Son swore and partner is angry

[TwoWindowsillTeddies]

DS14 was in the shower. My partner came down and knocked on bathroom door, 4 times and didn’t answer when DS said who’s there. He meant this as a joke.

DS came out of bathroom and said to his sister ‘why the f**k were you knocking on the bathroom door’

Swearing is not allowed in my house and gets a tech ban, so he now has a tech ban. Ds absolutely didn’t need to come out and swear and while it’s irritating when someone knocks several times while you’re in the bathroom it’s not something worth getting angry about. DS was angry.

I don’t think my partner should have done it, or at least after knocking a couple of times he should have just said ‘it’s me, don’t worry’ or some such.

DS was not justified to act as he did, but I don’t think my partners behaviour was good either. Am I wrong to think this?

So... there's a no swearing rule that you stick to, no matter what.

is there also a "don't bait the teenagers" rule? Obviously not.

talk abou thypocrisy. And I speak as someone who swears, accepts that her children swear, but makes it clear i don't consider swearing at home from them okay. (just like I drink, but it's somethign I can do because I'm an adult. they can't because they are teenagers).

Good questions - I think there's more to this with reference to the partner.

A joke is meant to be funny. What was meant to be funny about your partner knocking on the bathroom door 4 times and not answering when your son asked who was there? Does your partner pull out chairs out from under people who are about to sit down as an encore? The only reason your son swore at his sister was the stupidity of your partner. I wouldn't be giving my son a tech ban - I'd be giving the partner marching orders. I feel sorry for your children having to share a house with this idiot you have imposed on them. Be prepared for them to leave home young and visit you very rarely as adults.

I very rarely comment on here but this is so unfair to your son. He was minding his business, your partner decides to wind him up in a really weird, childish way. Your son (understandably) is confused and annoyed by this so asks a very reasonable question to the person most likely to behave this way, and your decision is to focus on the fact he used an expletive and publish HIM for it?! How can you possibly think that makes sense? You should have stood up for your son and chastised your partner for being so inappropriate and weird. At the most a quiet word with your son about the language, at the most!

Always the way when the OP doesn’t get the validation they were seeking

Partner sounds like a wind up merchant.

Tech ban for the odd wear swear word 😵‍💫 Sounds incredibly controlling and your partner sounds like a bit of a shit.

If your son had said to his sister “ I really don’t appreciate anyone knocking on the door in that manner. It seems like you did that deliberately to cause annoyance, and I infer from that you are completely immature, and in fact, a fool because you don’t expect to be on the wrong end of it.”

Fuck that we f and blind all the time here in the comfort of our own home. Outside of the home they get told but know better. Your son will be swearing at school and with his mates, he just slipped up. Get over it and move on.

Your partner is a immature prat and wound your son up, of course he swore. He was set up for it. Rescind the tech ban and have a word with your partner about acting like the adult he presumably is.

Your partner is weird enough to want to wind his son/step son up whilst said son is naked in the shower and somehow your son ends up in the wrong? Nope. Your partner is immature and creepy. One f word is not the issue here. Your creepy partner is. Hope he doesn’t do it to your daughter too.

I wouldn't like the swearing either but your partner is a knob and shouldn't be winding up your children on purpose. Why would he do that?!

Of course op won’t be back now

There really are times you can look at a thread and predict the poster will be wondering in the future why her adult kids are so low contact.

Your partner sounds like a bullying prick.

He deliberately wound up and pissed off your son for no reason, then decided he would punish him when he got angry. He's an arsehole.

Also, a tech ban for a single swear word used in conversation with a sibling is a massive overreaction anyway. Fine to pull the kids up if they swear, but it's a bit draconian to start dishing out punishments on that scale, especially when it wasn't a personal insult.

I feel really sorry for your son.

Is your partner your son's father?

Why is your partner winding up your children?
Poor kids.

Sho decided the punishment?
Is youf boyfriend punishing your children after winding them up?

Another mother putting an arsehole ahead of her own children.

So the issue is that partner, having knocked on the bathroom door to see if it was occupied (perhaps thinking someone had left the shower on?) kept on knocking even after it was clear that someone was using the bathroom? I'd ask why he did this as yes, it seems illogical and annoying. Son's comment to his sister is a separate issue; he could have asked her why she knocked without swearing as he knows there are negative consequences for swearing.

Unfortunately, though, you probably can't give your partner a "tech ban".

There is well mannered and then there is extreme as in OP's case. The partner is at fault here for knocking and not speaking, the tech ban punishment is silly because the partner was the one who caused the problem. I would have been annoyed if someone did this to me.
Your neighbours sound the other extreme and common. I feel sorry for the kids growing up in that enviroment especially when they are young and grow up thinking this ids normal before they grow up and breed the next generation of kids they can shout and swear at. It's depressing.

If you are going to take an authoritative parenting style I think you need to parent like that all the time, your partner can’t play silly pranks like he’s on the same level but then you all decide it’s time to be grown up when it comes to punishing their reaction to the prank. I think you would do better to think about mutual respect, and I don’t think what your partner did - or you policing language with punishment to the extent you have - is at all respectful.

So your son gets a tech ban, because your partner is a twat??

OP has read these responses and knows she's in the wrong too for not pulling up her partner. Doubt she'll be back for that reason alone.

Your partner's a prick

He was deliberately provoked by an adult, yet he is the one getting punished? That sounds unfair. And a tech ban in response to a swear word doesn't seem an appropriate punishment, it's not a logical consequence.
On the other hand, I guess you are being consistent.
What would happen if you were to tell your partner to fuck off? I'm hoping your response to his provocation is at least as strong.

That's a polite way of putting it!

This. You play stupid games you win stupid prizes. Providing it is not a regular occurrence / problem, the tech ban also seems completely unreasonable when your DP deliberately pissed him off and was acting like an immature idiot 🙄