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Original poster

Should I move in with him?

87 replies

In2mindsss · 07/03/2026 18:01

I came out of a 13 year relationship. I'm 41. It was really tough going and at the end of it I temporarily moved in with my cousin while I figured out what to do next. To my surprise, I ended up meeting a man who is from and lives in a rural area at the opposite end of the country and... Well it was a massive eye opener as I suddenly found myself getting deeper with a man who is basically everything I ever wanted. He really makes me happy. We have met each other's families and have been doing LDR since we met eight months ago (here where I am, where his sister lives).

We both really want to move to a completely different part of the country, and its funny because we both had that same vision before we met. Hes suggesting that I move in with him now so we can plan for this together and just be together rather than continue long distance. Im not sure whether its all too soon though? On the other hand, as much as I love my cousin, I am starting to feel like I'd like to move on and am getting a bit frustrated.

Im a bit nervous about moving somewhere rural and Im wondering whether it is wiser for me to just sit tight and we then move permanently later down the line, or whether I should go ahead and move in with him as a "pre step".
Its a 50/50 split among my friends and family so I thought I would get some impartial advice :)

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 07/03/2026 18:03

Why not? Would it affect your job
Would you lose anything such as as a property or similar
8 months is not a long time

AgnesX · 07/03/2026 18:05

No, not yet. Eight months is too soon. You must have some reservations otherwise you wouldn't be asking?

DameOfThrones · 07/03/2026 18:05

When did you come out of your 13 year relationship?

Do you have children?

Sometimessmiling · 07/03/2026 18:05

In2mindsss · 07/03/2026 18:01

I came out of a 13 year relationship. I'm 41. It was really tough going and at the end of it I temporarily moved in with my cousin while I figured out what to do next. To my surprise, I ended up meeting a man who is from and lives in a rural area at the opposite end of the country and... Well it was a massive eye opener as I suddenly found myself getting deeper with a man who is basically everything I ever wanted. He really makes me happy. We have met each other's families and have been doing LDR since we met eight months ago (here where I am, where his sister lives).

We both really want to move to a completely different part of the country, and its funny because we both had that same vision before we met. Hes suggesting that I move in with him now so we can plan for this together and just be together rather than continue long distance. Im not sure whether its all too soon though? On the other hand, as much as I love my cousin, I am starting to feel like I'd like to move on and am getting a bit frustrated.

Im a bit nervous about moving somewhere rural and Im wondering whether it is wiser for me to just sit tight and we then move permanently later down the line, or whether I should go ahead and move in with him as a "pre step".
Its a 50/50 split among my friends and family so I thought I would get some impartial advice :)

Take a chance. If it feels good be happy

tarheelbaby · 07/03/2026 18:06

If you're in a position to move, why not move to the new area where you both want to live? You could establish yourself there with a job and start settling in. He could visit you there and work on transferring himself. Longer term, if it doesn't work out with him, at least you'll be living where you want to be and can keep going forward with your life.

I think if you move in with him now at his current place, you'll both end up bogged down in that and not ever move to the new, amazing place. And you could end up in a hole/dead end which delays moving to the new place.

DameOfThrones · 07/03/2026 18:06

And also, do you drive/own a car?

Ophir · 07/03/2026 18:06

Well, why not?! You’re at a point in your life that you can do this, I’d say go for it. You can always move back if it goes wrong, but maybe it’s fate 😊

OldJohn · 07/03/2026 18:09

I moved in with my girlfriend after about 6 months. We have now been married for 22 years.

blankcanvas3 · 07/03/2026 18:10

It’s either going to work or not work, whether you move in together now or in three years time. Just give it a go and see what happens! As long as you will be financially secure so you can move out quickly if he wants you to or you’re no longer safe then I can’t see a problem. DH and I moved in together after 6 months and we’ve been together nearly 20 years.

Original poster
In2mindsss · 07/03/2026 18:10

I only met him a month after I left my ex which is crazy but I guess sometimes life works that way. Tbh things had been pretty rough with my ex for a while, so its like I had grieved and processed the end of that relationship well before it actually ended if that makes sense.

I dont have a car, I dont have kids. My job allows me to go wherever.

I guess im slightly worried that we will both get stuck where he is, although rationally i know I could leave whenever I wanted. I also worry that its a lot of faffing around (aka move and then move again in a few months time having already moved to my cousins? 😅). Realistically thats just logistics though

OP posts:
Original poster
In2mindsss · 07/03/2026 18:12

Thanks for your replies!
Half my friends are saying "No, you stick to your original plan".
The other half are saying "We aren't getting any younger, give it a whirl".

OP posts:
Moneypennywise · 07/03/2026 18:14

It sounds quite risky - you’re moving away from your existing support network to a rural area where you presumably don’t know anyone apart from him.

Corriewasfunny · 07/03/2026 18:15

Noooooooo

Original poster
In2mindsss · 07/03/2026 18:16

Moneypennywise · 07/03/2026 18:14

It sounds quite risky - you’re moving away from your existing support network to a rural area where you presumably don’t know anyone apart from him.

Indeed, most of my trepidation is the rural aspect. If he lived somewhere urban this would be a no brainer.

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 07/03/2026 18:17

Is he love bombing you which is why it’s feeling so wonderful?

Silverbirchleaf · 07/03/2026 18:18

Also, you don’t have a car and you’re planning to move to a rural area. Crazzzy. You’ll be trapped.

Original poster
In2mindsss · 07/03/2026 18:18

No I dont feel love bombed at all.

OP posts:
DameOfThrones · 07/03/2026 18:19

No then is my honest reply.

You're in a LDR so moving in together is risky anyway and to add to it, you'll be in a rural area with no car?!

Ophir · 07/03/2026 18:19

I would add, learn to drive if you’re able to

DameOfThrones · 07/03/2026 18:23

Also, considering you have no home, is there a connection between that and diving into a relationship with this man 4 weeks after you left your 13 year relationship?

Do you see this as a romantic end to your housing problem?

If so, be very careful in case he doesn't turn out to be your knight in shining armour afterall.

Justmadesourkraut · 07/03/2026 18:25

Can you drive? I would set that as your boundary. You can move when you can drive/when you have a car. You need your independence - especially in a rural area. How he reacts/how supportive he is will tell you a lot . . .

PensionMention · 07/03/2026 18:27

I say a resounding no, keep on the back burner till you have dated at least a year and revisit. You write you have no car but can you drive because you do not want to be trapped in a rural area not driving always relying on someone else. My sister had to move after her husband died because it’s a good few fields before there is any kind of shop and she can’t drive. There is also your job, I assume you work at home, in the flush of a new relationship just a man can be enough in the first few months but then it’s just him and you and no one else. I adore my DH but it is unrealistic and also foolish to rely on one other human for everything. My Mother would have said stop acting like a giddy kipper to you.

CornishTiger · 07/03/2026 18:29

I’ll be honest. You’ve leaped straight into another relationship without any opportunity to grow as a person.

You have discussed with friends /family which is natural when making big decisions but how much influence do others have over you?

You say your job can be done anywhere. In that case. Have an extended stay away with him for a bit to see how much you really know each other.

user2848502016 · 07/03/2026 18:32

Do you have kids? What about your job?
if neither of those things are an issue I say why not, while keeping your eyes open for any issues that crop up.
Sometimes it does all click into place with someone and you “just know “

CountryGirlInTheCity · 07/03/2026 18:38

Can I ask how the conversation arose about you both wanting to move to this new area? Did he mention it first? Or did you tell him you want to live there and he said ‘Oh me too!’ Or..?

I would just want to be sure that I wasn’t being duped into thinking that we are very aligned on something like that when in fact he is just following your lead and pretending in order to make you think the bond is deeper than it actually is. I’m not saying that’s the case but that would be a thought process I would have to satisfy first.

Secondly, what to you stand to lose with this move and how easy would it be to reverse your decision if it didn’t go to plan?

I wouldn’t want to say whether you should or shouldn’t do it but I would want to have thought these things through as part of tha decision making process.

Good luck!