Son swore and partner is angry

[TwoWindowsillTeddies]

DS14 was in the shower. My partner came down and knocked on bathroom door, 4 times and didn’t answer when DS said who’s there. He meant this as a joke.

DS came out of bathroom and said to his sister ‘why the f**k were you knocking on the bathroom door’

Swearing is not allowed in my house and gets a tech ban, so he now has a tech ban. Ds absolutely didn’t need to come out and swear and while it’s irritating when someone knocks several times while you’re in the bathroom it’s not something worth getting angry about. DS was angry.

I don’t think my partner should have done it, or at least after knocking a couple of times he should have just said ‘it’s me, don’t worry’ or some such.

DS was not justified to act as he did, but I don’t think my partners behaviour was good either. Am I wrong to think this?

Might be worth you and your partner get a book on how to communicate with teenage boys because I don’t think either of you know. I managed to bring up two boys on my own with more insight than either of you.

Even at that, it was aimed at his sister?
His sister who did nothing?
What did your so called partner do when he saw someone else get the blame for his shitty behaviour?
And what did u do?
Cos anything other than calling your 'partner' out on his appalling behaviour, asking him to apologise to both your kids for his appalling behaviour, and you apologising to them for putting him above them, well quite frankly anything else is shameful. And a lot worse than the odd cuss word.
Id be swearing. Something along the lines of get the fuck away fron my children you controlling cunt.

I'd be putting partner of different type of ban for being a bit of a prick winding him up like that.

God, what an overly officious household. We don’t swear as standard at home, but neither are we puritanical about it.

Your partner was in the wrong. He should have responded to your son instead of repeatedly knocking on the bathroom door. I would be wondering why he behaved in such a childish and deliberately irritating way.

A tech ban for your son expressing annoyance, even by swearing, is over the top. He wasn’t swearing at his sister - if he called her a fucking idiot or something then sure, some consequences might be warranted. But he was rightly annoyed as I would be too and it likely just slipped out.

Well of course it was aimed at his sister because why would your son suspect that your ADULT partner behave in such a pathetic manner. How on earth is knocking 4 times on the door ‘funny’. I rarely swear but I would absolutely have some choice words for your partner.

Out of interest, what ban have you imposed on your partner? As the instigator of this pathetic behaviour he certainly deserves some punishment.

Your partner needs to grow up.

Why does your partner go out of his way to antagonise your son? How long has your partner lived with you?

Your partner was in the wrong.

As an aside, you're going to have some hellish teenage years if you ban tech for swearing

Odd joke.

Can't get upset about a swear word in our house. They know when is appropriate and when is not, and they know not to use it at me, but I'd not be punishing a 14 year old for using the F word.

@TwoWindowsillTeddies what ban do you and dp have for bad language?

Totally OTT and ridiculous. A tech ban for swearing? 'WTF' doesn't really count in any case; it's practically part of our national vocabulary. He wasn't even swearing at his sister.

Stand up for your children, and get your partner to stop winding up your son, otherwise you've got a long road ahead of you.

Your partner was totally in the wrong here. It actually sounds really creepy that a grown man would do this, it is not a joke, it is in no way funny, and now your son has a tech ban, is your partner trying to exert some alpha male type role here where he is the one with all the power and your son has to just suck it up?
I would be very careful here and pick your battles, your sone is not 8 years old, he is becoming a young man and tech bans for swearing when goaded by an adult is not the right way to go about things, would you give tech bans if he stubbed his toe and a swear word popped out?

Your partner gets to wind your son up but your son gets punished. What the fuck is that about. Did your partner think that was a funny thing to do, what a dickhead. He should be apologising. He's an idiot.

Your partner is pathetic.
And why is he angry? He didn't even get sworn at.

Your DS shouldn't have sworn at his sister. She didn't do anything but DS assumed it was her because he thought that adults wouldn't do something as childish and pathetic as knocking on the door 4 times when he's showering.

What did your partner say when DS blamed his sister?

I wouldn't be giving DS a tech ban for that especially as he was provoked.

It’s sad that your partner instigated this but it’s your son that gets punished.

In my house we sometimes have a situation where my DS14 winds up my DD9. He knows just how far to go to push her to overreact and get her in trouble (she might snap at hit him for example). When this happens they both get in trouble as while he never hits her or anything like that, he has caused the whole situation and is the one most in the wrong in my view.

Why are you letting your partner behave like an immature asshole to your teenage son?

If anyone deserves a 'tech ban' it's your dickhead of a partner.

Same!

your partner would lose his mind in my house.

You say it's not worth getting angry about having to get out of the shower. I disagree. I was in the shower yesterday; I could vaguely hear the doorbell going. It was my son, without his keys, getting impatient. I had to hurry out, towel wrapped round me, soaking wet and getting water everywhere. Could have been a risk, slipping. So yes, I was mildly annoyed that he'd not got his keys.

Knocking 4 times on the door? Not replying when asked? I'd be more than mildly annoyed.

Who comes first in your house, BTW? Your partner, or your children? Assuming he's not their father, you should not be punishing them at his behest.

I feel really sorry for your son. 14 years old and wanting privacy and peace at that age is normal and wasn't given it. Then got punished for losing his cool. Yeah, sure he swore at the wrong person but he probably thought it was immature behaviour and didn't expect it from his mums partner.....

Your fella behaved like a knob and to be honest, he owes them both an apology and a ban of tech time! He has absolutely no right to be angry, he caused this.

Your partner behaved in a strange, irritating and immature way which is inappropriate for an adult.

Your son should not have been punished for reacting to this- after all, the whole point of your ‘partner’s’ behaviour was to wind a 14 year old up & get a reaction.

I assume you realise that your son believed his sister had done this because it never occurred to him an adult might behave in this childish way.

I would be seriously questioning why this peculiar man (who I assume is not your children’s father) is being allowed to live in the same house with them and cause disruption by his odd behaviour.

Fucking hell, your poor DS.

Im sorry but this is crap parenting.

Your partner is coming across as a bullying prick and your poor parenting need addressing.

Your poor son having to live in that environment.

But your partner's behaviour was actually worse, IMO. He childishly goaded your son who became angry.

I doubt the op will come back to this thread but she should do so.