We have been together 8 years, married for 5. I have two children DS17 and DD14, he has a DS19. Our relationship has been up and down since he moved in if I’m honest. His DS chose early on not to stay at ours as he did not like my DS. My DH had tried to put very strict rules in place with my children, that I didn’t agree with, no talking at the table, elbows off the table, holding knife and fork even if not needing to use a knife. Very much a believer that children should be seen and not heard. Disproportionate punishments such as losing their computers or phones for a month for saying something out of turn. I always contested this and made sure discipline was proportionate. He had been the same with me, just nitpicking really.. if I wasn’t ready on time, boiled too much water in the kettle, but if I annoyed him or the kids had been rude to him, then he would stonewall us all for days, and sometimes weeks. I was always walking on eggshells. We had relationship counselling and things improved between us for a while (although again this was on and off). It all came to a head this week after an explosive argument with my now 17 year old DS, who did say some very inappropriate things to DH. DH retaliated and called my DS a c*t and told him to pack his bags. I was appalled. My DS also said he has no regrets as has wanted to say something for years. Anyway, after a long talk he has basically said that my children are feral (they really aren’t, they are kind, loving children with great senses of humour!) and that he has never liked my DS and in fact has resented him throughout our relationship. I told the kids yesterday and they were so happy that he has gone and said they have never liked him but never said anything as they wanted me to be happy. I feel awful that I just didn’t see the impact of all of this. I’m also feeling sad and confused, worried about the future and what this will look like! My DC have been amazing, especially my DS (the one who is a horrible person apparently). This separation is supposed to be temporary whilst I put some ‘boundaries’ in place but honestly, I think permanent is the better option. Probably should add that there have been some great times as well but in balance, the bad outweighs the good.
Please be gentle, I am still feeling very raw.