Would You Just Block after this

[FirstDateRating]

I had a first date yesterday evening, which was a bank holiday where I live.

We had been chatting for about a week and he asked for a drink date. It was arranged for last Thursday, but he said last Monday that a work dinner came up and could we move to yesterday.

The place he selected in (small) city centre and is like a hipster food mall. Loads of different authentic ethnic foods places that prepared on site and then mass seating. It isn’t inconvenient for me, but it’s within walking distance of his place.

We met and he got the first drinks, (a half pint for him) and a non-alcoholic drink for me.
Then I said, oh do you want to order food? He said No, I don’t eat in the evenings, just go to the gym. So I ordered (and paid) for a shareable Meze plate and offered him at regular intervals, of which he ate zero.

The conversation was interesting enough but not flirty at all. We did end up chatting for three hours. He sent a nice message afterwards.

However, the not eating felt massively stingy to me, and I’m tempted to just block.
Do you think it’s an over reaction?

I suggest that you join the Burned Haystack Dating Method on Facebook before going on anymore dates with anyone, or read the book, by Jennie Young

Exactly!! I have a lot of work dinners that come up and I am expected to attend.

The man invited her for a drink and bought her a drink. He took her somewhere where if she wanted food she could get some, but was entirely optional. I often go for drinks at these food halls and don’t eat, it’s also nice that if people want to and others don’t it doesn’t feel weird like it would in a restaurant. I probably wouldn’t eat on a first date, but wouldn’t be offended if they wanted to, sounds like a pretty chilled place to go. I really don’t know what the poor guy has done wrong?!!

Do the poor guy a favour and block him. Lucky escape springs to mind..

Orrrrrr he ate at the works dinner because it was client facing and expected, to be a good business host. Even if he didn’t really want to, as it’s not his normal routine/what suits his digestion.

Yeah I’m definitely coming round to the “you are hard work” POV.

jesus h what an insane overreaction.

if he was going to the gym later he was probably planning on a run or something and would have got a stitch if he ate dinner beforehand. how on earth is it 'stingy' not to want to eat a meal if you are not hungry and do not want to!?

Missing the point but did he make half a pint last three hours?

If so I think the food hall place was so he could sit there with nothing and not feel as awkward as if he were in a pub, because it's not a sole business. As in, which of the traders would have said anything? It's a shared space.

What were you planning to have for dinner by the way, given it was a drinks date?

Can I just reply to these two messages. Because I do feel that the characterisation from them is unfair or inaccurate.

I included that he bought the first round of drinks not to keep score but to try to be scrupulously accurate as to whether I am being unfair. But also to show that I am not making big demands.

The same with the food. The description is so as to be fair to both parties. I wasn’t irked that he didn’t eat any of the food, I was trying to be generous by offering, and had ordered being sensitive to the fact that some people don’t like food which others could touch, and some don’t eat meat. I ate because I was hungry.

I have been asking myself what did irk me about the whole evening, and I think it was that it all felt super low effort from his side.
But to be scrupulously fair - the way the evening passed by I didn’t actually buy the second round so maybe he thinks I didn’t come up to scratch either!

But to be scrupulously fair - the way the evening passed by I didn’t actually buy the second round so maybe he thinks I didn’t come up to scratch either!

Or maybe he didn't even notice because he's not fixated on such things. He sent you a nice message. Why are you making this so much more complicated than it needs to be? A first date can be low effort and turns out it was right to be because you had a good chat for 3 hours but didn't actually fancy him, so how would expending more effort - or spending more money, or eating/drinking more - on either side have helped in any way at all? It wouldn't. Seems to me like the evening irked you because you're easily irked and looking for reasons to be so.

It should not be this hard OP.

Either you liked the guy enough to warrant a second 'get to know each other better' date or he did not push your buttons for whatever reason in which case a polite 'thanks but no thanks' message is fine and you move on. This hyper analytical 4D chess second guessing is just insane.

No worries! It’s just what stood out to me.

You don’t need to be scrupulously fair. You don’t even need to be right. It’s dating, not a debate or an exam. If you’re not feeling it, for any reason - however silly said reason may seem to anyone else, that’s fine. Don’t see him again.

What I don’t get is why your first instinct was to block him. There just doesn’t seem to have been anything to necessitate that.

One round for 3 hours?!

That was my thought as well

If someone invites me for a drink, I assume we’re having a drink

I also think it's pretty common to arrange to go out 'for a drink' and if all goes well end up eating together. Especially in a food mall.

I'd suggest a coffee shop if I knew I couldn't eat anything.
Mind you, I cannot imagine a future of rarelynever enjoying a meal together in the evening so that would be a no from me.

Maybe OP should have bought her round then instead of being bought a drink and then sitting back complaining he was stingy!

However, the not eating felt massively stingy to me

I'm not sure I'd see it as stingy if it is a genuine health thing he's on, but I would think it was terminally boring to be so rigid as to inflict it on a first date.

Sounds incompatible.

In what way do you think I might be hard work?

I don't think you sound hard work op. He sounds odd and inflexible to invite you to a food mall and then be surprised that you inferred he might eat something.

He sounds tedious. Unless he was too nervous to eat! That happens to me.

Can I just say, there is an awful lot of guesswork around details that is taken way too seriously. How many rounds per how many hours, this venue instead of that venue, did he eat client meal, was he too nervous to eat... heck, everyone.. Really? None of us know. One thing is for certain - nobody is being forced to go on further dates where they don't feel a strong connection. Simple.

But why is one person ordering food, with an offer (but not command) to share, pushing boundaries. Do you think I did something wrong or gauche by ordering food at a food place, and picking something which is flexible for sharing?

It isn't and no you didn't/

I don't get what's stingy about meeting you for a drink and only having a drink.

If he'd said he wasn't having food and then stuffed his face with yours, that would have been a piss-take.

Did she say he was surprised that she inferred he might eat something? Is it really odd and inflexible of him if he was (even though he probably wasn't)? What's odd and inflexible about inviting her to a food mall? She ate some mezze, it sounds nice. If she'd wanted to go elsewhere, she could've said so. They had a nice chat for three hours. She didn't even buy a round. To conclude from this that he's tedious and she's some dream date is confounding to me.

I've been to some of these areas in London, they have loads of food stalls but also a large bar that just sells drinks.

But how someone manages to eck out one drink over 3 hours and there not to be enough time for her to buy the second round of drinks, only to complain about the date being stingy...

from this that he's tedious and she's some dream date is confounding to me

He sounds tedious 'to me'. And I never said op was a dream date.

Maybe he just likes the vibe at the street food place? I’ve been to a couple and would happily sit and have a drink and enjoy the open and vibrant bustle of the place. You are being really judgemental of his choice not to eat late, he probably already had dinner! I think you sound a bit controlling and entitled tbh, sorry

1. Getting in a huff because someone asked you out for drinks and then didn’t eat when they specifically said they weren’t eating.

2. Leaping to the conclusion of stinginess on the same basis.

3. Comments like this: I think if you don’t or can’t eat in the evening then inviting someone to an eating place, in the evening, when there are drinks options available (including quiet ones!) seems … sub-optimal.

4. Going for the blocking option when you haven’t fallen out and there’s no sign of him pestering you. It’s usually favoured by people who want the other person to know they’ve been blocked.