Dont have or want any friends?

[PineapplePunches]

Does anyone not have any friends and doesn’t want any? I see loads of posts from women wanting to make friends but does anyone else have none and dont want any? Am I a freak? Is there something wrong with me? Tell me im not alone? I would like a partner though but have no interest in having friends and get fed up when people tell me I should be wanting friends and not a partner..

I could never be with a partner who didn’t want any friends.

Thats fine but he might not have any either 😂 and I’ve had relationships before and it’s never been an issue for men.

If you’re happy, then I can’t see how it’s anyone’s business.

Going out and making friends you can’t be arsed with just because it’s ‘normal’ defeats the point of friendship somewhat.

I have casual friends and acquaintances. I haven't had close friends since being a teenager. Having said that, I have always been self sufficient and happy to spend time alone. It suits me better. I like to please myself and can't be bothered making arrangements to fit in with other people. I do have a DH but we give each other the space we need.

Genuine question. If you are comfortable not wanting or having friends, what do you want to achieve by posting this?

I used to think like this in my 20s and 30s. Thankfully I still managed to make some nice friends, because I seriously value female friendship now I'm in my 40s. Something has snapped and I think women are just amazing. And having an outlet other than your partner is so healthy. I'm an introvert who loves my own company, and can go a week at a time without doing anything sociable, but a catch up with a friend really lifts my spirits these days.

I've given up making friends. They either move a long way away so the friendship fizzles out or they die.

I don't have any friends. Most of mine were friends my now ex-bf first, and after I left him, those relationships just died out too.

I was pretty lonely. I can still get lonely but I'm not minding the alone-ness as much.

The closest friends I have are my hair stylist that I see pretty regularly 8-12 weeks, and my manicurist who I see 3-4 weeks.

I wouldn't mind trying to build a friendship with others if it happens on its own, but I don't have the energy to go out and try to make it happen. If that makes sense :/

Whilst I wouldn't choose a friendless life and would be very sad to lose my existing friends my experience of actively seeking friends was very negative. I wouldn't be willing to force myself to do a load of things I don't want to in return for an extremely slim chance of it leading to a meaningful friendship. I suppose if the worst happens that only leaves trying to come to an acceptance.

Why a partner but not friends?

I have a DH who I adore but I don't really have any close friends. I have ASD and I'm not great at maintaining friendships for various reasons but in large part because I don't really want to. DH is the only person I can be around without having to mask, he loves me for my weirdness. I find most social things exhausting. I'm very happy as I am.

@PineapplePunches

There are always threads running here about how to be happy single and/ or child free.
I am 60, long term single and do have a son away at uni.
I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I am eternally gratefully for my flock of mother hen friends clucking round fighting to peel grapes and take me to hospital appts.
Ive been very healthy all my life, but you never know whats round the corner and when you might need.people.

I remember you from the adoption board, @Ted27. You’ve always sounded like an all-round good egg, so delighted you have people rallying round now. Best wishes with your treatment, and I can’t believe your son is old enough to be at university!

And absolutely to your general point, too, whether someone is single or not. Being entirely emotionally dependent on one person is never a good idea.

I have no friends, no interest in friends. Also no partner and zero interest in that either. I also don't have contact with my family other than my grown up children. I talk to people at work and do two hobbies where I mix with people but that's it. Dont want or need anything else. Yes, I'm weird but I'm ok with that.

I have no friends and don't want any.
I also don't see people for work.
I do have a husband.

@MertonDensher
Thank you
I thought your name looked familiar

He is 21 and doing his finals - time flies!

Who are these people telling you that you should be wanting friends? Because if you don’t have any friends, what does it matter what random strangers are telling you? Same for us on here really!

Whilst I do find it unusual that you want a partner but don’t want friends, it’s your choice to make. I’m curious as to why though (I’d find it easier to understand if you didn’t want a partner or friends) and would love to hear your thoughts on this if you’re prepared to share.

I know it’s a bit of a trope, but are you ND? I am on the pathway for diagnosis at the minute and I’ve always struggled with friendships. But for me it was more around me thinking everyone was my friend, even if I’d only just met them! If you are ND, it could just be that your brain is wired differently, so you don’t get the dopamine reward from friendships that others do. I suspect anyone that didn’t feel good from a friendship would be less inclined to want them - they can be hard work! How many times do you see it on here where an OP asks about something a friend has or hasn’t done, and everyone replies asking them what exactly do they get out of the friendship or tell them it’s clearly run its course? That tells me it’s not uncommon at all for people to not be bothered about a friendship where they aren’t getting something out of it in some way.

So don’t worry that you’re weird or whatever. Only you can know if you are truly happy without friends, and the good thing about friendships is you can form them at any point in your life - so if you change your mind when you get to your retirement years, you can find friends then. For now, you do you. As long as you don’t expect your partner not to have any friends too, and don’t make them feel guilty for wanting to spend time with their friends, I think you’re good.

I didn’t want to say this but probably, might surprise people more now but I do have children and they are all autistic so yes it’s possible. I have never been diagnosed though and have no intention of seeking one. I have never had any friends (well some in school that turned on me) but nothing at all since then. I want a partner because I like to feel loved and cared for and I want someone to share life with, friends however I find people hard work, difficult to read and can’t stand small talk, I also find people exhausting and feel like I’m faking or pretending to be someone im not, I find it awkward when I talk to people and when they leave I feel an overwhelming sense of relief!

That makes sense and it sounds like masking, which is exhausting and definitely fits with potentially being ND. Of course you don’t need to get a diagnosis. I feel less people will judge though if you say you’re ND if that helps you to feel less pressure in life.

Honestly though, no-one wants a friendship that’s hard work for them - and it sounds like they are hard work for you all the time. It might be that one day you meet someone who’s brain is wired like yours and you both feel comfortable to just be yourselves, and then maybe a friendship will naturally develop without needing you to be trying to comply with social norms. If it does, that’s great. And if it doesn’t it sounds like you are ok with that so don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.

Ironically you sound like someone I could relate to and potentially get on well with - without either of us having to do all the usual bollocks you need to maintain or make a friendship. I am chuckling at that in the context of what the post is about. Then again I know no social boundaries and struggle to tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance so I’m probably just being weird now!

Have a great day and try not to worry about what the world thinks you should and shouldn’t do or be.

But surely very similar skills are needed to find and maintain a relationship with a partner to those needed to make and maintain friends? I'm just trying to see what it is you see as the key difference.

I can be myself more with a partner, people usually partners love you for you. Friends aren’t the same and it’s just one person so it’s less exhausting well for me anyway!

Thank you, maybe I will fit more in with ND people. There is an autism group near me that I’ve been wanting to take my children to but haven’t quite built up the confidence to go yet!

I’ve often wondered this about myself. I’m not very sociable and don’t need people. I have an extremely sociable dh, so have to make an effort though. What I’ve found is that the casual couple dinner dates don’t enrich my life at all. It’s the one or two where the relationship has deepened that bring real enrichment to my life in a way i thought I didn’t need.

But you say yourself that you've never had any friends, @PineapplePunches, so, respectfully, how do you know?

I mean, you say you have a partner because you want to feel loved and cared for, and that you don't have to mask with yours, but you say ' friends however I find people hard work' -- but your partner is also a person. He's not from a separate category of human beings called 'partners' and not 'friends'.

I'm not suggesting for a second that you need friends if you don't want them, obviously. You do you. It's just that exactly what you say comes up very often on Mn -- posters say they have no friends, have never had friends, and are often deeply unhappy about it, but have somehow found and maintained a relationship with a spouse or longterm partner. But don't see these as requiring similar skills, and view them as entirely different types of relationship.

Yes I think I feel the same in that I view them as totally different situations. I have acquaintances people I will pass and say hello to and a few mums at the kids school tried talking to me but I had no interest in developing anything further or becoming friends.