Should I move in with him?

[In2mindsss]

I came out of a 13 year relationship. I'm 41. It was really tough going and at the end of it I temporarily moved in with my cousin while I figured out what to do next. To my surprise, I ended up meeting a man who is from and lives in a rural area at the opposite end of the country and... Well it was a massive eye opener as I suddenly found myself getting deeper with a man who is basically everything I ever wanted. He really makes me happy. We have met each other's families and have been doing LDR since we met eight months ago (here where I am, where his sister lives).

We both really want to move to a completely different part of the country, and its funny because we both had that same vision before we met. Hes suggesting that I move in with him now so we can plan for this together and just be together rather than continue long distance. Im not sure whether its all too soon though? On the other hand, as much as I love my cousin, I am starting to feel like I'd like to move on and am getting a bit frustrated.

Im a bit nervous about moving somewhere rural and Im wondering whether it is wiser for me to just sit tight and we then move permanently later down the line, or whether I should go ahead and move in with him as a "pre step".
Its a 50/50 split among my friends and family so I thought I would get some impartial advice :)

Why are you worried about being rural? Sheep are not aggressive!!!!

So if you move you will be cut off from yoir support network, without any means to get around by yourself. You will be with him every day and dependent on him.

So he always had the same dream to move to the part of the country you’ve been dreaming of. How handy🤨

What is the longest stretch you’ve actually spent with him, given it’s a LDR?

I’d be wary, very wary. Do you even know this person that well, given it’s 8 months long LDR?

Cos she doesn't have a car.

OP, I think it's ill-advised to move to live in a new bloke's house in the sticks, when you'll be dependent on him for both home and transport.

@In2mindsss op how often have you or do you spend long periods of time together ?
How long are your holidays together ?
Have you both had even a tiny bit of time together in the sense of what home life would be like ?
It’s easy for him to say move in with you . Nothing changes for him .
I think you should keep to the plan of moving somewhere new together . Give it to at least the 24 month mark . If he doesn’t like that he can rent his place out and you could both try renting a place for 6 months in your area later in the year or next year to see how you both get on.

Domestic abuse is harder to navigate for women in rural communities. Less support available, everyone knows everyone and sometimes a culture of you made your bed. Less chance of running to the neighbours for help, more chance you'll be isolated and therefore easily controlled. Often limited options for making new support networks.

Moving to a rural area can be really challenging, especially if you're doing it with someone you don't know super well.

I think op having your own car and driving licence for me would be essential. That's your escape route right there should you ever want to use it..

I'd be wary too. And there's not enough info here to say either way. Where do you see each other at the moment? Do you stay at his? How far away is the 3rd place? Do you drive? Why does he live there, any ties? Renting or own?

Don't be the one making all the sacrifices. Definitely don't live rural with no transport.

Life should be an adventure and you’ve got nothing to lose.

Can you drive but just don’t have a car atm?

I live in a rural area. I wouldn't advise it unless you drive and have a car.

You said you feel that you’d like to move on from your cousin’s.
Did you have plans to get your own place and learn to drive?
Move to your dream area to live and let this new man follow you.

Were you vulnerable one month out of the relationship, OP?
Are you absolutely sure about him?

What happened to your last relationship? Why did it end? Be careful as without healing, many walk into back into the same relationship dynamic.

For me, I would not even consider moving rurally unless I was independently mobile, i.e being able to drive and having my own car.

Are you still with your cousin for financial reasons? Think hard about whether the idea of moving in with him is for housing reasons as well. Ideally, moving to your own place near him and having your own transport would be the best option for now.