Partner lies about achievements and skills, unsure if relationship can work

[ThisCollie]

My partner and I have been together a year, both divorced, he has one adult child, I have two late teens.

I am a bit concerned about him. He lies stupendously to the point where I think "you must know I know you are lying?"

The lies aren't hiding anything it seems, more as though he wants me to be highly impressed by him. So he lies about his skills, things like he can speak fluent Japanese, he is a champion chess player, he is friends with some impressive famous people, he has a 160 IQ – all false.

I would rather he just told the truth – or rather just not lie about his skills?! It is not as though I ONLY date Japanese speaking chess players.

if ever I call him out, he retreats and hides away, which is sad to see. I also happen to know (of course, if it is true, who knows) that he had a very violent upbringing and he seems deep down to have very low self esteem, so I suppose this could be why.

Having said that he also seems very proud of himself...!

How do I deal with these lies, or is this a
game changer? I really like his personality, he is a real can do person and is so lovely to me. But this lying is strange to me.

Fwiw, he is definitely divorced – I have met his ex wife and her new partner.

He’s a fantasist. What used to be called a romancer. We had one at my last job. Had a poor upbringing (not her fault). I think they do it because they remember the shame they felt amongst their peers as a child.

What a freak. Take him to a Japanese restaurant and get him to order for you both 😂

I had a colleague who told us all she learned Portuguese in her gap yah in Mozambique. It was funny, because when I introduced her to my Portuguese partner and said she could speak Portuguese too, she didn’t know what I was talking about.

But why do it? They really do make up the bizarrest shit!

This ⬆️

Yes, and if you persist with this person, they will start lying to you, about you and completely scramble your brain. My husband lies to me about me and unfortunately he also lies about me, in front of me, to other people.

I'm desperate to leave but I'm terrified of many things, one of them being the lies he will tell about me when I do. I'm terrified he will lie to the police and cook up some tale about me domestically abusing him (which I absolutely haven't, it's the other way round) and I'll end up in prison. He can cry on demand too and uses this as a manipulation tool.

Definitely bin this one; lying is an indicator of much, much worse in terms of a serious personality disorder in my opinion and experience.

So Helen Marsh from The Catherine Tate Show is based on a real person?

Helen's Manager: "I need someone who can translate between seven different languages."

Helen: "Oh I can do that! Yeah, I did a TEFL in my gap year."

What happens when you laugh and say 'did you fuck!!'?

It was absolutely hilarious but I was really shocked. It was the last person you’d have expected. Just goes to show.

But.. why would you be attracted to this man or think that he is worthy of you?

(it's deal breaker btw.)