Would you feel comfortable with this much masturbating?

[NailsAreTooShort]

I've been with a lovely man for 4 months, I feel we communicate well, we both make a real effort and I genuinely enjoy his company. He's different to other men I've dated and feel on more of even playing field. We do both have children and live nearly an hour apart, so we only see each other at the weekend as of course the children don't know (mine are 10 and 15, his are 4 and 6). We both late 30s.

Anyway, we have good sex, but...he has told me (I actually think he perhaps didn't mean to) that he has a very strong sex drive, and he masturbates every day, quite often twice a day. He said something about seeing woman in leggings and it can make him horny? I feel a bit uncomfortable and strange about it, but obviously its not up to me to tell him what to do with his body. I just need to decide if this is a line for me. When I see him he won't do it for a couple of days now, because it did affect sex a few times as he couldn't climax.

So, my question is, would this bother you? Have you had a boyfriend/partner/husband who did this everyday, and if so, how did you feel?

No, it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest as long as it didn’t impact on our sex life.

It shows he’s capable of taking care of his own needs without constantly pestering you.

I am a woman and I masturbate most days. Bit weird about the leggings!

Yes it would bother me that he chose to share with you how much other women turn him on
. If the sight of a woman in leggings has that affect on him he must go around perpetually aroused and that sounds like an unhealthy obsession with sex to me.

I think his extreme interest in sex and in other women will eventually become a self esteem and trust issue for you.

The leggings comment is objectifyinh and icky, at best, red flag at worst.

Red flag that his sex with you is affected. Does he have ‘death grip’?

Would be asking about his porn use too - urgh.

You should be concerned about the leggings comment not the actual masturbating, that's a big red flag!

If a man ever said to me that if he ever saw a woman in leggings, he gets horny and has to go wank- I would understand that he’s a knuckle dragging fuckwit, incapable of ‘inside thoughts’ who you honestly couldn’t bring anywhere

I wouldn’t be on mumsnet debating his wanking habits and whether I’d be ok with it

Why do you want to go out with this swamp creature?

He can touch his penis as much as he wants in the privacy of his own home but the fact he felt he needed to tell you that seeing women in leggings makes him need a wank is grim as fuck imo.

Only a few weeks in and tells telling you how much watching other women’s arses gets him horny - big no for me. He’s not a ‘lovely man’ if he thinks that’s an acceptable thing to tell a new partner - he’s a grubby little sleaze bucket who sees women as wank fodder

He doesn’t sound ‘lovely’ to me

The legging comment gives me the ick. Also his difficulty climaxing during sex if hes been mastubating day or two before.
I think i would feel like im not enough. Mastubating twice a day is a lot.
So its not something id be that comfortable with. Your gut is telling you no but youre trying to override it.
But if it bothers you then thats valid so dont dismiss it.

I think the fact he's told you about looking at other women in leggings could be a problem but not the masturbating. I'm a woman and do it probably daily, I'd say it's normal. Some people have higher sex drives than others and there's nothing wrong with that.

It would be a bit much for me tbh. Twice a bloody day? And getting turned on by random women just going about their business is awful. I would be worried all the time that he was looking at other women and I don't need that.

Agree with this
Red flag to me

I think the frequent masturbating affecting your actual sex life would be a deal breaker for me.

The leggings - overshare for sure, esp just 4 months in.

Those 2 things combined - I’d leave it alone personally.

Yes It would bother me especially getting aroused from random women. Sounds like a sex addiction. Does he watch a lot of porn too?

This is going to sound incredibly sexist. And I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive, but to define the difference testosterone makes in a human.

I think we massively underestimate how sexually driven men are. When I was in perimenopause, I had a HUGE surge in libido. I think it's the body's attempt to get us pregnant one last time (no fucking way tho!). I was a walking erogenous zone. Obsessed with sex. Even when I wasn't thinking about sex (work etc) my body was aroused. It was bloody awful. At times, I would have to go to the loo at work (or wherever I was) to masturbate to turn the bloody obsession/symptoms off a bit.

From talking to male friends, this mirrored how they said they feel on a daily basis. Physical and mental obsession.

I guess if I'd grown up with this, I'd have learned better how to cope with it (e.g. sorting myself out at home, in the morning, before going out for the day. Dealing with it again when I got home in the evening). So I think a bloke that manages this, something I very much saw and remember as a debilitating condition, in a sensible way, is OK.

Thank god I'm not a bloke though. It was awful. And explains a lot about how they are. It was like being an animal, driven solely by body and instinct and I very much prefer being a human, driven by mind and intellect.

I’d run from this one. Twice a day? TWICE? Leggings? I agree with @Olderandwiserpossiblyand inquiring about porn use as @Dozer indicated.

Do you ever see yourself living with him? Because you know he'd be trying to initiate sex twice a day if you were. If your sex drive doesn't match that then it might be something to think about

It is weird that he told you about the leggings thing and also suggests he watches porn enough that he can't look at a woman without wanking

Oh my god. It’s not like he’s whipping his cock out in the street every time he sees a woman in leggings!!

i masturbate every day I’m not with my partner. So does he. Sometimes twice for either of us. Neither of us are sex pests.

Masturbating every day is fairly normal I think?? Even - shock horror - twice. As is having a specific thing that you're into. I don't think that's particularly weird, as long as he's not being odd or inappropriate with anyone he sees in leggings.

@ClawsandEffect You discussed this with your male friends?! Blimey!

Yeah, I had a really good male friend at the time. It was a relief to have someone I could discuss it with because my woman friends just wouldn't have understood.

I don't think l'd care what he does in the privacy of his own home as long as it didn't impact on your sex life with him, but the leggings comment was an unnecessary over share. If we were out together I'd be very aware of every woman in leggings and imagining him perving on them which would really put me off

@NailsAreTooShort agree about the leggings comment . Can’t he control himself. Also that it affects your sex life .

Id bet he’s got some porn addiction too.
This isn’t going to get better op.

However I don’t think masturbating in general is unhealthy quite the opposite .

Yip

My cynical thought is that he clearly doesnt spend enough time and energy on his kids if he has that much time and energy for wanking.

(Also - is your username chosen for this post??)