Less than 2% of people marry their childhood sweetheart

[LillyP88]

… according to Google! Do we think this is true? Has anyone come across the studies that these articles refer to? I suppose some couples choose not to marry so whilst they are in a long-term committed relationship, that wouldn’t count towards the data here.

Me and my DH are childhood sweethearts which was what sparked our conversation. We have a few friends who are still together too so I was a bit surprised the figures suggest it’s less than 2%!

I only know one such couple. I’m not surprised by the 2% figure, particularly as people evolve throughout life.

l’m always surprised when you hear of people, starting out again, who say they've only previously had sex with one person. When l got started (l say “got started” because l don’t subscribe to this misogynistic lost virginity nonsense; l didn’t lose anything!), l wanted to find out what someone else felt like the same week. Bring on the judgey name calling!

My generation is the same.

Where do you live? What’s your life experience as a group of friends?

If you live in a community where people don’t tend to leave (work abroad, go to uni, etc) then I would think the number is higher. This can be anywhere, even pockets of London, where I’m from, it’s like this!

I broke up with my childhood sweetheart when we went to uni and I lived abroad.

I don’t agree. I just think there was a smaller pool of people to choose from in earlier generations

Eh? How far are you going back to draw that conclusion? The world has been a big, accessible place populated by billions for a very, very long time now.

Wuthering Heights would disagree lol

Wuthering Heights would disagree lol

Yes but most people didn’t have access to that big world prior to a) commercial air travel and b) cheap air travel and obviously couldn’t meet over the internet.

My grandmother (born 1929) couldn’t even afford to go to London from the North as a young person let alone outside the country.

Thank goodness!

I'm surprised it's as high as 2%. I only know one person who did this and they are now divorced. They said they married too young and they both changed as people as they aged.

I think its a bit strange to marry the very first person you date - I mean, what are the odds that the very first person you ever date in your life is going to be entirely compatible with you- the odds for that are pretty low.

I also think its healthy to date different people to see what kind of relationship you want.

I get it. It’s not the “big place” thing, people travelled less and more people were born and died in the same city/town/village. Add to that family pressures to marry someone they all knew.

Some interesting viewpoints on here. Perhaps we are even rarer than I once thought as we are mid 30s, I went to university for 5 years, I have an amazing career but I also had years of training after uni, we have travelled all over the world, I have worked abroad, etc.

We are definitely not stuck in our teenage era. We met at 12 years old and started dating at 14/15ish. I made some very important decisions at that time, I chose my GCSEs which were the starting point to getting to where I am now in my career. I’m not sure we should dismiss our teenagers quite so quickly.

DH is an amazing human who I am very grateful to have met early on in life. We have supported one another through all of life’s changes and developments. What have I missed out on by being in a committed relationship?

Sex with other people perhaps but I’m happy with that. It doesn’t feel like I’ve missed out. Having someone who genuinely knows you and cares about you is amazing.

I am the higher earner so no worry that I’m stuck with DH for his money. He could be with me for mine 😂

@LillyP88 I am happy for you, and you both sound very compatible and content!

But surely you realise that meeting your soul mate at age 12 is rather unusual and it shouldn't ever be a pressure or expectation on young teens to settle down with the first person they date. If it happens, great! but I think there is an inherent danger of idolising or romanticising this scenario to the point that it encourages people to settle with partners they might not actually be compatible with long term.

This is what I meant so you can keep your ‘Eh ‘ @ChurchTower

Could you be any more patronising?

Where is the danger of this becoming the norm? It’s extremely rare, and we all have freedom to date whoever we want. Of all the things teenagers get pressured into, marrying your first bf us not one I’ve ever heard of or experienced.

It should be commended because it’s a rarity and takes a great level of commitment and growth to make to work.

I see it quite a lot in religious communities for example. I dont know what you mean about it should be commended either? People who split up or divorce havent "failed" in life and it's not always because they havent worked hard enough to stay together.

The divorce rate for childhood sweethearts is about 54% which is compared to the average of 32%. This would suggest it's rather about personality changing as one ages rather than the fact they just havent "tried hard enough" to stay together. If a couple is happy with each other then I am not sure why they need to be commended any more than a couple who arent happy together and divorce should be punished or scolded 🤷‍♀️

Where did anyone say teens are pressured into it?
I have 3 dds. They have been reared in a loving home where their parents have been together and are still very happy 40 years later.
They also have been reared in a home where they have been taught that education matters, that you can have 20 boyfriends before you meet the right one, that also its ok if to decide to never share your life with a man, or woman, that what ever you do, you make your own choices and the right man will enhance that. To centre themselves first and everything else is a bonus if it happens.
Because we know what a good strong marriage takes and you dont marry for the sake of it.
Do people really think we are still together 40 years later and happy without figuring out some shit along the way? Without regularlly checking our relationship and making sure we are both still where we want to be.
Honest to god. We dont get a fella at 16 and never think about it again.

How are they defining childhood sweetheart…

My parents have been together since 16/17 but never married.

Of my high school friends, four married their teenage boyfriends and two are married/in long term relationships with people we knew as teenagers (although they weren’t together when we were kids). That’s out of a sample size of around the 15 people who were my closest friends from ages 15-18, so much higher than 2%.

I grew up not long ago in a religious background (pretty strict) and have never seen this. Teens dating is severely frowned upon; people meet as adults in the congregation or in normal places. Where are you seeing this being commonplace?

There is no pressure, in fact, we were told repeatedly it would never last! I think it’s kinder to simply get on with it and hope for the best than to repeatedly tell young couples they’ll fail!

But in general none of that hasn't been the case really since the second world war so we must be talking about a generation who are now in their late 80s.

People traveled the world before air travel and trains have been around for much longer. Your grandmother was a pre war generation. Since the war people have been much more mobile within Britain.

I would be really helpful if you were specific about what you mean by 'earlier generations'. If you mean people born in the 1880s I agree with you. If you mean people born in the 1960s then I probably disagree.

Not exactly right. You are overlooking emigration from the UK to New Zealand and Australia as well as EU membership and freedom of movement. That’s a lot of people moving around.

Personally, l was born in the UK but brought up in France. First teenage boyfriend was French.