Partner arrested, that's that then

[Gardenalia]

I got a visit from a police officer last night. It was a safeguarding visit as it turns out my now-XP has been arrested for possession of extreme pornography. I had no idea of course, it was a massive shock (understatement).

The PO was concerned for my safety as XP had been released and had told them he was coming to my house. But I had no worries for my safety at all: I know he is a coward - which 'man' who uses such stuff is not?? - so I locked everything up, put a note on the door telling him to fuck off but leave my key, and waited. In due course I heard him outside. He evidently read the note (he took it), decided I was serious about calling the police if he tried to get in - which would be a disaster for him - left the key and fucked off. I will never see his gross face again.

God I'm so fucking livid! Most of all for the victims of this type of pornography (well, all porn) and for his daughters. Yes, he has daughters. Just...fucking...how? How can someone victimise women in this way when they have daughters?

I'm also livid for me. I'm 63, we had a pleasant time together for 7 years, but this is now the end of the road for me and men/sex. I wanted to choose for myself when I would finally give up on the revolting creatures but my hand has been forced. I hate that.

Just posting because I won't tell anyone IRL but I wanted to get it off my chest. I'll just say I got bored of him so we went our separate ways ho hum.

But inside I'm fucking RAGING!

You sound a really strong woman OP.
You have handled this situation really well .

I echo your anger about the porn industry .
You are well shot of this disgusting man.
Best wishes to you for your future life.

How vile. I'm glad he did just fuck off without trying to give you some pathetic sobber to try and justify his behaviour.

Fair enough that you feel like you've had enough of men. I'd feel the same way after that. Enjoy your life focusing on you and your wants and needs. X

i Had a similar experience. Dated a guy for a year who had changed his name. When I found his real name he had been jailed for downloading child abuse. It was a complete head fuck. I will never really get over how easily he fabricated a whole new life and duped me and I will never get over the shame of being with him

@Notallbutafairfew It's not your shame.
He lied to you and duped you.
The shame is all his.

This is such a lot to deal with OP, you must feel sick to your stomach- what a disgusting creature indeed!

Good on you for getting rid. To be honest I’m not sure I’d keep his disgusting porn a secret for him. If I was asked why we split I’d tell them. You have nothing to be ashamed of but he bloody does!

I'm so sorry, that's horrible.

They hide in plain sight. With XP I think I was stupid not to do my due diligence better, but he was a gentle soul - if overly focused on sex, and that was really what the whole thing was about.

Strangely I had read the transcript of the Gisele Pelicot interview on Saturday morning, which is when his phone went dead (cops had taken it, they've been fab I have to say). What a woman. She says 'let shame swap sides'. We should feel no shame at all, it's all on them. I don't feel shame. Fury and contempt, yes, but no shame. I've done nothing wrong!

Take care now.

Thank you, I sort of know that but I feel it. I am also worried it will come out . I have only told my closest friends. It has really affected me

Thank you. Please look after yourself, it’s a lot to process

This is a good point actually. Maybe I will. But really I just want to erase him (I've done a lot of washing overnight!) and move on to my new life, so I don't want to talk about it IRL.

I know he has returned his key, but you have no guarantee its the only one, personally I would change the locks as well.

I’d be changing the lock too OP. Just in case.

I've thought about that but he's such a tight-fisted loser, there's no way he would have forked out for a second key!

Sounds like you’re going to miss him OP!
What's wrong with these men!
tight fisted porn addict.

Really pleased you’ve had a positive experience with the police. I’ve always found them helpful.

Hi Op
Bloody hell..how awful for you. I went through similar a few years ago.
I was seeing a guy who I thought was perfect! We often had conversations about extreme porn/child porn etc and he expressed his disgust at anyone who looked at it...
What a fool I was. I went to his house unannounced and his laptop was open..guess what he was looking at? Child porn.

I reported him to the police and have zero regrets. He's now on the sex offenders register.

Single now..and have no intention of getting into a relationship ever again.

Well done you for reporting that perv to the police .

Tight fisted, pretty boring really - yeah, there's nothing to miss, except he did used to bring me tea in the morning. Perhaps I shall finally invest in a Teasmade!

Thank you. I didn't hesitate for a second.

I dont understand why it means no more men/sex for you?

Not all men are "revolting creatures!"

But you didn’t think he’d do what he did, so there’s no telling, sometimes. Maybe better to be on the safe side?

That's the problem, from both experience and observation I have reached the conclusion that they ARE all revolting creatures, at least once they get to their 50s and 60s. I can't go near one again. Why would I do that to myself?

I understand, and I'm a tad younger than the OP, about 17 years.
I hate these vile creatures.

Good for you, OP. You sound strong and dignified.

Hope you meet someone decent when you’re ready. Yes, there are lots of decent ones out there.

I understand as well.

Good for you for getting rid. This sounds like an absolute nightmare. Please take care of yourself, confide in a trusted friend or family member and treat yourself to something you enjoy.