was that some of the women he still had on his social media platforms, and I just wanted the past, to be the past. I never looked for issues. It was more so the women finding me and orbiting my space on socials.
Towards the end of the relationship I went through a period where I was emotionally struggling and more withdrawn than usual. At the time I didn’t fully understand what was happening with me emotionally. My partner found this difficult, and there were a few moments of tension during that period.
Not long after, he blew up one evening; said he needed some space and left for a few days. Then he told me he wanted to end the relationship. The breakup felt quite sudden to me because shortly beforehand we had still been spending time together and making plans. Life was pretty normal. Although I was a little up and down, and he was a bit snappy at times, I assumed it was normal relationship tension. We had other external pressures at the time so I just assumed it was a bit of a tough period for us, but we were still very much normal day to day.
Following the breakup he ended the tenancy on the house, which meant I had to leave the area, temporarily move in with family, and also leave my job. It was quite a significant disruption to my life and all happened within a couple of weeks.
We haven’t really spoken afterwards, only briefly and again he got angry. He was firm on his decision and made it out like I was a terrible moody partner and the relationship was too much and he was unhappy and wasn’t in love anymore. I wasn’t perfect, but we had way more good than bad.
I do still miss him. I’ve spent the last few months reflecting, going to therapy, and trying to understand the relationship dynamics and my own behaviour. I can see where things weren’t perfect, but I also remember how good the relationship was and the connection we had.
Part of me still wonders whether I should reach out to him, or whether it’s better to leave things as they are. He is quite a stubborn person, so I don’t know if he would ever reach out himself.
I’d really appreciate any outside perspective.