Is a Clare's law disclosure always a red flag?

[ParapetCreeper]

I requested a Clare's Law disclosure on a man I have been dating.

In 2007, when he was 21, he made almost 50 harassing phone calls to a woman. He also got a work colleague to make some calls.
It stopped when she said she was going to the police. He was never arrested or charged.

Yes. 100%. Well done for checking OP - do hope you feel able to act on this information.

Of course that's a red flag! Sorry, I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear.

What made you do the disclosure? Are there other red flags?

Yes. There must have been a reason you felt the need to use Clare’s law. Trust your gut.

Any other red flags?

That was almost 20 years ago and I’d like to think I’ve changed somewhat since I was 21

he could still be a dick however

He did his best to intimidate a woman and, when this didn't produce the effect he wanted, he involved another man in a serious escalation of the harassment.

He only stopped when she said "police", he didn't stop when she asked him to. In fact, he got worse.

It's your funeral, as they say.

What prompted you to check?

The nature of the crime, 50 harassing phone calls means that I would be wondering what happens if I ever break up with this man.

That said 21 is young was it a first time relationship? What were the nature of the calls?

It’s not normal to even check so the fact that you needed is a red flag in itself.

Some brave woman reported this so you can find out and avoid it happening to you. Who knows how many others there have been over the years who didn’t feel able to do that.
Leave or you might find out how that feels.

I'd be out. He has harassed one woman so much that she went to the police back when this wasn't taken as seriously as it is now. Then he got someone from his workplace to harass her.

There could be others that haven't reported. Something he's done has been off enough for you to ask for this.

He sounds like bad news with a nasty vindictive streak. I'd be done.

I mean well done for checking presumably there was a reason you felt it was a good idea...

Well i mean each to their own but he wouldn't be the man I'd choose to build a life with and be the father of my children... 😵‍💫

Something tickled your spidey senses to ask in the first place.

You need to engage the rest of your brain now and choose to run, and get police advice on how to do so safely if you think he might kick off.

Oh dear
I did many foolish things in my twenties but none of them involved intimidation or harassment. It's a bit worrying. He might be one of those guys who can't bear rejection.

Changed or not, the kind of person who could do that kind of thing ever would not be welcome in my world.

Why are you asking OP? Are you looking for people to validate the choice to continue with this relationship?

Why did you feel the need to request a Clares law search?

Also I would consider that just because there is nothing else coming up about him, it’s probably happened again just not been reported.

this in spades!!! can't say i have ever, ever dated anybody i would need to check out.

Well i wouldn't hold something someone did 20 years ago against them or judge them on it. However, I have never felt the need to take out any sort of checks on a partner so something must have triggered you to want to check his background

Yes, it is always a red flag.

Thank god you found out!

What made you do the Clare’s law?

if you check every partner as standard and there are no other red flags then something from 20 years ago isn’t necessarily the same as if something in his behaviour toward you made you feel the need to check.

Of course a Clare’s Law disclosure is a red flag - literally.

That’s the whole point of it.

If it involves harassing women I bloody would. Are you seriously saying you would ignore that and put it down to ‘immaturity’?

people ,please don't minimise, Clare’s Law disclosures have to be considered ‘lawful’, ‘proportionate’ and ‘necessary’""This means that if police checks show that your current or ex-partner has a record of violent or abusive behaviour, and they believe you may be at risk, they may decide to proactively share that information with you."""

I wouldn’t be prepared to take the risk… Because even though it was a long time ago, I don’t believe that people who have displayed the capacity for weird behaviour like that can ever be full trusted, but that’s your decision to make.

How did you find this out if it stopped when she said she was going to the police?

He wasn't arrested or charged, and the police would not disclose information to you about the work collegue. Was he spoken to?