Dont have or want any friends?

[PineapplePunches]

Does anyone not have any friends and doesn’t want any? I see loads of posts from women wanting to make friends but does anyone else have none and dont want any? Am I a freak? Is there something wrong with me? Tell me im not alone? I would like a partner though but have no interest in having friends and get fed up when people tell me I should be wanting friends and not a partner..

Friends have far less power to abuse you than spouses or partners. It would be unusual for someone to cohabit and share finances with a friend, to have children with a friend, to rely financially on a friend to the point where they were trapped in an abusive relationship with the friend because they had no money of their own. Friendship isn’t exclusive or monogamous — a friend isn’t betraying you if they also see other friends. The power dynamics are completely different to a bad marriage.

I’ve known people to be used by friends, taken advantage of and even stolen from. Friends aren’t all they are cracked up to be

I think being overconfident about an ability to spot red flags can bite a person in the arse. Some people are able to conceal that side of themselves for a long time.

As long as you're happy as you are then whatever.

There are bad, abusive partners and bad, abusive friends

I think good friends can be for a lifetime and more dependable than a partner. You know each other inside out, but you can take a break from each other, to just resume from where you left off.

It's all about the quality of the relationship.

Yeah that’s not good if they slag each other off and have arguments.

Sure, but surely you can acknowledge that a friend is less likely to impregnate you then decide a week before the due date he’s not really feeling fatherhood and vanish, leaving you to pursue him vainly for child support? Or technically stick around but not do any of the parenting gruntwork, leading to you underperforming at work because you’re getting two hours’ sleep and doing all the housework and cooking?

Yes but some people choose to ignore clear red flags waving them in the face.

sure But i won’t be having any more children

The two things can be true at the same time.

My dad has always been single and doesn't have any friends and seems quite content with it. He has work colleuges he gets on with but doesn't see them out of work. After me being diagnosed, my dd and waiting for my son to be diagnosed ,it's pretty clear to me that my dad is autistic ( not just because of the lack of friends lol he has many many traits ) people also think he is weird but he's happy in his little bubble

I also think you can get into this rut where it's kids and work and house and you're really timepoor - and a partner relationship feels the most convenient & expected way to address social needs.

But obviously if you have kids, you also have to be supercareful about who you bring into their lives.

I’ve never had friends even before kids. I actually think friends are probably seen as easier to make then partners when you have kids as it’s expected you’d make loads of friends through your kids (at least thats what people said would happen!)

Nah, just because you've pushed out a baby around the same time doesn't mean you actually have much in common.

I think getting a boyfriend is easier to be honest. You say they love you for you, but it's a lot to do with hormonal sexual bonding.

I don't think that your attitude makes you some sort of a freak @PineapplePunches far from it. Your authenticity is, ironically, a trait I'd find very appealing in a friend.

I agree that the fact of having had a child around the same time doesn’t make you friends. You still have to specifically like an individual. My NCT group never got along so we’d disbanded almost before the babies were born. I was drawn to a few women from a mothering discussion group, but left the city before those friendships had time to take off. I made no parenting friends at all over the next eight years of pre-school and primary— no one appealed. But once we’d moved countries, I immediately liked the parents of DS’s new friendship group. They’re all at different secondaries now, but we still see the parents, individually and in a group. Those are my only child-related friendships.

@mertondensher Yes. I don't have any through my children - acquaintances yes but nothing deeper/longlasting. "Friends" for a season at most.

My main friends are variously from my own nursery days, uni, a hobby group, and social media transformed into real life, that sort of thing.

I can’t imagine not having my female friends because they add a lot to my life, especially laughter. I also know they have my back if something awful happens-bereavement, ill health etc. & I find that comforting. I really needed support recently & they were there.

But you can bring friends round your kids straight away most people don’t do that with partners? And I deliberately waited till mine were teens because I didn’t have anyone that could look after them so certainly wasn’t easy for me, I’ve been single 8 years as I didn’t get time to date but I know that won’t apply to everyone.

It's very different having friends round to having a partner staying and potentially moving in.

Which is why most single mums find it easier to make friends than find a partner

I don't believe people who say they don't want friends (sorry). We're a social species, we depend on links. Don't get me wrong I think it would be a super power if it were real. I just think it's cope.

Thats ok. I kind of get you as I also don’t believe women that say they don’t want a partner 🤣

I only have one close friend and I’m ok with that. I’ve a very busy life and I’m not in my 20s anymore so it doesn’t both me one bit! I don’t think I could be arsed trying to keep in touch with lots of different people if I’m honest! I do have a dh and 4 kids, 3 cats and a dog though!

Good grief, dying sounds a bit drastic!

I can completely relate to this! I have a child who is profoundly autistic and I’m almost certainly ND but it was missed in childhood and I’ve not sought diagnosis as an adult. I have a close friend from childhood which is easy as we know each other so well and what to expect from each other. I approach friendship differently as an adult, I prefer to do activities like book club or a meal out with school mums where there is no expectation on me and I know when it will start and finish, basically people I’m friendly with but are still at arms length. I get so fatigued from socialising.

I haven’t had friends since I was in my early twenties. Didn’t want any or need any, DH has always been my best friend. I was quite happy to never make any friends. But I ended up clicking with a few colleagues at work in the past year and we’ve become really close. I wasn’t looking, but now I love them and can’t imagine them not being in my life.