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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ended a relationship with a fellow school parent and he won't leave me be

110 replies

Savvythrifter · 18/02/2026 14:20

I was seeing a man I met through my child's school, he is the parent of somebody my child was friendly with. Long-term single man, no wife or girlfriend incase anybody is wondering. I need to make that clear.

It lasted 8 or 9 months and was ended (by me) in June of last year. It wasn't a nice 'relationship' as he started to show low level abusive tendencies which I'm sure would have escalated if I hadn't broke it off. (Jealousy, a pervasive insecurity and then a controlling nature came to light)

I'm not qualified to diagnose but do have some experience of personality disorders and he strongly fits the profile of somebody with covert narcissism.

He hasn't left me alone since despite me blocking him everywhere IE calls, texts and 3 social media platforms.

When he has managed to get through to me, despite being blocked, I have made it clear I don't want to have a relationship and will not be taking him back but I wish him well and said I had no animosity towards him.

I think my mistake was being too "nice" and polite I just really, really didn't/don't want trouble at the school.

He calls on a withheld number which I have no choice but to answer as I get calls from private numbers that I do have to take (my neurologist, child's paediatrician, school etc - all come up as private calls)

I have implemented a method whereby now, if I get a private call, I answer it and immediately mute my mic, wait to see if its his voice and if it is I then hang up.

In between all of that he is deliberately positioning himself near me at the school to force contact. Our children are in different year groups and as such use entrances on opposite ends of the street which access different playgrounds.

He has no reason to walk the stretch of the street to use 'my' gate at pick up and drop off, but does so anyway, even though it means him then having to go all of the way back to 'his'

A month or so ago he scared the crap out of me in the morning as whilst waiting for the school gates to open I turned around and he was stood directly behind me, clearly wanting to be seen.

He has also on other occasions waited on the corner along 'my' route to school, where he has no business being. My child's father has also spotted him lurking about on days he does the school run and reported back to me.

2 days before valentines day I got a text from somebody claiming to be his sister asking me to please unblock him. I didn't reply and blocked that number too.

He was calling me again this morning.

I am completely fed up and I'm starting to feel a bit scared by how he gives not one shit about the fact I don't want anything to do with him and is trying to force it regardless.

The thought of getting the school or police involved fills me with dread as the whole thing is frankly embarrassing, but I may have to now.

I'm not sure what I want from the thread be it advice or just to be able to get all of this out somewhere but if you've got this far thank you for reading 😕

OP posts:
Keepingthingsinteresting · 19/02/2026 08:06

It isn’t you that should be embarrassed @Savvythrifter , it’s him. I had something similar and phoned the police for advice and they took it very seriously and dealt with him accordingly. To be honest it did get worse before it got better but was worth it in the end- I’m sorry he’s such a twat.

I will say most of the police officers I dealt with were very good but one was shit and tried to put me off pursuing it after he’d breached the restraining order for the third time, if you get one of those please don’t be put off. Might be worth considering a non molestation order too, you would almost certainly get it on this eveidence.

rainbowstardrops · 19/02/2026 08:09

What a creep. Seeing as he’s already known for harassment, I’d definitely contact the police.

Willow12345 · 19/02/2026 08:25

Teacher here.
Agree with PPs - contact police today. You must also tell the school. This is a safeguarding issue and the school absolutely need to know.

So sorry you are going through all this x

double0seven · 19/02/2026 08:31

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 18/02/2026 14:22

Jesus....

Send him a final message telling him you do not want any more communication from him including creepy calls from private numbers. If he contacts you again you will consider it harassment and stalking and treating accordingly ie the police.
(You shpuld do this so you have proof and he cant claim he "didnt know")

If he contacts you again go straight to the police and make it clear you are scared. Now is not the time to be timid or shy or "nice".
Be firm, be persistent.

I'd also advise the school as theres a safe guarding angle and i'd want to ensure my child was safe.

Edited

Do not do this. This is exactly what he wants. It is attention, a response. You are reopening dialogue with him and the clock is reset and the treadmill starts again.

I believe you have acted exactly as you should have done so far but you now need need to go to the police.

double0seven · 19/02/2026 08:44

Doseofreality · 18/02/2026 14:39

Why does a child need safeguarding?

The OP is receiving calls from an ex who also likes to make his presence felt. He’s a prick but there’s nothing to suggest he’s a danger to a child or likely to kidnap them as another poster.

Just change you number or tell him to fuck off or you’ll call the police.

Think you need to take a Doseofreality. This could end very badly if it isn't dealt with properly.

DuchessDandelion · 19/02/2026 08:44

Agree with @double0seven
Also if you go straight to police there will be a record of his crime (it is a crime) and may protect future women. If he backs off simply because of the threat of the police there will be no such benefit

ToriMounj · 19/02/2026 08:48

DarkFate · 18/02/2026 14:35

Police and make an application for a non-molestation order

Yes, do this

ToriMounj · 19/02/2026 08:49

I doubt this is his first time as a stalky bastard, the police may well be familiar with him already

kierenthecommunity · 19/02/2026 08:56

The same advice as everyone else really but just two points to add. The police can find out who made the withheld number calls so if he’s been stupid enough to use his own phone and it’s registered to him then even if he denies it, it won’t matter

And an NMO is free if you apply yourself through the government website or the NCDV. You don’t need to engage a solicitor to do it.

Ryanairmess · 19/02/2026 08:59

Police. And let the school know you have had to involve police because of being stalked. I would just tell them that.

KitsyWitsy · 19/02/2026 09:08

Like a pp already said, set up the screening feature on your phone. It asks callers who they are and tells you someone is calling - then it will show up what theyve said. You can then choose to answer or not.

Also, log with the police.

Imbusytodaysorry · 19/02/2026 09:12

@Savvythrifter police ! It’s is not embarrassing . Maybe for him..
It’s clear harassment and border stalking .

EnjoythemoneyJane · 19/02/2026 09:14

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 18/02/2026 16:39

Op I don’t want to scare you, but can I direct you to the work of Laura Richards who goes under the name CrimeAnalyst and encourage you to watch her videos on stalking and harassment.

She has worked with police across the world to educate them on escalating behaviour so they can understand that domestic violence, stalking and harassment alongside coercive control can lead to more serious crime if ignored.

Please watch her videos to get the right terminology and then go to the police and explain what you have to us on this thread.

He is a threat to you and it’s really important you do everything correct not to escalate the situation and that will be working alongside training police officers who will undoubtedly talk to him. I assume he knows where you live, where you work, timings and routines? If you can do anything different to keep yourself safer I would want to know that.

Once you approach the police you will need to approach the school so they are aware it’s extremely important your child only leaves the playground with designated adults on your list. One step at a time and with any luck he will move his focus elsewhere.

The organisation Laura Richards helped set up is Paladin, which is an anti-stalking advocacy and advice service. It may be helpful to contact them for guidance, OP.

Hope you get the support you need and I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I have more hatred in my heart for fucking men, and what they put women and children through, every single day of the week at the moment.

blooooooor · 19/02/2026 09:17

Don’t engage, don’t reply to any messages at all. Stalkers look for any reaction, and even telling them to leave you alone gives them encouragement and confidence to keep going. As long as he gets any response from you, he won’t stop. Don’t answer the phone, or better yet, change your number. If something is genuinely important, people will leave a message. Then, report him. Did you do Clare’s law on him, possibly could explain why he is long term single man 😬

Aluna · 19/02/2026 09:28

EnjoythemoneyJane · 19/02/2026 09:14

The organisation Laura Richards helped set up is Paladin, which is an anti-stalking advocacy and advice service. It may be helpful to contact them for guidance, OP.

Hope you get the support you need and I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I have more hatred in my heart for fucking men, and what they put women and children through, every single day of the week at the moment.

I posted a link to Paladin on the previous page, I agree OP should get in touch.

Savvythrifter · 19/02/2026 09:30

I'm short on time this morning so will reply more in depth later but I just wanted to say I made contact with paladin last night. It's a fantastic resource.

Thank you all for the solid advice 🙏

OP posts:
Mumofoneandone · 19/02/2026 09:35

Absolutely contact the police.
Unfortunately, I also think you need to bring the school in board. They maybe able to support you (adjusting pick up time/place etc) but equally it could be a safeguarding issue.

crumpet · 19/02/2026 09:36

Keep a diary of each event, times, dates etc. keep screen shots.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 19/02/2026 09:57

I am sorry you are having this happen to you. Please do not minimise this behaviour as its unsettling and worrying as well as being annoying.

I have had this happen also. A guy I was seeing for about 9 months, kids the same age and on paper should have been 'the one' but I started getting a few red flags that made me sit up and notice that he wasn't for me. He became a bit clingy, started getting a bit jealous and a bit controlling. Nothing major but enough for me to know that I didn't want this relationship anymore. I ended it but he couldn't seem to grasp it was over.

The calls, the texts and the turning up at locations he knew I would be started. Despite me telling him it was over he just kept calling, texting and even though I blocked him on everything I could he would still find ways to get to me.

The stalking escalated to me coming home and finding gifts on my doorstep. This then became him defacing my home, supergluing my front door lock so I couldn't get into my house and letting my car tyres down.

The last straw came when I drew the curtains one night and he was sat outside my house in his car. He then text me from a new phone saying he was watching me and when I went to sleep he was going to break in and rape me.

Police called and they came and took it very seriously and dealt with the issue.

What I am saying is these things can massively escalate from calls and following and turning up to threats. So please take it seriously and let him know you won't take his bullshit anymore.

Good Luck x

Ryanairmess · 19/02/2026 10:02

So sorry for everyone who has experienced this. Me too. A stalker may easily escalate when challenged. School really need to know you are being stalked including while collecting your child and you are getting police involved. And the shame is all on him.

HerosUncle · 19/02/2026 10:02

Keep his number in your phone and if it is witheld it I'll come up as witheld. Private numbers in your phone will come up as Private. IE not witheld

Traitorsisontv · 19/02/2026 11:54

At the very least have a chat with the Police. Seek their advice, they may know more than you do.

Whilst it isn't a direct school matter it might be sensible to put them in the picture - possibly after you've talked to the Police.

Hope it's all cleared up soon.

BestieNo1 · 19/02/2026 12:04

step 1 tell the school office and ask them how they can help
2 tell the other parents so they can back you up
3 tell the police
He’s way past asking nicely.
You can do hard things xx

user1464187087 · 24/02/2026 11:49

NiftyBlueRobin · 18/02/2026 15:04

So sorry you're dealing with this OP. This is stalking and harassment, lets be very clear, and he has no right to subject you to this. Ignore anyone trying to minimise his behaviour or belittle your concerns.

I would also suggest contacting the police, and be clear you are reporting him for stalking and harassment. It might also be worth submitting a Clare's Law request, as if he has been reported by others previously it may expedite police involvement in your case.

Also, let your loved ones know what's happening so they can support you. It's extremely unnerving being subjected to stalking.

Edited to add, perhaps consider changing your phone number, though I may wait to do this until after you've spoken to the police so you have evidence of the fact that he's harassing you with anonymous calls

Edited

Yes, I totally agree about making a Clare's Law request. Quite often they reveal a pattern of behaviour. (though not always).
Definitely report this to the police though. It's domestic related stalking.
Initially the police will speak to him and warn him to stay away from you. If he carries on then it obviously becomes more serious.
Sorry you are going through this.

crispyrick · 24/02/2026 12:51

Like others have said, send him a single text explaining that you want no further contact in any way and if he does not respect this, you’ll be contacting the police. I would also give your child’s teacher a heads up - just explain what has happened and although he has made no threat to children, it’s always useful information for them. It’s always good to have other people aware of what’s going on.
Sorry this has happened and completely not your fault.