Son swore and partner is angry

[TwoWindowsillTeddies]

DS14 was in the shower. My partner came down and knocked on bathroom door, 4 times and didn’t answer when DS said who’s there. He meant this as a joke.

DS came out of bathroom and said to his sister ‘why the f**k were you knocking on the bathroom door’

Swearing is not allowed in my house and gets a tech ban, so he now has a tech ban. Ds absolutely didn’t need to come out and swear and while it’s irritating when someone knocks several times while you’re in the bathroom it’s not something worth getting angry about. DS was angry.

I don’t think my partner should have done it, or at least after knocking a couple of times he should have just said ‘it’s me, don’t worry’ or some such.

DS was not justified to act as he did, but I don’t think my partners behaviour was good either. Am I wrong to think this?

Your DP sounds like a total dick. I feel sorry for your DC having to live with him.

@TwoWindowsillTeddiesyikes, as you can see from the responses, please can we have an update of you lifting the tech ban and apologise to your son for banning him, and your partner say sorry for unnecessary windup? It would be good life lesson for your son to see adults apologise upon reflection and sometimes adults get it wrong.

Your partner was a dick who created the situation. If I were your son, I'd be really pissed off at him.

Imagine if your DS got a GF and she came to live with you for a bit.

One day you’re in the shower and someone is frantically banging on the bathroom door and won’t answer when you ask who it is.

You jump out of the shower, still wet and soapy, rush to the door and open it to see what the emergency is, find it’s just your DS’ GF “messing about” and swear.

Do you think you then shouldn’t have access to your phone or computer or the telly for a period of time? Or do you tell DS’ annoying GF that she’s no longer welcome to stay over because she’s FUCKING ANNOYING?

Jesus fucking christ.
Your dh sounds like a right wanker and you a dope for going along with it.
A tech ban for swearing.
Wtf is the punishment for when he tells u go fuck yourself and your rules?
Or coming home shitfaced?
Oh he wont, he wont tell you anything. Because you have been so controlling, he cant.
Way to fuxk up your kids.
Tell that wanker to fuck off out of your house and protect your kids.

Totally with this. Must admit I wonder about the ban on swearing and the tech ban though, seems a bit extreme but each to their own.
Oliver Cromwell would approve of the rigidity of it all, and yes, another who thinks your partner is a knob.

Looks like a rare thing on MN where there’s 100% agreement - that DP is a total dickhead

Your partner is 100% in the wrong here.

Your partner deliberately provoked your son by disturbing his privacy a pathetic four times.

Your partner's behaviour has caused bad feeling between your two children and resulted in punishment for one of them.

Your partner's behaviour caused this, not your children's reaction.

Your partner did this, in their home.

Your partner owes all three of you a heartfelt apology.

Your partner should be the one on a tech ban and should accept it with good grace.

Your children should be the ones to decide how long the ban is for.

What a prick your partner is. The bathroom is only safe private space in house and he kept knocking and knocking and knocking and not saying anything, just to make your son uncomfortable under the guise of being "a joke"

And then you punish your son, great work.

I grew up in a house like this! Baited into arguments by adults who knew better. adults who behaved like little teenage bullies. Adults who were just horrible.

I don't have much of a relationship with my parental units now. I never had a peaceful nor safe space at home because of it.

How massively OTT. But he should have addressed the why the fuck at his stepdad presumably. That was his only mistake.

Tell your partner to stop hammering on locked bathroom doors.

Your partner wound him up and now you've punished him for being wound up

Nice parenting, team!

I hope your DCs start banging on the bathroom door for no reason every time you and your partner are in there. There will be nothing you can do about it now!

Your partner reminds me of those boorish people who knock on people's doors and run away. It's one thing if it's silly little children who can't comprehend the difficulties and worries that they could put somebody to, summoning them to an empty doorstep; but it tends to take a nasty and aggressive tone when older people do it.

Fair enough if he desperately needed the toilet, or maybe even if he was concerned about the bill for hot water for a very long shower; but just to keep banging on the door and remaining silent is bordering on abusive.

I'm guessing that, given your DS's age, he was assuming that he must be masturbating in there, and he somehow - even as an adult - believed it would be hilarious to disrupt, unnerve and upset him. Your partner sounds immature and horrible.

That as maybe, but OP is bringing her kids up to be well mannered and disciplined.
My neighbours spend all day swearing in every sentence. I'd far rather live next door to OP and family than yours.

What a fucking idiot your partner is - and a tech ban for your son as punishment?? Bloody hell.

Tell your partner to wise up and stop with the tech bans for minor issues like this. You've got years of teenage behaviour ahead of you - pick your battles, otherwise it's going to be a miserable time for all of you.

Tech ban for reacting angrily to stupid childish antics from mum’s latest partner. I’ve heard it all now.

Your DP is a nasty power playing arsehole and you should be apologising to your son (and daughter) for moving him into their home. Hope the sex is worth it?

You clearly don’t care that your children will likely go low contact or no contact once they’re old enough to move out. 🤦🏻‍♀️

We'd be a tech free household if there was a ban for swearing!

I would differentiate between "why the fuck did you do that?" and "why did you do that, you fucking idiot?"
The first one would get a "look", the second I would have words about.

Do neither you nor your partner ever swear?

So your partner went out of his way to deliberately piss off your son, and is now angry at your son because he got pissed off by it?

We'd be a tech free household if there was a ban for swearing!

😂 I think I’m the one who swears the most so it would mainly be my tech.

Anyone else think this is probably not the first time the twat had antagonised the poor boy under the guise of ‘it’s only a joke’

My 11 year old called DH a T**t the other day! She had heard it in school and didn’t know it was bad - after we had stopped laughing we explained that it wasn’t a nice word to use. End of story.
Tech ban for a 14 year old for one f word when provoked seems excessive, and your DH was being unreasonable anyway

Your DH caused this. When you’re naked in a shower and someone is knocking it makes you feel vulnerable so I’m not surprised that your ds came out swearing. A tech ban for swearing in a situation completely created by your dh is grossly unfair.

Your partner sounds incredibly childish. He has a very unsophisticated sense of humor if he think that banging on the door and then not answering when someone asks who is knocking is 'funny.'

I'd give the partner a tech ban (of some kind of ban), not the son.

If it was aimed at his sister he would have said “you effing ….”, so no it wasn’t aimed at her.

Why did your dh knock on the door?