Would you feel comfortable with this much masturbating?

[NailsAreTooShort]

I've been with a lovely man for 4 months, I feel we communicate well, we both make a real effort and I genuinely enjoy his company. He's different to other men I've dated and feel on more of even playing field. We do both have children and live nearly an hour apart, so we only see each other at the weekend as of course the children don't know (mine are 10 and 15, his are 4 and 6). We both late 30s.

Anyway, we have good sex, but...he has told me (I actually think he perhaps didn't mean to) that he has a very strong sex drive, and he masturbates every day, quite often twice a day. He said something about seeing woman in leggings and it can make him horny? I feel a bit uncomfortable and strange about it, but obviously its not up to me to tell him what to do with his body. I just need to decide if this is a line for me. When I see him he won't do it for a couple of days now, because it did affect sex a few times as he couldn't climax.

So, my question is, would this bother you? Have you had a boyfriend/partner/husband who did this everyday, and if so, how did you feel?

My thought is that you’ve got a very weird notion of how much time and effort it takes to have a wank.

I doubt he’s locking himself in his bedroom for hours at a time mid-afternoon for this. How does having a wank in bed at night or during his morning shower take up any parenting time?

If he is masturbating this much plus watching porn and he gets turned on by women in leggings it sounds like he has a sex addiction. Big ick for me. He may also have some kinks he hasn’t yet shared.

The masturbating wouldn’t bother me but the comment about seeing women in leggings and thinking it was ok for him to relay this to you makes him sound like a total pervert. That would give me the absolute ick.

Yes, I agree with all of this.

do the people that are masturbating 1/2 times a day have kids? How do you find the time gosh I barely manage to pee alone!

It takes less than 5 minutes to wank

Wow not for me, guessing it’s all men replying then.

The masturbation frequency would not bother me at all providing it is not impacting elsewhere. I (female) generally participate once or twice a day myself, often with a vibey, regardless of what else is going on with 1:1 sex. It’s a different need, a great stress release and requires different energy levels.

The leggings thing would bother me though, particularly (but not just this) as they are often worn by younger women.

You also say you are having “good sex” yet there are times when he has been unable to deliver. Self indulgence is a problem if is causing difficulties with your own sex life.

Its only 4 months in and hes struggling to climax. Whilst underlying health and issues such as this you can be sensitive and understanding with, mastubating so much it affects your sex life is totally different.

16 weeks in hes telling you about how turned on he gets by leggings and talking about meeting his kids soon. No thanks

That's true. But, if you're sensible you keep your fantasies to yourself unless your partner actively wants to know 😁

Exactly - you can’t help your thoughts. But you don’t tell your partner about how you perve at people in leggings and keep wanking about it. Yuck.

I mean it sounds to me like he has a fetish about leggings and is looking up porn with leggings involved but that’s just me.

He sounds like an over sexed porn addict teenager.
Yuk.

The pervy aspect is what’s wrong. Not the frequency.

That said, I have been married over 20 years and have no idea how often DH does, and he doesn’t know my ‘count’ either. Why is this a discussion?

How long do you think it takes???

Exactly. That is the difference between time and effort required for a little relaxing “me time” and 1:1 sex.

Could be referring to the build up throughout the day.

plus, if porn is involved, it may not be just 5 mins of watching + delayed ejaculation

The leggings comment is 100% the biggest concern here- what a sleaze. But then also the fact he was wanking so much he couldn’t climax. Not appealing whatsoever.

To me the number of times a person masturbates per day is private. I don't tell others and I don't want to know what others do.

It's literally you alone touching your own body. There's nothing wrong with it nor does it need discussion or reduction. Unless it's interfering in someone's sex life with other people.

The thing about leggings he said is rank though. I'd probably find that a turn off. Like why did he bother telling you by any of these things?

I mean maybe, but I don't see why it would interfere with his parenting or normal life.

I don't think twice a day is odd at all.

Not trying to be rude, but do we really think a long debate about how long it could take to masturbate for a man none of know personally is a useful way to spend our time? I am guilty myself of being bogged down with details of topics, but, uhm.... Are we sure here?

Well there is a mass debate over how long he spends doing it.

I'm not particularly buying into this "death grip" stuff with him. Rather the complete opposite and that he is sex mad, with the sight of a woman in leggings enough to set him off.

I doubt that his body can produce that much semen to be able to climax so much in a day.

Basically he'd rather masturbate over the image of a woman in leggings than have sex with the OP.

Are you kidding? I can be done and dusted in 10 mins tops. Hardly detracts from my parenting...

As a man, I think this is par for the course. I can understand how it is disconcerting and as a male, we need to make sure it doesn’t intrude in our sex life, but I don't thing once a day is an exception. i think its good that he’s open to you about this because it can be confusing.

I commend @ClawsandEffect 's post and don't see any sexism in it. I was like that when I was a younger man. For days on end my body would produce great gales of lust. It was something I couldn't ever quite explain to DW as doing so could easily have gone wrong. It wore off in my early 40s and while I miss it now it was very frustrating at the time.

No one would have expected it to look at me: I very much don't look like a testosterone-sodden stud bull of a man.

I don't recall having any trouble finishing in my 30s and would suggest that the OP's boyfriend won't either if he knocks off the porn and scales back the wanking. Stress, performance anxiety and ill health might also cause it but not for me in my 30s.

ETA: the only thing that stopped me from being like OP's boyfriend is that I felt just a bit grossed out by it and felt I needed to control it.