Son swore and partner is angry

[TwoWindowsillTeddies]

DS14 was in the shower. My partner came down and knocked on bathroom door, 4 times and didn’t answer when DS said who’s there. He meant this as a joke.

DS came out of bathroom and said to his sister ‘why the f**k were you knocking on the bathroom door’

Swearing is not allowed in my house and gets a tech ban, so he now has a tech ban. Ds absolutely didn’t need to come out and swear and while it’s irritating when someone knocks several times while you’re in the bathroom it’s not something worth getting angry about. DS was angry.

I don’t think my partner should have done it, or at least after knocking a couple of times he should have just said ‘it’s me, don’t worry’ or some such.

DS was not justified to act as he did, but I don’t think my partners behaviour was good either. Am I wrong to think this?

Your son sounds like the only normal person in this story.

Tech ban my arse!!!!

Your DP is horrible. He's antagonising your DS to the point of DS getting wound up and swears, DP then gets a high because he gets to punish your DS for something that he has caused. I think your DP needs to get a tech ban. He sounds like a bully and should be punished for it.

The latest in a very very long line of MN threads where a woman prioritises dick over kids

Depressing as fuck that these kids have to deal with twatty blokes that get dragged into their lives

Op do you just have one bathroom and how long was your son in the shower? It seems unnecessary to have keep knocking but if he was in there for an hour (costing £££ of hot water) and the stepdad needed the toilet I might understand.

i agree with no swearing policy. In my house no one has ever sworn at anyone, there are better ways to communicate.

@TwistedWonder

You are not wrong there.

A tech ban for swearing? Controlling nonsense.

He didn't do it as a joke. He did it to pick a fight and cause a row - he wanted DS bollocked and you stepped in and did his dirty work. Is he their father?
Men like this really piss me off.

Agree with all those above who are saying your partner is an idiot to goad your son. Tech ban for one fuck - how ridiculous.

So have you given your partner a tech ban as well for winding your son up?

If he behaves like a child, surely he should be treated like one 🤷‍♀️

My exact thoughts!

And was DS in thw shower or was he taking a shit because knocking on the door repeatedly when someone is shitting was one of my grandads "hilarious" jokes. As was burst in on you in the morning to bring you a cup of tea - knock once, barge in then protest in outrage "I was being nice, bringing you tea". No you weren't dickhead.

Very true.
I feel sorry for him

I think you should be careful if you use this kind of language with the kids about what is ‘worth getting angry about’. We all get angry about what we get angered by. Irritation is on the same spectrum as anger. I think what you can expect is your rules about how you behave when you’re angry. I don’t agree with your attitude to swearing in general but it’s your house your rules. I just think it’s not good in any relationship to tell someone how it’s ok to feel.

I don’t know if I think DH is in the wrong exactly but I think he should acknowledge it was annoying and was behaviour that pissed DS off. DS should apologise to DD.

Is DP DS’s father? Why is pestering him in the shower? That’s a really weird thing to do.

Your partner sounds like a horrible prick.

Your parenting sounds draconian and joyless. Seriously, a ‘tech ban’ for a teenager saying ‘fuck’? 🙄

I feel very sorry for the kids in this household.

What punishment does your partner get for being a twat?

Your partner is in the wrong here,can't you see that?

He's only a P not an H, if he isn't the father of any of your DC why live together? you would have more space if he didn't live with you.

Why was the partner repeatedly knocking on the door - surely he could hear the shower running?

I feel for your son here as well as his sister because the two main adults in their lives are letting them
down. Your son should remain undisturbed whilst in the shower. Your man was acting like a twat banging on the door and you bring in a tech ban!. Was that his idea initially?. Do you know which way is up?.

You have a choice re this man and they do not. And I suppose they adore him too. And no they don’t.

And you are with this man child because. ,

Your partner was being an asshole trying to wind up your son and you punished your son.

Your son can't say fuck without consequences but your partner can deliberately piss him off in his own home without consequence. I know what I think is worse and it sure isn't saying fuck. Your partner is playing dominance power games with your teen son. That's not going to end well.

he didn't swear AT his sister, he swore TO his sister which IMO is different unless she is really young. Also IMO your partner is an asshole. He should be apologising and he should get the tech ban instead of your son.

Think you may be considering the problem from the wrong angle here, OP

Presumably it was aimed at her because she is the only other child in the house and he thought it’s obviously not something an adult would do so it had to be her.

Don't blame him for the consequences of your dp’s childish behaviour. And unclench on the swearing front.

If your ds’s attitude towards his sister generally goes beyond normal sibling squabbling, and into toxic masculinity, then address that urgently. Not with a tech ban.

Your son has to put up with dickish behaviour from your partner and then gets a tech ban. Poor kid.