Been together a long time, husband seems to forget he is a husband only and not my blood relative, anyone else?

[Dpxuek971]

Sorry I didn't know how else to explain it in the title . Does anyone else feel this has happened with their husbands?
I was 16 and he was 17 when we got together. We are now in our 40s. Do we have spent almost our entire adult lives together.
First 10 years of relationship felt normal, romantic ,passionate etc. Then we had kids ao the next 10 years spent enjoying them which was lovely.
Now we are older and the kids are older my husband has changed alot but I have not. I feel I am exactly the same personality wise. I look differnt obviously.
He has completely changed looks and personality. He looks about 60 and had let himself go, and can be quite moody. But the main thing I have noticed a lot is he speaks to me as if he is my brother or my parent amd also he acts that way too.Ive started pointing this out to him but he cant see it.
Examples, he will do a lot of gross things around me that he finds funny . Such as farting right next to me at least 10 times every night whilst watching tv. If he finds something on himself like fluff or something he will throw it on me. He will not shower or put deodorant on for long periods. Its almost as if he really enjoys being gross.
The way he sometimes talks to me makes me feel weird. It is very obvious that he doesn't think of me as an equal or even a partner. I will often say to him , we are not blood related, I can leave you at any time , I dont have to put up with you being gross etc. But its as if he cant comprehend this as we have been together so long.
If hes moaning at the kids about picking up mess etc he will include me in it as if I am his child. Or he will chastise me over something that makes me feel as if im his child. I cannot express how much I hate this.
I dont know if its a coping mechanism or if I am neurodivergent but when he does this I now have an extreme reaction. I want to divorce him immediate , start looking at houses and planning my own life , become very defensive and stroppy almost like the teenager he is treating me as. I think its all very weird and I dont like it.
Had anyone else experienced this im a very long term relationship? To add we are not intimate and don't share a room either which i think adds to this. But like I say its mostly that he seems to forget we are a married couple that can separate at any time

Leave. You don’t need to stay with him, you know. It sounds like the relationship has run its course and he treats you like a housemate because that’s what you are to each other. Certainly there’s no respect for you as his romantic partner and mother of his children, so just leave. The hardest part is saying it.

Don’t just say you’ll leave him. Actually do it! You don’t have to put up with that.

You have to follow through. I threatened my expartner many times that I would leave it just became a joke to him. When the divorce of papers landed he was still surprised. Weirdo

OP this sounds miserable. He seems to have cast you as a sister that he enjoys annoying in a very irritating teenage way. How old are your children, are you in a position to leave? I wouldn't want to live like this, he sounds insufferable.

Sounds like you are having your perimenopausal 'awakening' when you suddenly wonder 'how the hell did I get here?' and everything your partner does becomes intensely irritating!!

The rage does subside eventually but you'll likely be left wondering what on earth possessed you to live with a man and wishing you had your own place!

What a stupid response.
Also proves my theory about anyone who uses a laughing emoji to ridicule someone in a serious issue.
Ignore this nonsense OP.

You can have the same personality even though you have matured over the years. I think I do too to a large extent. OPs partner sounds like he started off being a fun and respectful partner who has morphed into a gross and disrspectful human. OP hasn't changed her fundamental values.

The title of this thread makes me twitch - so you would be ok with some people doing those things ? Weird

One more deliberate fart next to me or throwing anything at me like fluff and that would be divorce papers.

I would give that to him as a written warning now.

Your situation sounds completely intolerable, he clearly has no respect or affection for you anymore.

Potentially, but why the need to laugh at the OP for saying that? It's very belittling.

I'm confused by the thread title. Blood relatives can be avoided if they are difficult, too. I tend to think of my husband as closer than a blood relative, other than my kids.

Other than that, he sounds grim tbh.

By the title I meant he feels as if I would never be away from him as if we were siblings attached by a family bond, that there is no possible chance we would separate due to family ties. And he treats me like an annoying brother would treat a sister who are forced to live together whilst growing up. He seems to not be aware that i have choice

I can't see any benefits to staying in this relationship (for you, I mean, I am sure there are significant benefits for him). Are you going to settle for this for the rest if your life? Personally I wouldn't give him an ultimatum to change or anything like that. It is unlikely to do anything at this stage. Just sort out your finances, accommodation etc and tell him you are off and how the childcare is going to work.

Ive spoken to him a lot about being gross and he thinks im daft. How could you divorce someone because they fart? But ita deeper than that. Its that he feels he can do it repeatedly and I just have to tolerate it. When we were teenagers it may have been funny but I am a middle age woman , the humor of that doesnt exist for me anymore.

The farting, throwing bits of fluff at me and the lack of hygiene would have been a deal breaker a long time ago for me. Leave Stig of the dump to stagnate in his revolting habits, live your life and start afresh. The bed and fabrics he sits on must smell because of him not showering etc, he wouldn’t be dragging me or my children into his filth pit.

She doesn’t mean that, she means when you have a birth family you can’t divorce them, that’s it they’re your parents, your siblings etc.

OP this is disrespectful and disgusting behaviour. He has no respect for you (or your children if he does this in front of them). They will eventually disrespect you too if you stay with this man. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

The farting alone would be enough for me frankly, but it's not just that in any case, as you make clear. You are not a couple, you are living with an undesirable housemate. He can go or you can, as with any other shared living situation that is not working.

What’s your financial situation? Could you afford to book yourself onto a nice hotel or go away for the weekend by yourself next time he does this? Could you do it a few times?
But tbh, I’m wondering what’s in this marriage for you. Are there reasons you’d like to stay with him ? He sounds very disrespectful.

What’s keeping you with him? (Not a rhetorical question.)

Basically he’s taking you for granted. Living alone is amazing after putting up with someone like this and it’s something I think everyone should experience. You got together when you were children so you’ve only known living with him. Do you have the means to get your own place?

If my brother treated me like that I would stop seeing him, permanently or at least until he sincerely apologised and behaved better. I don't think the family analogy is helping.
He is being vile and you need to tell him seriously that you will leave unless he stops this childish, rude, demeaning behaviour immediately. Then start to make your plans.

He is treating you the way a ten year old boy treats his mates.
Just yuck.

I once had an ex husband call me a stupid name which he learned from copying his idiot teenage son, which was something he frequently did in his pathetic attempts to be a “cool mate” rather than an effective father.

That plus other things made me completely stop fancying him.

One of the other things being him peeling his toenails in front of me in the living room, putting the bits in his dressing gown pocket and “forgetting” to take them out and bin them so that if I washed his dressing gown I would find bits of his toenails stuck to my clean washing.

I had made it very clear to him that I found his behaviour disgusting, not that I should need to point out the bleeding obvious, but he carried on.

It is a total lack of respect, a passive aggressive “fuck you” and is the death knoll for any relationship as far as I am concerned.

And yet such men still expect us to want to have sex with them?!

I firmly believe that marriage can be challenging and requires work, especially when there are young children involved, but it does involve teamwork and in this case I’d be off. You’ve already put in a good stint and you don’t get a badge for miserably enduring another few decades. You could have years of happiness being single or even meet someone else who better shares your values - you’re still young enough to have decades of enjoyment with another person! Please have my first ever LTB.