Should I move in with him?

[In2mindsss]

I came out of a 13 year relationship. I'm 41. It was really tough going and at the end of it I temporarily moved in with my cousin while I figured out what to do next. To my surprise, I ended up meeting a man who is from and lives in a rural area at the opposite end of the country and... Well it was a massive eye opener as I suddenly found myself getting deeper with a man who is basically everything I ever wanted. He really makes me happy. We have met each other's families and have been doing LDR since we met eight months ago (here where I am, where his sister lives).

We both really want to move to a completely different part of the country, and its funny because we both had that same vision before we met. Hes suggesting that I move in with him now so we can plan for this together and just be together rather than continue long distance. Im not sure whether its all too soon though? On the other hand, as much as I love my cousin, I am starting to feel like I'd like to move on and am getting a bit frustrated.

Im a bit nervous about moving somewhere rural and Im wondering whether it is wiser for me to just sit tight and we then move permanently later down the line, or whether I should go ahead and move in with him as a "pre step".
Its a 50/50 split among my friends and family so I thought I would get some impartial advice :)

I wouldn’t move in with him just yet. Pushing the fact you’ve only known him for eight months aside, you’d be mad to move to a rural location if you can’t drive. You’d be so reliant on him.
Could you rent somewhere closer for now in a not quite so rural area so that you still have your independence?

If there's nothing stopping you from moving to this blokes random part of the country, there's really nothing stopping you from moving to your dream location. If it's your dream, then you really have to chase it. Take charge of your own future! If it really is a shared dream, then he'll come along too. If it's not, then you get your dream even if it's minus the man (and he'd have just held you back anyway). Good luck!

Trust your gut, OP, it's obviously prompted you to post on here.

You don't know him very well and it's LDR so you know him even less than you would do if you lived near one another.

Do you have a plan and good finances to leave quickly if it turns out to have been a bad idea? If not, absolutely don't do it.

I would just want to be sure that I wasn’t being duped into thinking that we are very aligned on something like that when in fact he is just following your lead and pretending in order to make you think the bond is deeper than it actually is. I’m not saying that’s the case but that would be a thought process I would have to satisfy first.

This happened to me and my ex husband. I thought he was genuine but it was just words.

He said he wanted to move to x place and I thought it was a shared dream. It wasn't. He had no intentions of moving anywhere. And I'd moved the length of the country to be with him and got stuck because I didn't have the resources to get away. He turned out to have lovebombed me with shared dreams, future faking I think it's called.

I'm very wary now, and look for what someone is actually doing to see what they want from life.

My partners just moved in with me, we’ve been together 7 months. Go for it!

Come back and tell us how you are getting on in a years time!

Everyone’s always so judgy and mean about people who move in with each other “quickly”. We’re fine thanks.

Really good advice!

Absolutely no way.

Moving to the other end of the country to live with a man who you've known on a Long Distance basis for only 8 months, who you met when a month out of a long term toxic relationship. it's a rural location, you know nobody else and you don't drive?

Nope. Bad idea. There are warning bells clanging all over this for me.

Move under your own steam to your dream location, and get a place of your own. Keep your independance.

PS no man is everything you've ever wanted, sorry to be a downer, but that thinking is what will get you in the shit with one again.

In life you have to take some risks and this doesn't seem like a massive one. You are a 41 year old adult with no strings and you're 8 months into a relationship with what seems like a stable adult with similar life views. This is very different to the usual shall I move in with him with the 'good dad' who it is quickly obvious from the next few sentences is anything but! Trust your gut.

Sorry, that wasn’t meant to be mean but you can’t possibly know each other well after seven months. I hope it does work out for you though.

This is a great suggestion, and will also flush out his commitment to you and your (shared?) dream

I think op, you stick to your original plan. If it was 100% right you wouldn't be on here questioning it. So your gut is telling you to hold fire for a reason.

I think what I would do is tell him you are really enjoying the relationship and really like him and are excited about where its going, but that you are also very aware that you've moved quickly from a very unhappy long relationship into this really lovely relationship and you need to take your time and make sure you're processing that properly.

I would then make plans to move to the location where you ultimately want to be and if its meant to be then he'll be able to move there himself eventually. And he can visit you and you'll know you're there for yourself rather than for a man.

Few little things I'm wondering about - who was the first person to bring up wanting to live in the new place him or you?

Could he afford moving to the new area by himself or does he actually need you to move in with him to contribute to bills to help expedite his plans?

How often do you actually see each other and for how long?

I think ldr over 8 months can feel extremely intense because you talk and open up a lot quicker, but it also means it's easier to hide the parts of yourself you don't want a partner to see. So I think you're right to move slowly. You don't owe him anything but you've been through a lot and I think you owe it to yourself to put your own needs first here. If he's a genuinely good guy with your best interests at heart then he should set what you're saying and understand where you're coming from even if he's disappointed.

You have no car.

That is a no right there. If you don't have a license, that's a hell no.

8 months is awfully fast to make a big move like that. Especially a month out of a long term bad relationship. I think moving so fast to a remote area is a big red flag myself.

I have lived in a rural area and honestly, if you're a city girl, eek.

Get your own place in a town near where you guys are talking about moving to if you decide to move.

You're making yourself awfully vulnerable with a guy you barely know.

Oh, that’s a good point. No, 10 minutes up the road.

You'd have to be insane to move to a rural area when you don't have a car.

You'd have to be insane to move in with someone without knowing what it would be like to live with them.

If your previous partner was abusive then I think you're moving far too fast.

100% you will just end up living where he lives.

Hell no!
8 months is short at the best of times but throw in;
-meeting one month after a long term relationship ended
-rural
-can't drive
-long distance, how much time have you actually spent together?
Why the rush?

Lmao no to either of those things. Why are you being so nosey for gods sake?

i think thats completely different to the OP's scenario.