Less than 2% of people marry their childhood sweetheart

[LillyP88]

… according to Google! Do we think this is true? Has anyone come across the studies that these articles refer to? I suppose some couples choose not to marry so whilst they are in a long-term committed relationship, that wouldn’t count towards the data here.

Me and my DH are childhood sweethearts which was what sparked our conversation. We have a few friends who are still together too so I was a bit surprised the figures suggest it’s less than 2%!

I would be really helpful if you were specific about what you mean by 'earlier generations'. If you mean people born in the 1880s I agree with you. If you mean people born in the 1960s then I probably disagree.

Our mothers who had kids in 70s worked - both my DGM both worked - kids 40 and 50s - and one Great Grandmother worked though necessity which would have been early 1900s.

My DGP - and MIL parents only had two kids - though choice so must have had some access to contraceptives in 40s and 50s.

Dmum was let go in 70s for being pg - they though they were being nice letting her stay working after marriage - and in previous years they assumed marriage was a resignation.

Previous generations of DH and my family did fair bit of moving round the globe and the UK and Ireland.

I've had posters assert none of the above could possibly be true. MN history is like a young child concept of histroy an amorphous blob of before times.

We are the beneficiaries of a lot of pervious generations of women making the world much fairer for us and that does mean leaving marraiges now is eaiser than in lot of the past - not a bad thing at all.

However I think there's now a almost infantilizing of young adults - and thus a negativity attached to more adult things like settling down and well as economic barriers to doing it at ages young adults did in the past.

I've seen demogrpahers talk of this social shift saying marriage itself and parenhood as well is now a cap stone event - something done after everything else the final thing where as till relavtively recently it was a thing you did alongside rest of life. There are always people who do things different though - so doesn't surpsie me some couples meet young and still stay together happily for life.

Equal inheritance - 1922
Women’s right to divorce on the grounds of their husband’s cruelty - 1923
Women's right to divorce for mental cruelty -1937
Equal pay (in government jobs/teaching only) - 1956
Divorce due "irretrievable breakdown of marriage” - 1969
Equal pay act - 1970
Co-signing for financial products ended by Sex Discrimination Act - 1975
Women couldn't be refused service in pubs because of their sex - 1982
Retirement age equality & legal night shifts - 1986
Rape in marriage became a crime - 1991.

I only know 2 couples who have been together since their mid-teens. Both still live in the same town where they grew up and where most of their extended family still live. One couple never left the area and never wanted to, the other moved away for Uni for a couple of years but always planned to come back (and did). Both couples have young adult children now and are still very happy together. I suspect that part of the reason for their relationship working out was that from a young age they had a plan of how their adult lives would be.

On the other side of that, I have several family members who wanted a similar life and thought they found their 'soul mate' in their teenage years but it didn't work out and they can't seem to get over their childhood sweetheart and are too scared to risk another relationship which is quite sad. One of then married his childhood sweetheart in his late teens but it quickly fell apart (I suspect they were both just too young to settle down and realistically had different goals). They remained friends but he was very open with family about the fact that he hoped she would come back to him and he never had any other serious relationships. I don't think she led him on in any way (she moved to another country and re-married but sent him Xmas cards/birthday cards etc just like any other old friend) but right up until his death in his late 70s he talked as though the break up was temporary.

@MyOpalCat
"I've seen demogrpahers talk of this social shift saying marriage itself and parenhood as well is now a cap stone event - something done after everything else the final thing where as till relavtively recently it was a thing you did alongside rest of life. "

That's so interesting. I wonder what people who believe this think they'll do with the rest of their life once they've walked down the aisle. Those 50 years must yawn like a chasm.

Edited to say I've no idea why Starlight Lady was quoted above my post.

And thank god for that!

For what?
That you dont get to experience something so wonderful?
Strange take.

These types of comments have almost certainly come from people who didn’t choose the right person for them in their teens/ early adult life. I imagine it’s hard to understand unless you have experienced it!

I don’t think I understand the concept of needing to date and experience multiple partners before choosing/ finding the right one. I’ve never felt the need to date multiple people but I suppose if you haven’t found the right one then you would of course want to. I still don’t see the need as though it’s a requirement.

Women couldn’t open a bank account without their father or husband’s permission until 1975. Surely you knew this?

What’s weird about pointing out that’s why loads of women couldn’t escape unhappy marriages?

Do you know what I meant by the word ‘anomaly’?

It means you’re an outlier - not the norm.

Sigh.
Are you always so rude?
Might explain a few things

And with all due respect, you’re mid thirties. I hope it doesn’t - but there’s plenty of time for it to go wrong and for you to be in the ‘we changed as people camp.’ That often happens in 40s for those in relationships that started really young.

Why was that rude? I said you were an anomaly and you said that was incorrect and gave a personal anecdote as a response.

I mean given something like half of marriages end in divorce, and only 2% of people get together very very young, wouldn’t you say this applies to everyone?

kind of. Although people that marry later in life are more likely to have marriages that last longer (this is actual fact!). But my point was, op is talking about how she found ‘the one for life.’ And I’m saying, you don’t know that yet!

I get your sentiment but at what point am I allowed to view my marriage as “for life”? 50? 60? The goalposts are forever changing. There was always a “reason” we would never make it. People have never been shy to make assumptions based on their lived experiences.

Marriages fail because people stop communicating properly. At any age, if you stop talking, stop growing together, stop seeing yourself as one half of a team, it will fail.

I think there’s a lot of posters who are a bit jealous and secretly wishing for these childhood sweethearts to fail..

I mean I’m jealous but I agree with you and am not wishing for the failure of your marriage just to prove something

Well I think you should always view your marriage for life or it’s essentially over. But it doesn’t mean it will be for life. The amount of women on MN who are blindsided by their husband leaving them in their 40s and 50s and clear evidence of that!

I was married in 1987. The thread is about people who chose to marry the first person they loved and are still with them.

For some reason a few posters think these women have either settled, want to leave but can’t, or are living with no knowledge that they can open a bank account and have been able to for 51 years.

So women calling other women cowards, abused and as thick as two short planks because they are happy.

That won’t change the blatantly obvious misery of the name callers lives. 😊

that’s always a pretty weak argument when someone has a different viewpoint ‘you’re just jealous.’

People just see things differently - for some being with the same person forever is dreamy, for some it’s the stuff of nightmares. I doubt either is jealous of the other are they?

edited to add: you’d have to be a pretty sick and nasty person to wish for someone else’s happy marriage to fail and I’ve not seen anyone on this thread even slightly suggest this.

There's a sweet spot for couples marrying around 28 - 32 where the divorce rate is lower. For marriages happening after 32 the chance of divorce increases year on year.

I think you’ve got confused. The no bank account/ unhappy long last marriages was a specific discussion point around the pp’s thread that said in her grandparents days marriages were longer because people ‘tried harder.’

Where has anyone called anyone thick or abused?!

Yet again calling people thick. You really are rude.

Eh?!

You’re right it’s kind of a bell curve. Marry young or old you’re more likely to divorce. Marry between about 28-35 for optimal chance!

If you do marry young and get it right it's the most wonderful thing.
To have all those years together, all that shared experience and love, to work life out as a team, support each other and big each other up. All those shared memories, triumphs, laughs and comforts.

Marriage isn't everything, but looking back on a 40 year marriage that is the cornerstone of your whole life is a bloody fine thing.

When anyone falls in love, surely one thing they want is as much time together as life will afford them.

If I lived again I'd marry him again, that lovely boy I fell for at 17 who is now here with his grey beard, wisdom and laughter lines. I'm glad we didn't waste any time and hope we have much more of it before we pop our clogs.